Today with every person on the planet blogging (whether they have something to say or not) you can find quite a few choices out there on any single subject. A quick example would be “Top Horror Films of the Decade.”
Type that in to googizzle and what do you come back with? 19,600,000 hits, that’s what! Why do I tell you this? Get ready for 19,600,001…
Top Horror Films of the Decade:
I’m just messin with ya, I’m not THAT unoriginal! So without further ado it’s list time baby!
Top Sexual Acts That Should Be Made In To Movies:
With the HUGE Box Office success of Donkey Punch I’m surprised that more studios haven’t jumped on to the sex act bandwagon.
Cleveland Steamer 2: Still Steamin
The ANGRY Pirate
(You could say “Angry”) all spooky in the commercials.
No…won’t fly?! Ok, how bout this; Most OVERHYPED Horror Movies in HISTORY.
Ok, let’s go with that.
Most Overhyped Horror Movies in HISTORY:
In todays day and age EVERYTHING is hyped up, and movies are definitely the leader of the hype pack. Like that, hype pack…I know good right?
Anyway, everything gets hyped up, Overhyped even. For instance “Star Trek” had a marketing budget of 30 million and they hyped the shizz outta that thing, and it made some crazy money. Thing is even without marketing it would have made crazy money. If you are not a Star Trek fan a few commercials and a Happy Meal toy isn’t going to make you want to dress up, head to the theater and scream Nanoo Nanoo.
But I digress…movies are hyped, blah blah blah…here are my top 10 Overhypes of all time…in no particular order.
Trick R Treat (2008)
I know everyone is ‘bout to stop reading right now but give me a second to explain. This movie wasn’t terrible. There…complimentish. It just wasn’t…it wasn’t…it wasn’t a good movie! Or maybe good, but by no means great! Fair…I think fair would be a FAIR assessment. Even if it was good, would that have been good enough? Everyone else LOVED it! One website went as far as to state “I can’t imagine a single horror fan that won’t fall head over heels in love with it.” After giving it 5 out of 5 stars! 88% average on Rotten Tomatoes…everyone else LOVED it! I DIDN”T!!! I did buy it though. It sits on a shelf in my house reserved for movies that did not live up to all that they promised me. It sits aside “The Black Hole” (for other reasons) and AVP Requiem, and many others that looked oh so promising only to suck. I’m done. Not gonna Overhype my feelings on this movie. Meh. I’ll just leave this one with meh.
Donkey Punch (2008)
Sure this is to p*rn what National Geographic was to Playboy when I was growing up but other than that is there any more to the film? Then again does there really have to be? I mean, it is called “Donkey Punch” after all. And who am I to condemn hot naked women. Or maybe I was just hoping for one of the girls to get an Angry Pirate. Whatever the case may be I heard more buzz about this one on the net and in the end it just left me wanting more. And my bologna sandwich uneatable!
Jack Brooks Monster Slayer (2008)
This movie was horrible! Hi, I’m a 40 year old dude who’s always angry yet still in either High School or College, though I believe it’s college yet somewhat unclear. If ya can hang with me the whole way through I will be fighting monsters the last 5 minutes of the movie I promise. What a waste of money (yes I bought it)!
I remember when this movie was coming out. Ok, I really don’t! I don’t remember last weekend and with any luck won’t even remember tonight tomorrow. Does that make sense??? Doesn’t matter! This one is a remake (aren’t they all now a days) of a Japanese film and with it came the Overhype caused by The Grudge and The Ring. Needless to say it wasn’t anywhere near the movie the other two were and The Grudge wasn’t all that great! Angry Ghosts in my computer, oh no! I’d be pissed off I found out that when you died you went to heaven with Mrs. Pac Man too! Dare I say this movie had no pulse? I’m sure that witty gem was never used by movie critics. “Pulse, the movie that lacked it…now on to my review of Jaws, a film that’s assured to take a BITE outta it’s competition!” Mark my words, someone used that!
