Bad Movies

SYNOPSIS: A sewage worker gets trapped inside a septic tank during a water contamination crisis and undergoes a hideous transformation. To escape, he must team up with a docile Giant and confront the murdering madman known as Lord Auch. REVIEW: The appropriately titled Septic Man opens with a scene of a woman in what has to be the filthiest bathroom …

SYNOPSIS:  An unemployed cartoonist moves back in with his parents and younger brother Freddy. When his parents demand he leave, he begins to spread rumors that his father is sexually abusing Freddy. REVIEW: Back in the late 1990s or early 2000s MTV decided to give “comedian” (that term is being used a little too loosely here) Tom Green his own …

SYNOPSIS: When a hot-air balloon crashes on a remote island, the crew discovers Dr. Frankenstein’s ancestor carrying on the family work, along with a race of mutants and a population of Amazons. REVIEW:Today’s B-movie romp is 1981’s Frankenstein Island, which centers on a group of guys that were traveling in hot air balloons in hopes of breaking some records. However, …

SYNOPSIS: A detective of the paranormal slowly unravels mysterious events with deadly results. REVIEW: I had been dreading this. Ever since I agreed to reviewing movies that are largely considered bad, there was one director whose work I feared having to review. I had a feeling, this sense of impending doom, that it was going to happen. Sure enough, my …

SYNOPSIS: The Man of Steel crusades for nuclear disarmament and meets Lex Luthor’s latest creation, Nuclear Man. REVIEW: Today’s journey into bad movie land is the much-maligned Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, though if the director had his way, it would have had the subtitle The Quest for a Budget by the time they wrapped. The film centers on …

SYNOPSIS: The Martians kidnap Santa Claus because there is nobody on Mars to give their children presents. REVIEW: Well it’s that time of year for about a million holiday movies to be shown ad nauseum. For some of us, the nonstop bombardment of Christmas themed shows and movies tend to get tiresome to the point that you start wanting to …

SYNOPSIS: A small construction crew on an island is terrorized when some strange spirit-like being takes over a large bulldozer, and goes on a killing rampage. REVIEW: If memory serves me correctly, the 1970s brought us many nature runs amok movies. Jaws, Piranha, Gator, and Grizzly are all examples of movies that were trying to show us that the nature …

SYNOPSIS: Five teenagers embark on a boating trip off the coast of Florida. The teens get hopelessly lost at sea after they get caught in a fierce storm. Fortunately, the quintet stumble across an abandoned yacht in the middle of the ocean with a mysterious biology lab on board it. Unfortunately, there are also ferocious mutated prehistoric fish running amok …

SYNOPSIS: In the far future water is the most valuable substance. Two space pirates are captured, sold to a princess, and recruited to help her find her father who disappeared when he found information dangerous to the rulers. A real Space Opera with sword fights, explosions, fighting robots, monsters, bar fights and time warps. REVIEW: I first saw Ice Pirates …

  SYNOPSIS: An edgy action thriller set in Las Vegas during a terrorist attack. A brilliant computer loner takes control of the city and the attack as he fights with his fits of overwhelming depression and obsessions with love and death. REVIEW: Today’s journey into the B grade cinema jungle is brought to us by one Neil Breen. A Las …

SYNOPSIS: After a nuclear war, the survivors are divided between horribly mutated beings who live on desolate reservations and fertile women who are searching for scarce virile men in order to multiply and start a new human society. REVIEW: Oh, Roddy Piper. You might not have been the hero we wanted, but you were the hero we needed. Okay, that’s …

SYNOPSIS: Sword and sorcery story of the cosmic struggle between white magic and black magic. REVIEW: When I saw the name Sorceress on the list of movies I had to review, I was excited at first until I saw that it was the 1982 movie and not the one from the 1990s. While the latter one is not considered a …

SYNOPSIS: Low-budget film about a young man given a mystical medallion by an Aztec shaman, in order to become a puma-empowered champion like his father before him. In trying to initially locate the young man, the shaman has the nasty habit of pushing candidates out of windows to test them (“Nope, not him.”) REVIEW: Pumaman was an Italian superhero flick …

SYNOPSIS: Aliens land in the town of “Speelburgh” searching for the source of rock & roll. They find trouble with Dee Dee, Frankie and the pack. REVIEW: Holy crap. That was the only response I could think of after the ending credits to Voyage of the Rock Aliens played. Just a few weeks ago, if you tried to describe this …

SYNOPSIS: Deathstalker helps Reena the Seer out of a few jams, and she solicits his help for a bigger task. She reveals that she is actually Princess Evie, but the evil sorcerer had her abducted and cloned in order to seize control of the kingdom. Together they travel to the evil sorcerer’s stronghold to restore the princess to her rightful …