Author Archives: Bruce Kooken

Film Review: Manhattan Baby (1982)

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SYNOPSIS: An archaelogist opens an Egyptian tomb and accidently releases an evil spirit. His young daughter becomes possessed by the freed enity and, upon arrival back in New York, the gory murders begin. REVIEW: Written by Elisa Bruganti Directed by Lucio Fulci Starring: Christopher Connelly, Laura Lenzi, Brigitta Boccoli I was talking about some old-school entertainment with my co-worker the other day. He’s a younger guy who, when I asked him if he’d seen any … Continue reading

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Film Review: Hide (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Chesterfield High School basketball practice has ended. One year later the town is still reeling from the massacre of a brutal mischief night murder, but even the statewide curfew won’t stop these teens from pulling pranks on Hallow’s Eve. Susie Hauser, head cheerleader along with her teenage friends are lured by a psychopath to play a revengeful game of hide and seek on this anniversary night. For a high school senior and her friends, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Aerobicide (1987)

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SYNOPSIS: Two years ago, a young woman named Valerie was burned after entering a tanning salon. Now, her twin sister, Rhonda runs a local gym where all of a sudden, people are being murdered. REVIEW: Written and Directed by David A. Prior Starring: Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews Aerobicide, aka Killer Workout, is an awful movie with one redeeming quality: it most assuredly was made for the sole purpose of showcasing women of … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Hand (1981)

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SYNOPSIS: Jon Lansdale was a prominent artist before he lost is drawing hand in a tragic automobile accident. His hand is never found, unfortunately, but when people start angering John, his hand returns to eliminate them. REVIEW: Written and Directed by Oliver Stone Starring: Michael Caine, Andrea Marcovicci, Annie McEnroe I was ten years old when The Hand hit theatres in 1981, so I was probably twelve or thirteen when I saw it for the … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Carrier (1988)

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SYNOPSIS: Jake is an unlucky man. First, his parents died in a horrible fire that the entire town believes he set on purpose. Now it seems he’s contracted a condition that turns every inanimate object he touches into something that consumes organic matter. And he thought the town didn’t like him before! REVIEW: Written and Directed by Nathan J. White Starring: Gregory Fortescue, Stevie Lee, Steve Dixon Best Line: Townie #1: “I know this is … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Torturer (2008)

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SYNOPSIS: A U.S. Army interrogator talks with his therapist about actions that took place during a specific interrogation that had questionable results. REVIEW: Written by Graham Green, Richard Loranger Directed By Graham Green Starring: Nichelle Nichols, Andrew W. Walker, Sophia Choi With a name like “The Torturer” one would think that the subject matter of this movie would be rather obvious. Such is not the case. “The Torturer” is in no way, shape or form … Continue reading

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Film Review: Retreat (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Kate and Martin escape from personal tragedy to an island retreat. Cut off from the outside world, their attempts to recover are shattered when a Man is washed ashore, with news of airborne killer disease that is sweeping through Europe. REVIEW:

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Film Review: Wisconsin Project X (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: An experiment goes wrong at a local lab in Wisconsinville, Montana during the creation of artificial humanoid organisms. These man-made creatures break free from the lab and create chaos for everyone in the town. Now the small town underdogs have to save their home before it is too late REVIEW: Written and Directed by Christian Ackerman Starring: Christian Ackerman, Danielle Ackerman, Joel Baird Best Line: “Hasta lambego, la taco enchilada….DIE” Best line runner up: … Continue reading

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Film Review: Morlocks (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: An experimental time machine opens a window into the future and mutated monsters (the Morlocks) use it to come back to the present and go on a murderous rampage. REVIEW: Written by Adam J. Karp, Royal McGraw Directed by Matt Codd Starring: David Hewlett, Christina Cole, Robert Picardo Best Line Runner up: “Let me see if I got this straight. You want me to travel through a rip in time, find and repair a … Continue reading

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Film Review: Snow Beast (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Jim Harwood, scientist and divorced father heads up to the mountains with his feisty teenage daughter for his annual lynx research trip. Once he arrives, he is surprised to discover that the lynx population hasn’t diminished; it has disappeared. The reason for this disappearance is the Snow Beast, and it has a hunger for more than just mountain feline… REVIEW: Written by Brittany Wiscomb Directed by Brian Brough Starring: John Schneider, Jason London, Danielle … Continue reading

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Film Review: Wasteland (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: When a group of religious zealots destroy everything that he loves and leaves him for dead, a man embarks on a journey of revenge that will take him through all the post-apocalyptic dangers that is WASTELAND. REVIEW: Best line: “Don’t you look like a little snickerdoodle, and maaaan do I love snickerdoodles.” Best line runner up: “Seems like we got ourselves a reeeaaal conundrum. A Mexican type standoff right here in California no less. … Continue reading

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Film Review: Bat $#*! Crazy (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Joseph has one friend in the world with whom he shares his problems; everyone else just sees Joseph as missing a little cheese off his cracker. These problems include a girlfriend (who isn’t really his girlfriend anymore) who is being unfaithful, a missing dog, people talking about him at work, and now someone, or something, is following him. He’s been mixing his meds with booze and that’s not helping. He’s losing his mind, true, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Umbrage – The First Vampire (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: When a dysfunctional family moves into a remote farm, they find themselves in the middle of a centuries-old feud. As night falls hard, terror emerges from the darkness in the form of a deadly seductress, and a cowboy vampire hell-bent on revenge… REVIEW: Written and Directed by Drew Cullingham Starring: Doug Bradley, Rita Ramnani, Jonnie Hurn “I’m not a witch. I’m an ornithologist.” There were a few things I found fun about Umbrage. In … Continue reading

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Film Review: Beware (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: The town of Shady Grove holds many dark secrets. Amongst those secrets is the sadistic tale of “Shane”, a boy who was tortured and chained to a tree as a youngster. Legend has it that for years he survived in the woods all alone until one day he managed to escape. Now, damaged and broken, he wanders those woods in search of blood, with his trademark chains fused to his wrists. Despite years of … Continue reading

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Film Review: South of Heaven (2008)

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SYNOPSIS: Roy Coop, Navy midshipman, returns home to his brother’s apartment full of optimism and good cheer. That is until he his mistaken for his brother Dale, who seems to have gotten himself mixed up with the wrong kind of people. People like Mad Dog who kidnap the daughters of extremely powerful, extremely vengeful men. And his day is only beginning… REVIEW: Best Line: “A world without trust is like iced tea without sugar: it … Continue reading

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Film Review: Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Follows a group of friends that decide to go snowmobiling during their winter break. They make a “wrong turn”, getting lost in a storm. REVIEW: Best line: “They’re stripping pieces of flesh off of Daniel, they’re boiling it in oil, and they’re eating him…they’re…they’re eating him alive like some fu*#ed up fondue.” Interesting observation: Potatoes apparently go with anything. I own the first three Wrong Turns. As you may know from my earlier reviews, … Continue reading

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