Haunted Honeymoon

Top 10 tips to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

So you are sitting at home playing Left for Dead 2 just minding your own business, when you hear gunshots, screaming and a thud at your door. You look outside and you know exactly what has happened, Zombie’s are taking over the world. You turn on the news and see that some biological engineer college senior split a few too many genes and created the Zombie virus which is now infecting the entire area and soon the world. But what do you do? Are you prepared for this sudden outbreak?

Will you be able to survive the Apocalypse? Well after reading my list of ten tips to survive the Zombie Apocalypse, you will be prepared come that dark filled day. Below I will be giving you tips on how to live the longest, what to buy, what you should have in stock and other various tips to prepare you for Z-Day. Every item in my list is CRUCIAL to survival so they are in no particular order.

Buy as many badass guns as you can – Its best to do this in advance because ten bucks says your local gun emporium will be sold out of anything useful against the Zombies come Z-Day. You can and probably should buy these guns over a long period because nothing says mass murderer more than buying an UZI one day and a M16 on the next. But you do what you want. Other than big guns you will also want a few hand guns for when you’re on the run and killing off Zombies as you move to the next safe house. For these I would recommend some Glock pistols and two or three 1911 pistols. However, these guns are worthless without ammo, and you will need a lot of it. Once you have your ammo, load up your guns with them, set them by the door or some place where you can always quickly grab them and wait for the Zombies to come a knockin’.

Invest in quality running shoes – If you can’t run very fast just stop reading this list right now because you will die on the first day. Running is essential during a Zombie outbreak and you can’t run if your shoes are falling apart or you have boots on. You will be running for the majority of your survival. Whether it’s running away from Zombies, running to another safe house or running faster than your friend, you will need quality shoes. You don’t need to spend a lot of money on these shoes, but you should buy quite a few pair because history tells us that Zombie Apocalypses don’t go away over night. 

Don’t be afraid to kill a recently infected loved one or friend – This is what always f*cks people over in the end. Your wife or husband has just been bitten but you think that this one time they wont be infected, this one time nothing will happen. YOU’RE WRONG. Once your loved one is infected you have one minute and twenty-six seconds to kill that bitch before he or she comes after you craving your brains. So just man up, or woman up, and kill your friend or loved one at first sign of bite marks. Even if a mark looks like a bite mark kill them, better safe than sorry I always say. 

Get the best armor money can buy – Nothing is worse than buying cheap armor and finding out later that it isn’t Zombie proof, so spend a few extra bucks and invest in the best armor out there. The armor should be light but effective. I would suggest chain mail, its light and bite proof. But if chain mail isn’t your thing find something else that is bite proof and covers your entire body, especially your neck. A helmet would be useful for the Zombies that go straight for the brains, and a shield would be good for bulldozing through massive crowds of Zombies and escaping un-bitten. The final piece to add to your armor collection is a facemask and goggles. This protects your eyes from getting blood or brain matter in them and protects your face from getting ripped off by sharp Zombie fingernails. 

Reinforce all windows and doors – Every person knows that Zombies don’t care if they hurt themselves, which means they have no problem smashing their heads through windows or doors. Take some 2x4s and nail the sh*t out of them on every door and window in the place. Also, create a kind of warning system to let yourself know that there is someone or something right outside. This can be helpful in the ways that you can find a way to escape, or set up every gun you have and get ready to defend the fort. Finally, set up a perimeter around the establishment as yet another barrier that the Zombies must pass through in order to get to you. 

Keep yourself occupied – Apart from running like hell and trying to get as many headshots as possibly, there will be down time and you will need to keep yourself occupied. There will be no electricity, as the Zombie will have already torn down every power line in sight. If you are with a group you might pass the time by telling stories or getting to know each other better. However, DO NOT HAVE SEX! There is nothing worse than being so close to orgasming when a Zombie head comes through the window and you can’t get dressed in time and you get eaten. If you are alone you can pass time by adding more reinforcements to the perimeter, try to widdle something with a knife or try to see how many times you can say, “I saw Susie sitting in a shoe shine shop. Where she sits she shines, and where she shines she sits.”