I had heard SOOOOOOOOOO much about this movie. Being stationed in Korea for a year I was looking at all the behind the scenes pics online…hoping to find something I knew. Oh I was so ready for this one, bought it the day it came out. I remember when I put the movie on I was so excited it was like seeing your first boob! Turns out it was like seeing your first boob by accident…cause you didn’t hear your Nan yell “I’m in the shower” prior to walking in. How is it like that? I don’t know, it just sounded good! Either way it was again a decent movie, just not what I expected!
Ghosts of Mars (2001)
Ghosts of What? Ghosts of Who? It was 9 years ago and that easily forgotten I’m sure but for me at the time I was supa hyped for this one. John Carpenter has always been one of my favorites. He made a couple of stinkers prior but did Vampires right before (he didn’t direct H20) Ghosts of Mars so the expectations were there. They were there damn it!!! Throw in Ice Cube and Jason Statham and I’m sold! And I remember watching a making of on MTV thinking “WOW, this is gonna be just spectacular!” Not really, I don’t talk like that. But I do remember watching and being awed at how great that scene made the movie look. Not sure if that scene even made the movie. It was a good scene so clearly it is still sitting on the cutting room floor.
Halloween II (2009):
Let me start by saying I LOVE Rob Zombie…HUGE fan!!! Let me finish by saying this movie was freakin horrible! I watched it and sold it back to the store! And I collect movies! It didn’t even make my shelf for misfit movies. This movie from start to finish was God Awful! But it was again hyped to the tenth power! “Rob Zombie is making Halloween II.” “Rob Zombie is making the movie HIS WAY.” “Rob Zombie says it will be the sickest Halloween ever.” Lies…all lies! First off would you expect Rob Zombie to say “Just saw the final cut of this movie, God that was painful! It was like watching two babies fight to the death then the winner moves on to fight cuddly puppies. WTF was I thinking???” Yeah, me neither. Second point is this, you don’t FORCE (yes, he was pretty much forced to make this) someone to do something and expect stellar results. Case and point the occasional BJ when you are married (I really hope this makes final cut). All and all a horrible movie going experience.
Another MTV behind the scenes…DAMN YOU MTV! At least nobody watches you any more. Although I do turn in from time to time to see how my Snooki is doin. Love ya Snooks. But back to Bones. MTV does a behind the scenes, Pam Grier n Snoop Dog, what more could you ask for? One of my favorite rappers and one of the sexiest women on the planet in the same movie. This was a movie where Snoops eyes got all glowy n shiz. This was a movie that sucked a$$ n shiz…Nuff said!
Here is one that I heard so much about I was ready to head to Australia cause it was takin too damn long to get here…luckily I waited. While it had it’s moments when people are goin ape poo over a movie you have to do more than make me say “It was ok.” WOW me damn it! Sorry Spiereg brothers, didn’t do it for me. Didn’t do it for me at all! And though I haven’t seen it I hear Daybreakers isn’t much better. Thank God I don’t waste my potential like that, have ya read my articles???
The Fog (2005):
Here is where the list comes to a close and my witty comments do as well. This one was hyped as better than the original…a revisioning if you will. Is that even a word? Unless I’m misremembering it sure is! But here comes a remake of a movie that really need not be messed with. And I’m not against remakes, I actually encourage them. Remake the Wolfman with better CG. Remake Friday the 13th with a Jason that can actually move fast. Remake Debbie Does Dallas and make her actually do ALL of Dallas! Remake them all if they need to be remade, leave the rest alone. The Fog worked on the simplest level, it was suspenseful and the music was eerie, there is no remaking that. And I’d like to clarify that just because Kristen Bell is in two of these movies I’m not knocking her…other than her taste in men she is ok in my book. Dax Sheppard, come on!
There you have it folks, the ten most overhyped movies of all time. Well, not really all time, just 10 that I felt the need to pick on today. And tune in next time when I will show you my 10 favorite pictures of me with my shirt off.
Top 10 Most OverHyped Movies in History