In the deep south of Louisiana, there exists a world of never-ending sex, drugs, and violence. Where the darkness of the swamps is only equaled by the darkness of a killer’s mind. But this world of perpetual intoxication and frequent flatulence comes to a gut-knotting climax when the Cockface Killer surfaces from his slumber of mild-mannered sex-toy play.
I wish I could write a kind review about “Attack of the Cockface Killer.” It’s an indie film, and anyone who’s ever worked on an indie film knows how difficult the process can be, so I try really, really hard to find at least one good thing to focus on when writing about these efforts.
This movie, however, was absolute crap.
As the title suggests, Attack of the Cockface Killer is the work of unimaginative children who don’t take their craft seriously. Yes, we get the joke—the killer has a cock for a face! Ha! Believe it or not, the one-note joke gets old very quickly, and the team doesn’t bother to support the comedic horror “story” with anything else, whether it be creative kills, good makeup effects, or even good acting.
I’m a fan of schlock horror, so don’t take this as unwarranted meanness from someone who just doesn’t get what the director, Jason Matherne, was going for. I’ve seen the company website for Terror Optics, and I’ve watched the trailers for their other features, Goregasm (a sequel to Attack of the Cockface Killer) and Stabbed in the Face. These guys obviously aren’t in the business of making “good” movies, so I’m not holding them to those standards. However, even as schlock horror goes, this movie fails in every regard. In order to avoid sounding like a disgruntled old man yelling at neighborhood children, I’ll keep my explanation brief and to the point.
For one, none of the jokes land. The humor is scatological, which is potentially hilarious when done right (ex: both Trey Parker and Lloyd Kaufman’s entire careers), but when it’s done wrong, or timed incorrectly, it’s just noise for noise’s sake. One scene that sticks out from Attack of the Cockface Killer is our introduction to the main characters while they’re watching a movie in bed, a scene which should’ve been used to make me give a damn about either of them or their romantic thread—instead, the scene ends with their cat repeatedly farting. Matherne must’ve skimped on sound designers, because even the unnecessary sound effect is lame. There’s an abundance of these moments throughout the movie, which seems like a mistake, because even if the moment had worked the first time, anything becomes less funny the more it’s repeated.
On top of not being funny, the movie also doesn’t concern itself with originality. It’s hard to tell if Matherne is even a fan of the genre, which sounds like a low blow but is absolutely true. Did he sleep through production? Did he forget to storyboard his shots, or even ask himself ‘How can I make this moment scary, funny, or both?’ The world may never know. All I know for sure is I wasn’t entertained. Maybe his other movies are better, but Attack of the Cockface Killer was pretty damn awful.
That’s my two cents, elitist as it may sound. I surely wouldn’t recommend this movie to anyone, unless I really hate them and want to waste ninety minutes of their life by strapping them to a chair and forcing them to view it, A Clockwork Orange style, but I won’t tell you to avoid it. Maybe you’re interested in bad schlock, or you have a long weekend coming up with an abundance of marijuana to burn through. Either way, you’ve heard one reviewer’s opinion—do with it what you will.