What’s going on acolytes of mine? It is I your lord & master The Black Saint back again with the latest & greatest news in the world of Horror/Sci-Fi this week. I do hope that all of you have been following my directives each & every week. It is very important….to you! I like the idea of all of my acolytes reading my weekly column & anxiously awaiting the next one. I also enjoy the prayers that I have been receiving from all of you. But let’s get something straight..lately I’ve been getting requests for stuff in your prayers. You know “O mighty Black Saint, I need a new DVD player” or some kind of sh*t like that. Understand this people, you pray to me to keep me AWAY from you. I’m not Santa Claus & if I show up at your door I’m not going to be bringing gifts. I’ll be bringing the pain! Lots & lots of glorious pain. Pinhead & his p*ssy cenobites have nothing on me. So just pray that I’m satisfied with your prayers praising my bad nature & absolutely evil influence on anything & anyone I come in contact with & we’ll be golden. As members of my ever growing army I expect all of you to spread the disease. Tell your friends, your family, your grandparents….tell em’ all! They don’t want to be left out when I decide the time is right to mobilize my army & really start some sh*t. It will be glorious when that day comes…when my legions are running through the streets rounding up all of those who aren’t acolytes and start dispensing the proper punishment…
But enough of that for now my little ones. Now it’s time to serve up some of the latest dish of all that goes on in the wondrous world of Horrorwood & the people behind it. Shall we begin…..?
“The Haunting In Georgia”
It seems that the success of “The Haunting In Connecticut” has given those behind it the idea that people will keep lining up for more of the same. So here comes “The Haunting In Georgia”. Starring Chad Michael Murray (One Tree Hill), the story involves a couple who get worried when their young daughter starts talking to people only she can see…Filming starts off this November under the watchful eyes of Tom Elkins. Apparently Gold Circle films is hoping to make a series of “The Haunting In (place state name here)”. I have to admit that I wasn’t overwhelmed by the first film & I don’t expect much from this one either but enough people saw the first one to warrant this one. And I support all Horror films good or bad. So I hope this one at the very least gives me a shudder or two.
Kate Beckinsdale is back….in BLACK!!
Kate Beckinsdale has officially signed on to reprise her role of Selene in the fourth in the “Underworld” series at Screen Gems. There are no details about what the story entails as of yet but it’s likely that it will pick up where “Underworld: Evolution” ended with all of the elders dead & Selene having special powers including the ability to tolerate sunlight. The script was written by John Hlavin. No director has been attached as of yet & a call is being placed to casting companies for an actress to play Selene’s daughter. But f*ck all that noise, Kate is gonna be back & she’s going to be in that crazy f*cking skin tight leather outfit! I gotta take a bathroom break just thinking about it right now….damn.
More “Godzilla” bullsh*t…
It seems to me that producer Brian Rodgers has been really busy making what seem to be apologies disguised as truths about his “Godzilla” reboot coming in 2012. Firstly it was conceived as an IMAX style 3D movie & then he realigned it conceptually for a wide release 3D digital film. Then he claims that the last “Godzilla” reboot made some “Bad Decisions” That he hopes to avoid (why hope? Just avoid em’). So apparently he isn’t going to look like a f*cking Iguana. He then compares he film to “Batman Begins” (heady company indeed). The big “G” is going to be all CG & there will be at least one or more monsters in the film that Godzilla will be battling. He claims that not having other monsters in the film goes against the “Spirit Of The Character”. But in the original “Godzilla” (Gojira) there were no other monsters other than good old mankind who was responsible for Godzilla’s creation in the first place. So I don’t think it should be called a remake or reboot or whatever they’re calling them now in Horrorwood. He didn’t really start getting into battles against other creatures until the early 60’s. I’m pretty sure that this one is going to be D.O.A. if people are already starting to make excuses for it before one frame of film is shot…
“Case 39” opens this week!
It’s only been on the shelf for about 3 years now. Why it hasn’t gone directly to video is anybody’s guess. But those in the know claim that the film sat for so long because it is absolutely awful. Renee Zellwegger is a fine actress but she hasn’t ever been a lock to open a film on her own…. ever.
My feeling is that the producers got lucky & Bradley Cooper has since production of this film ended has become something of a Hollywood heartthrob in the interim. But I gotta say that the trailer looks actually interesting even though it gives away Mr. Cooper’s demise in the middle of it. Not a good idea when a lot of young ladies will be going to see him & not the skeletal remains of the erstwhile Ms. Zellwegger.
Who’s directing “Superman” this week?
