Nut shots are staples in the world of comedy but more extreme versions also appear in a number of horror films. Actually, I guess it’s more accurate to say that nuts (and penises) are more often cut off, ripped off, bitten off, and shot off in horror films to be more specific. Several people have lost their family jewels in a number of ways in horror films through the years and for some reason there is just something satisfying (and extremely painful) to see a character in a horror movie face some sort of genital trauma (or worse) as it usually happens to a despicable person that really deserves it in most cases (though there are a few exceptions). Hell, even the female characters aren’t safe from this and there are a number of women in horror movies who have been subjected to death or injury in their nether regions.
With that being said I give you my list of the Top Ten Genital-Related Deaths/Injuries in Horror Films...
*****Be aware there are a ton of spoilers ahead*****
- Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter-Paul goes for a Ride
I love Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and think that it is one of the best of the series. It is the last time we see Jason run (I don’t count the crappy remake), it introduces the character of Tommy Jarvis, and was a big deal at the time of its release because all of us where tricked into thinking that it really would be the last time we got to see Jason do his thing (boy, were we gullible). It also has some of the best death scenes from the series and one of them involves a poor character named Paul who is taken out in a mighty painful way. You see, Paul goes out to the lake to check on his girlfriend Sam, who is floating around on a raft, only to discover that Jason has killed her off. Before he can escape our favorite hockey-masked pays him a visit with a spear gun. He impales Paul in the crotch with the spear, lifts him high in the air and fires it, sending him on a painful trip through the air as he tries in vain to pull the spear out of his groin. This scene always cracks me up no matter how many times I see it and even though I am sure it hurt like hell it’s still quite funny and pretty unforgettable.
- Piranha 3DD–Josh and Shelby should have practiced Safe Sex
Most people hate Piranha 3DD and while it is nowhere near as good as the first film that came out in 2010 I still like it and don’t think that it is that bad. There is one scene that takes place during the film where we see two characters, Josh and Shelby, have sex with disastrous results. You see, Shelby somehow unknowingly has a baby piranha…ummm…inside her (I don’t know but I think that this would be one of those things you would be aware of), and when they are in the middle of having sex it ends up biting Josh in a very uncomfortable place. To make matters worse it won’t let go so he has to make the tough decision to cut off his penis in order to get it off of him. Ouch. He ends up surviving the ordeal but probably regrets doing so because let’s face it, there’s no chance of him ever having sex with Shelby (or anyone else for that matter) in the traditional way ever again for the rest of his life.
- Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks–Alina has an Explosive Orgasm
While it isn’t a horror film Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks is pretty scary in its own way and features a unique and painful death scene that involves a poor woman’s vagina. Alina (played by Haji of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! fame) is a spy that has infiltrated Ilsa’s harem to find out what it is Ilsa is up to. Unfortunately, she gets found out and after having her breasts crushed by a torture device and getting her feet eaten by carnivorous ants she has an explosive device placed in her vagina by Ilsa. The catch is that the device will explode once she has an orgasm, and boy does she ever after Ilsa forces her to have one with the help of a machine she refers to as “The Love Machine.” Poor Alina is helpless to resist and even though it appears that she is enjoying the experience at first when she reaches climax her vagina (and the rest of her) literally explodes all over the room when the device inside her goes off. It’s a pretty crazy scene and just goes to show how cruel and out there the character of Ilsa really is. She does a lot of things like this in the movies that she has appeared in so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t show up again on this list before we are finished.
- The Last House on the Left (1972)-Weasel gets Head
The Last House on the Left is a classic horror film and was pretty controversial when it was released thanks to all the disturbing things that take place in it. One of the most satisfying moments in it is when Weasel, one of the film’s villains, gets what’s coming to him at the hands of the mother of one of his victims. After letting Weasel and his pals into their home John and Estelle figure out that they are responsible for the deaths of their daughter Mari and her friend Phyliss and decided to take revenge on them. Estelle seduces Weasel and at one point performs fellatio on him only to bite off his member right in the middle of it, causing him to bleed to death. It’s a pretty painful scene but we don’t feel too bad for old Weasel because he more than deserves what happens to him thanks to what he’s done and you can’t help cheer for Estelle for taking him out in such a hardcore way. Still, to think about it actually happening to you if you are a guy…Ouch.