Don’t make other survivors mad – You want everyone on your side; there aren’t a lot of humans alive so any non-Zombie you can find is a blessing. If you have a past of speaking your mind and insulting people, you might want to try shutting the hell up for a few days so you can keep the few friends you have. If you do end up pissing someone off and they have a clean shot of the Zombies running straight at you and you’re out of bullets, that friend make take a few seconds more than usual to start shooting, which probably won’t be a good thing.

Stay out of Cities – When traveling from safe house to safe house or village to village, make sure you never, EVER enter cities. Cities are a death traps waiting to be unleashed. They are a lot of people all cluttered together, which probably means there will be a lot of zombies in a small space. Not even the best Zombie hunters can survive in these kinds of elements. Your best bet is to get out as fast as you can and make your way to a small town. This will mean less chance of massive Zombie crowds and it will also boost your chance of survival. If you find a perfect place you might be able to hang out there long enough until a cure is discovered (this assuming you have enough food and water to survive). 

Don’t be afraid to light the forest on fire – I’m sure the police and fire department (if any still exist) have more things to worry about than a forest fire. These fires can be highly effective because they can burn down a lot of land in a short period of time. This also means that it can burn a lot of Zombies who are traveling on foot in a short period. Just watch out for a wind shift because nothing sucks more than burning down your own safe house. 

Do not give up – This may be the most important tip on my list. Things will get bad, and at some points, really bad. You might have just killed your girlfriend and best friend, but just think if you survive you can be one of the people that needs to help repopulate the planet and we all know what that means. You need to keep your morals high and focus on surviving and try not to break down. The moment you lose focus the Zombies will kill you. You need to be on the top of your game at all times and always be thinking on the bright side of life.

I hope that these tips one day help you out in a Zombie Apocalypse. If you have any other tips of survival for the readers, be sure to leave them in the comments below.

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About Jeff Colebank

Jeff is currently attending Colorado State University studying Journalism and Technical Communication. His first horror film memory is watching The Shinning with his Grandma when he was 7 years old.

8 Responses to Top 10 tips to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

  1. Hey hey, very cool list! I’ll be sure to keep some points in mind, although guns are more difficult to come by here in Europe! I guess in a pinch we’re kinda of, you know, making-loved up.

    I had a similar list one day, but from the zombies point of view:

    http://floatingrobes.blogspot.com/2011/01/10-tips-for-succesful-integration-of.html

    Keep up the good work!

    Marcel

  2. Lesia says:

    Don’t forget the hatchet! I live in the south and practically every vehicle has a rifle or gun
    somewhere.

    Kill anyone with a bite, I’m there with you, stay away from hospitals, they are ground zero.
    Someone should really talk to them about recognizing a zombie vs. sick people, sick people don’t bite.

    Love your list!

  3. Ali says:

    You should save the animals also because they can get infected to like in some of the movies such as Resident Evil.

    Save us =:~> 3< <:3)~~~~ {:V (o.o) 3:-o ]:(:)( ____/\___\o/___ :8) >”-[ [ [ [ ~~~ ~)))’>

  4. amber says:

    i understand it now that its 2012 because like people have been eating each other

  5. Dkkfkdmkf says:

    Make sure to get all those first aid kits. I’m not sure about the states but I know that in the uk it is law that every car must have a first aid kit in it somewhere, start rounding them up at the first sign of zombie

  6. Faith says:

    It could never hurt to put a silencer on your gun, who knows what kind of senses the undead have. And buy barbed wire, lots of it.

  7. theend says:

    well if you are with a group and need supplies and you are in a city send 4-6 people in give them half an hour and if they do not return they are screwed and move on

  8. Anonymous says:

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! The world is coming to an end

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