The names change every day seemingly in regards to the “Superman” reboot that Paramount is prepping. Initially the list of names included: Tony Scott, Jonathan Liebsman, Duncan Jones, Matt Reeves & Zack Snyder according to Deadline. While doing press for “Let Me In”, Reeves told JoBlo that he was surprised at the news since no one had approached him to even ask if he was interested. Then The L.A. Times reported that Darren Aronofsky had been in discussions with Warners about helming the film with Natalie Portman playing Lois Lane. Now word comes from Heat Vision that Ben Affleck took a meeting on the project last week but ultimately turned it down. So who would you guys like to see running this show? Me? I’d like to see Duncan “Moon” Jones running this show. I don’t know how many of you actually saw “Moon” but it is a fascinating movie & has a great look to it as well. In addition, guess who Duncan’s dad is? The one & only David Bowie! Could you imagine a “Superman” movie with a theme song from Bowie helmed by his son? I can’t either, that’s why it has to be made with Duncan at the helm. I think he has the vision that Kubrick had & he could make a pretty cool movie. Plus he’ll be cheap because he isn’t really a “Name” director as of yet.
Dario does Dracula…in 3D
Bloody-disgusting reports that Dario Argento’s take on Dracula will be in 3D & it will be “A film full of feeling because Dracula is also “Sentimental” (?). Dracula loves & hates with strength, appeal & resolution which reflects my way of making films”. So that explains why “Mother Of Tears” was a piece of sh*t I suppose. He also claims to be “Fascinated by the character of Mina” who we all know Drac loves desperately. He also claims that it will be a “Bloody, strong” film. Let’s hope he doesn’t cast his daughter Asia in the role as I think she’s getting a little long in the tooth if you know what I mean.
More 3D stupidity.
Markus Welter’s 3D horror slasher “One Way Trip” has officially begun production today. Based on a screenplay by Matthias Bauer & Bastian Zach, Bloody-Disgusting reports that the film focuses on a group of young people who fall into the clutches of a murderous madman while they’re searching for Shrooms to get high on in Switzerland. Switzerland HesseGreutert film is proud to announce that this will be Switzerland’s first 3D film & describe it as “An intelligent slasher film with gothic elements & an unexpected ending”. Switzerland’s first 3D film & it’s going to be about a slasher killing kids? In 3D no less? I suppose the originality quotient in that country isn’t very high amongst it’s filmmakers if that’s the best they could come up with.
“Wolf Creek 2”
Writer Alan Jones revealed (On Twitter of all places) that Greg McLean is gearing up for the long awaited sequel to “Wolf Creek”. John Jarratt will be reprising his lead role of psycho Mick Taylor who slashes up youngsters who go too far into the outback. I thought the first film was way overrated & really don’t see the need for a sequel. But who am I to tell these guys what to do with their money? It’s not like there’s any starving children in the world that could use some food that could be bought with the money that’s making drivel like this & the aforementioned “One Way Trip”. Oh well…at least it’s not in 3D.
Santa is back again, killing all of the kids. Not just the naughty ones.
A new Dutch indie film “Sint” takes place during SinterKlass (Saint Nicholas), a typical Dutch fest for children that takes place in December. But at this festival he’s going to try as many children possible. I like a film (Derivative as it is) where the little ones get the proverbial “Axe”. I mean, why do kids & dogs make it through all types of horror/apocalypse films anyway? I’m sick of that sh*t…kill some kids, make it bloody as all f*ck & throw a dog or two in there for good measure. Here’s the trailer: www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/21819/
Now this sounds like some good sh*t right here. Four of history’s greatest Horror writers(Edgar Allen Poe, Bram Stoker, H.P. Lovecraft & Mary Shelley) are brought together by Satan for a night of spooky storytelling. The winner gets whatever they desire. Get this lineup though: Kane Hodder, Gunnar Hansen, Udo Kier, Doug Bradley, William Sadler, Robert Englund, David Naughton, Debbie Rochon & a host of other Horror luminaries to be announced soon. The film is being directed by Jon Keeyes & sounds like a real winner on paper. Man I hope they don’t f*ck this one up. It has such great potential….
Drew Daywalt’s indie production of “Mama’s Baby” is in post right now but you can catch a sneak of it on his facebook page. The short deals with a woman who tries to find personal satisfaction despite the monster behind a locked door trying to get at her. BD reports that Daywalt “Is digging into some psychosexual David Cronenberg kind of stuff with this one” The creature is designed by John Abrahamson & built by Jeff Farley. Check out the facebook page. It looks sick!!
In the next couple of weeks I will be posting reviews for “Case 39”, “S&MAN”, “Let Her In” & whatever other atrocities get released on the big screen. I might drop in a few DVD suggestions every now & again as well. Only the sh*t I feel is good enough for my readers & the readers who hang out here at Horrornews.net, the place to be if you wanna read me. I also will be attending the L.A. Weekend Of Horrors in about 3 weeks & I hope to meet some fans of the website & would love to get your feedback as well as dropping a cople of shots of whatever’s handy at the hotel bar. This offer is especially for the lovely ladies who get off on Horror films as much as I do. I hope to meet all of you. As the date gets closer I’ll be letting all of you know what my itinerary should be entailing.
So until then you lovely f*cking freaks I call my own, remember to keep extra toilet paper in the house (paper towels just don’t cut it), Vacuum your f*cking carpets on a semi regular basis if you would please. Shit gets piled up pretty fast on carpet. Help your little f*cking rugrats with their homework because they are our future (HAH)!! But as always, most of all, say your prayers every night. You never know who might be listening…it could be ME!!