Haunted Honeymoon

Film Review: Return To Horror High (1987)

SYNOPSIS:

A few years ago, a mysterious serial-killer caused panic on Crippen High School. The killer was never caught. A movie company, Cosmic Pictures, has decided to make a feature movie about these events – on location, at the now abandoned school. Since members of cast and crew disappear without a trace, it seems as if history is repeating itself.

REVIEW:

Director – Bill Froehlich
Starring – Richard Brestoff, George Clooney, Vince Edwards

Did you ever want to see George Clooney get his face smashed into a door? No? Perhaps you’d like to see Maureen McCormick (yep, the one and only Marcia Brady from The Brady Bunch) in a cop uniform, covered in blood, feeling herself up? Maybe?

Believe it or not you get this and a whole lot more in Return To Horror High, a movie from 1987 that never takes itself too seriously. But wait, it’s a horror movie, right? I mean, it’s got the word horror in the title. Well, it is, to an extent. It’s also a comedy of sorts.

In all honesty, it’s quite a bit of different things but yes, at the end of the day, it never strays too far from its horror roots. I do own this movie and I have to say that overall I really enjoy it. Good, not so clean fun, if you will. I will say this, though, the ending might make some people mad. It happens. But you do get some great dialogue, great acting and overall fun vibes.

It starts with some information against a black screen. “In 1982, a series of brutal murders rocked Crippen High School. The killer was never apprehended. Three months ago, Cosmic Pictures went to the town of Crippen to film the story of what actually happened – making the movie in the very halls of the now abandoned school. They were not alone.”

From here we meet the local police as they arrive at the scene of a grisly sight. Bodies lie strewn about the school grounds, covered in bloody white sheets. The captain wants to know what the hell happened. The only survivor of the film crew is the screenwriter, who sits on a step, flashlight in hand, totally scared out of his mind. With a little encouragement they get him to tell the tale.

From here the movie will bounce back and forth, from present to past as the viewer finds out about the events that led to the massacre. We watch as the low budget film crew shoots the movie. Yes, this is one of those movies in a movie. But all in all, it’s done very well.

Maureen McCormick is fun if not a little strange as a hyper-sexual cop who seems to get more and more turned on by the more blood that she finds. Veteran actors Alex Rocco and Al Fann join the mix and they are both fantastic.

Alex plays low budget film producer and sleaze extraordinaire Harry Sleerik. All he wants out of his movie is more blood and more nudity. God bless him. Al plays janitor Amos, a fun old man who, now that he’s in the movies, wants to turn his new found good fortune into a p*rn acting career. He’s a blast to watch.

In fact, all of the acting is above average for a horror movie. You can tell that everyone had a good time making this film and it shows. And everything plays better for it, especially the comedy.

As for the horror side, there are good parts as well. I love the mask of the killer, very creepy. There is also quite a bit of blood and gore along with a fun kill involving an ax and a head.

Overall, I would have to say check this one out, especially if you are a fan of eighties horror. This is one of those movies that is just plain fun to watch. Not the thing you’d expect to read out of a horror movie review but it’s the truth. And the filmmakers know it, almost giving the viewer a wink and a nod as the crazy proceedings unfold. If you watch it, just sit back, relax, and enjoy. If you think too much you’ll probably miss out on the silliness of it all.

Return To Horror High (1987)

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