- Antichrist (2009)-Crushed Nuts
Lars Van Trier’s 2009 film Antichrist is a weird little flick that tries a little too hard in my opinion and I don’t really care for it but there is one scene that is pretty hard to forget no matter how hard you try. There is a certain point when “She” (the characters in it don’t have actual names) attacks “He” (played by Willem Dafoe, who had a car payment to make or something and needed cash so he agreed to be in this film) and smashes his testicles with a block of wood. The pain is so intense that he passes out (which I am sure any man would really do in such a circumstance) and then she plays with him until he ejaculates blood all over the place (believe me, it’s even more disturbing than it sounds if that’s possible). To make matters worse he doesn’t die from his injuries and is alive (though probably never the same ever again) at the end of the film. Did I mention that She also cuts off her clitoris at one point with a pair of scissors too during the course of things (so I guess we have a two-for-one with this entry if you think about it)? I’m guessing Van Trier must have some issues that he probably needs to deal with.
- The Mutilator-Sue gets Hooked
I love 1985’s The Mutilator and think that it is a just a fun, underrated slasher flick that is a bit underappreciated in a lot of ways. It is about a group of friends on vacation terrorized by a demented killer that takes them out in a number of creative ways. It’s your pretty typical 80’s slasher flick in a lot of ways and doesn’t really bring anything new to the table, but I still dig it for what it is. One scene in particular stands out that involves the character of Sue (Connie Rogers, who never acted ever again after this film) being attacked by the title character. Her attacker comes at her with a huge fishing gaff (which is just a big fishing hook) and stabs her between the legs with it in a very painful-looking scene. Then be proceeds to finish her off by decapitating her, but to be honest she is probably grateful because it means that it puts her out of the misery of having her vagina impaled with a giant fish hook. It’s a pretty disturbing and mean-spirited scene and comes out of nowhere considering the other death scenes that take place in the movie consist mainly of your standard stabbings and the like that aren’t that memorable for the most part. I remember seeing Sue’s death for the first time back when I was a kid around 1987 or so and thinking “Damn, that’s got to hurt!” even though I didn’t have a vagina. For a lot of viewers this death scene was the highlight of the movie due to how vicious and out there it was, and I know a lot of people who have seen this movie that only remember this particular scene from the entire film.
- Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS-Ilsa’s Special Toy
See, I told you we’d see Ilsa on the list again, didn’t I? The character first appeared in the sleazy 1975 Naziploitation flick Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS and is probably at her worse in this film. When she isn’t castrating male prisoners who can’t satisfy her sexually she is busy trying to prove her theory that women have a stronger pain threshold than men by subjecting them to a number of painful tortures that usually involve their vaginas, nipples, or both. One scene that really stands out involves her using her special toy, a huge dildo wrapped in copper coils that she inserts into her victims’ uhhh….special area that delivers one hell of an electric shock to them. After using it on three women (who all scream, yell, cry, and collapse to the floor in agony afterward) she goes to work on a woman named Anna-who has an incredibly high pain threshold to the point that it is almost like she is resistant to pain-with it. Anna surprises Ilsa by showing that she really is a tough chick and withstands the dildo torture without screaming or crying like the others (which probably isn’t really a good idea because it results in her being horribly tortured in a number of other ways-such as essentially having her crotch set on fire later on- as Ilsa becomes determined to make her scream). This scene is pretty infamous and is probably what the movie itself is best known for. Even though the electrified dildo doesn’t kill anyone it does cause an intense amount of pain for several of the characters in the movie and as such I believe it deserves a spot on this list as a result.
