Film Review: Zombie Babies (2011)

SYNOPSIS:

A group of expectant mothers, along with their significant others, are invited to a weekend mountain getaway as well as a discounted abortion, known as “Abortathon”, but they get much more than what they planned on when the aborted fetuses rise up as the undead to seek revenge.

REVIEW:

Tired of not having a successful way of making money, Burt Flemming (Brian Gunnoe) and his dimwit partner Teddy (Rob Cobb) find out that they happen to have a talent of performing back alley-type abortions.  They decide to turn a hotel into a hotel/casino/abortion clinic and send out invitations to their annual “Abortahon” to offer late term abortions to any woman who want discrete professional, medical care done, all while enjoying a lovely weekend in the mountains.

Enter the rag-tag group of couples all pregnant and ready to get rid of their unwanted babies.  As they are introduced to their hosts, we are introduced to the guests as well.  Among them are stuck-up bitch Jami Lynn (Missy Dawn), self-proclaimed baseball star, Jackson (Dean Stark),  the overweight and desperate for sex, Louis (Shawn Phillips), mean and obnoxious Veronica (Ruby Larocca), the not so bright Kevin (Eamon Hardiman), and the sweet, caring Leah (Kaylee Williams) who is the only one that doesn’t go thru with the abortion as she decides that she wants to keep her baby.

After the “medical” procedures are done, Teddy discards the fetuses where apparently all fetuses go; the basement, in a pile, right next to what appears to be toxic whiskey that is leaking.  So ensues the return of the living, aborted, babies.

Immediately after they all have their very violent, bloody, dangerous appearing abortions, all the couples decided to enjoy the rest of their weekend having raunchy sex, because nothing says “me so horny” as having an illegal, late-term abortion performed with a rusty hanger done by a reject from Deliverance; but I digress, who am I to judge.   Meanwhile, while the now, no longer pregnant women are displaying their prowess for sex, their cast-away, undead babies are getting revenge in some of the grossest ways possible; including a fetus fecal death scene (which you would have to see…but please don’t).  Once everyone realizes that they are dealing with the Zombie Babies, they must try and survive the night.

Written and directed by Eamon Hardiman, this movie is beyond horrible.  This is something you may see on an “R” rated version of Mystery Science Theater 3000.    The movie boasts lousy special effects, dodgy green screen work, obvious hand puppet monsters, horrible sound, bad cinematography, and over the top gore.  The acting seemed to be mainly the actors standing uncomfortably on a stage reading cue cards.

I’ve seen many, many over the tope movies that pushed the boundaries of what should be seen on screen, but if the movie has a decent premise or even good production value, then I can see why a movie would be made.  Zombie Babies has none of this.  There is nothing endearing about this movie and I’m really surprised it even was able to get distributed.   While the topic of the movie is offensive, that’s not completely what I’m basing my opinion on.  Yes, they made a movie about a touchy subject, but I applaud them for not caring about offending people.  My biggest problem with watching this movie is the fact that, while I’m sure they had fun making it, there was no heart put into it.  Hardiman didn’t seem to care about anything except how gross he could make a movie.  None of the characters meshed, which I know was done deliberately.  The uptight guy with the diseased hooker, the fat guy with the cute Goth girl, the preppy and the “good girl”, but none of their acting meshed together.  They fumbled through scenes like amateur collage film students.  I would also be neglecting to mention the final battle with what I would like to call the Fetal-constructicon (for all you transformer fans out there, you’ll get it)

When I saw the title Zombie Babies, I was reminded of some really great films such as Paul Solet’s, Grace (2009), Peter Jackson’s, Dead Alive (1992), or even Larry Cohen’s, It’s Alive (1974). Ok, that was a monster, not a zombie, but you get the picture.  Zombie Babies has none of the heart or soul that other zombie movies have or need to make it a good zombie picture.  If you watch this movie, be prepared for seeing some of the worst acting in movie history and some over the top, gross-out scenes that will make you shake your head in wonder.  As in, “I wonder why they would do that”.