Film Review: Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

SYNOPSIS:

Two luckless friends (played by James Corden and Mathew Horne) head to a hamlet in the Welsh countryside for a hiking holiday, only to find all the women of the village enslaved by an ancient vampire curse. Armed with crucifixes, axes and anything else they can add to their arsenal, the duo prepares to fight for their lives. Paul McGann and Silvia Colloca also star in this bitingly funny tale of horror from director Phil Claydon.

REVIEW:

I wasn’t sure as to what to expect from Lesbian Vampire Killers , With such a ” In Your Face ” title i imagined it would be either awful or something great. What i got was something decent that had the potential to be something great.

You start out with a prologue that tells the story of Carmilla The Vampire Queen and at the time of her death lands a curse on the small town of Craigswich that turns all the girls on their 18th birthday into Lesbian Vampires . You then jump to present day and two friends Jimmy and Fletch. Both are down on there luck after Jimmy loses his bitch of a girlfriend and Fletch his clown job for punching a 7 year old boy .

The friends decide to go on a hiking trip to Craigswich where they run into a van full of hot college girls researching legends . lore and myths. Jimmy , Fletch and the girls go to the cabin they were sent to by the barkeep for a free night stay not knowing of a pact of leering in fresh meat for the vampires. Once nightfall comes the girls one by one are turned into lesbian vampires . It is now up to Jimmy and Fletch and the local priest to save humanity and stop the resurrection of Carmilla The Vampire Queen.

I found this movie to be entertaining but it really could have been so much more. It was well filmed and the acting was pretty good , I also liked the story line of the film but for a horror comedy it only had a few funny scenes. Fletch and the foul mouthed priest / vicar really are the only characters to bring any aspect of comedy to the movie and even then it was pretty juvenile . You can tell they were attempting to be a “Shaun of the Dead” ripoff except not as good and exchange the Zombies for Lesbian Vampires.

When you hear the title Lesbian Vampire Killers you would expect to see a few things……Nudity , Blood and Vampires and the film seemed to be lacking all of these. I was expecting a bloody lesbian vampire orgy and got the complete opposite. There was very little nudity and i was really surprised by that.

I figured this would be full of topless vamps but besides a scene in the beginning where the vamp chicks are cleaning each others breasts with their tongues nudity is non existent.The vampires when staked or killed give us a geyser of a milky white sticky goo……Not a drop of blood the entire move. I personally think if they would have spent the extra bucks for the red stuff the gore factor in this movie would have made it much better, however the white goo just didn’t do it for me. The vampire slayings weren’t very creative either, well except for the decapitation by frying pan. When the vampires claim the college girls as there victims you are left to imagine what had happened rather then see them seduced and over powered then killed ,and finally the vampires don’t get much screen time , even if it is only a 88 minute movie.

Not as good as other UK movies like Shaun of the Dead or The Cottage but still a fun movie. And definitely not comparable to horror comedies such as An American Werewolf in London or Return Of The Living Dead but it is still worth a watch.An obvious attempt at a Hammer Horror parody but if your looking for a fun Porky’s meets Vamp you might love it.

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