- Hostel: Part II-Stuart goes to the Dogs
I dig the Hostel movies (even the third one), and if I had to pick a favorite I guess I’d go with the second one. One of the reasons that I like it is because one of the film’s antagonists, Stuart, (who seems like he’s not that bad of a guy until toward the end when he shows his true colors) really gets his just desserts at the hands of his intended victim Beth. It turns out that Beth has a mean streak herself and doesn’t take to kindly to Stuart trying to kill her, but what really sets her off is when her verbally insults her. How does she respond, you ask? By cutting off his penis and feeding it to a dog. Since Stuart is tied up during all this he is helpless to do anything about it so he has no choice by to sit there and watch the dog eat his mutilated manhood before bleeding to death. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy if you ask me.
- I Spit on your Grave (1978)–Johnny’s Not-So-Happy Ending
I Spit on your Grave is probably the best revenge flicks in the history of film. It centers around a woman who brutally kills a group of men who gang raped her and is without a doubt pretty hard to watch at times due to how realistic and disturbing it is (it features the longest rape scene of all time that just seems to go on forever and ever and is even more unsettling due to the fact that one of the men involved is mentally handicapped). The rape victim, Jennifer (played to perfection by the great Camille Keaton) kills off her attackers in a number of brutal ways, but probably the most unsettling one takes place in a bathtub when she seduces one of them named Johnny. They get naked, get in the bathtub and start getting down to business so to speak when Jennifer pulls out a knife that she has snuck into the bathroom and proceeds to castrate him. Even though he more than deserves what happens to him it’s a very gruesome and bloody scene and as looks incredibly painful. After she cuts off his manhood she locks him in the bathroom-bleeding profusely and screaming at the top of his lungs-then goes into the other room and starts listening to classical music as he continues to scream and pleads for help until he bleeds to death. It’s a very powerful and disturbing moment and stays with you long after the end credits have rolled.
- Cutting Moments-The Love Scene
Much like Lars Van Trier, filmmaker Douglas Buck has some issues that he should probably try and deal with and if you need proof look no further than to his 1997 short film Cutting Moments. Basically, the film is about an unhappy couple that deal with said unhappiness by mutilating themselves with various objects while they have sex. She starts things off by pretty much rubbing her lips off with steel wool and then things go from bad to worse as a pair of scissors and some hedge clippers are brought into play. Long story short, the man ends up cutting off the wife’s breasts with the hedge clippers and then for a grand finale uses them to cut his own penis off while she looks on in approval. The fact that he is castrated is bad enough, but Jesus, he does it himself for Pete’s sakes!!!
Cutting Moments is one of the most disturbing films ever made in my opinion and I have known a couple of people personally who have watched it who got physically ill while doing so (and some of these people were hardcore horror fans). If you want to see something that will really freak you out then this movie is totally for you. I think the most unsettling thing about the whole “he just cut off his own penis with a pair of hedge clippers” thing is that he does is willingly and really isn’t that bothered by it. His wife is turned on by him doing so and I guess he is too even though he no longer has the right tool so to speak to do anything about it. Creepy, crazy stuff, folks. Totally a movie that you don’t want to watch with Mom, Grandma, or the kiddies.
There you have it guys, my list of the Top Ten Genital-Related Deaths/Injuries/Mutilations in Horror Films. Let me know what you think as I love hearing from you!
Mother’s Day (1980)-Balls, meet axe
Neighbor-Sticking a little something in the pee hole
Planet Terror-Tarantino’s would-be rapist character loses his boys
Cannibal Ferox-Castration scene
Seven-The Lust victim
The Rage: Carrie 2-The chick from the Clueless TV show accidentally blows off that kid from Home Improvement‘s balls with a spear gun
Sleepaway Camp-Judy and the curling iron
Return to Sleepaway Camp-Little Randy goes bye-bye