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Dead Gremlin

In the bog, there is a horror writer who doesn’t know he’s a horror writer. There’s a great deal of paranoia involved when writing the paranormal. As I type one letter at a time, I feel as if my soul starts to empty into the computer. Time becomes irrelevant. It may take me an hour just to type one sentence as I float in and out of consciousness.

Something behind me is breathing on my neck. Do these people really want to read my delusional rants? Type more words and I’ll be ok. I’m holding on tightly to the desk because the floor is starting to move underneath of me.

I’m scared right now. I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish this edition of Unexplained before I’m murdered. I’ll try. Our world is so black and consumed with hate, there’s a bright shiny light of happiness and it’s the world of the dead. Come! Go towards the light! My name is Joyhorror and I have just reached the end of my rope…. Enjoy

Seek out the Truth: Aliens the Truth Monthly Newsletter #12‏ came out April 25th and my last edition of ‘Unexplained Confidential’ is featured in that email. There’s a wonderful interview with Chris Augustin if you missed it. I urge everyone to check out his site www.alienthetruth.com  ! The main news out right now deals with photographs directly from MUFON Pennsylvania Chief Investigator Bob Gardner and MUFON State Section Director Michael Melton. They were on an investigation in Doylestown, PA the evening of April 15th and got some amazing pictures of a partially cloaked triangle craft in the sky.

10 Reasons Not To Hide A DEAD GREMLIN In The Trunk Of Your Car

There has been many top ten lists on this site but none of them have been more practical than this one. There is a unknown epidemic of gremlins in this country and it’s not reported by the news services. Only the people ‘in the know’ are aware of this growing problem. There are many gremlin truths and misconceptions out there. There’s been a ton a rumors flying around about that incident with the gremlin back in the summer of 2007. I’m not here to right any wrongs, only to offer a few tidbits of knowledge that might help someone out in the future.

10. Let’s assume you do find yourself in the awkward position of having a dead gremlin in the trunk of your car. Let’s not worry about how he died. At least, not right now. The trunk of a car is not really a great place to hide your dead gremlin. Automobile trunks get hot, especially in the summer time. Keeping a dead gremlin in your trunk for an extended period of time is going to permanently funk up your ride. You just can’t get that kind of stink out. It’s not like having a dead hooker in your trunk, this smell is a lot worse.

9. The common misconception is that gremlins keep their value after they expire. This is not true. You are not going to get much money at all if you have hopes on selling your dead gremlin of Ebay. A living gremlin – Well, that’s a whole different story.

8. While the laws vary from state to state, if you are pulled over and the police find a dead gremlin in your trunk, usually you are going to get a hefty fine. If you are transporting a dead gremlin across state lines and you are caught, then you might even be looking at possible jail time. Check your local laws for specifics here.

7. Are you sure the gremlin is really dead? You don’t want to get caught driving a car with a live gremlin inside. Gremlins are known for sabotaging vehicles. You are taking you life in your own hands if you even think that you might have a living gremlin inside your moving car. Bad news!

6. Driving in the rain. This is for anyone who is fan of the 1984 movie ‘Gremlins’ because if your trunk isn’t absolutely water proof, then you might have yourself a situation. This goes along with our last reason, because if your gremlin is not dead and the trunk leaks a bit, watch out! When you open the trunk you might find yourself with an entire family of angry gremlins looking up at you instead of only one. Now, if the gremlin is in fact dead and it gets wet, this is a one of those grey areas. The rule is that a dead gremlin when wet will not reproduce, however there is an exception to every rule. Be very careful.

5. There are better places to hide a dead gremlin. If I were to hide a dead gremlin, and I’m not saying that I have a dead gremlin or have ever had a dead gremlin but if I did have a dead gremlin, here’s what I would do: I would keep it in a cool place where it wouldn’t rot. I suggest wrap it very tightly in Reynolds wrap and find a temporary spot in the back of your refrigerator or freezer. Also, keeping a gremlin cool or cold limits the gremlin stench.

4. Why are we even worrying about hiding the said, “dead gremlin”. This is an easy question to answer. Gremlins are extremely vindictive creatures and if they find out that you’ve had anything to do with the death of one their own, then you are going to be in a world of trouble. You want to avoid any association with a dead gremlin, if at all possible.

3. Gremlins are eventually going to be looking for their dead kin. When this happens, and it will happen, you don’t want to have the dead gremlin in a car truck or any type of vehicle. Not a plane. Not a train. Not a boat. Nothing. Because vehicles are the first place that gremlins are attracted too, so it’s very dumb to hide a dead gremlin in this gremlin hot spot. Think to yourself, where would a gremlin never look and go and hide that dead gremlin there.

2. Gremlins are filthy, dirty creatures. If you have a dead gremlin in your trunk and you are driving the car, then you are definitely in close enough proximity to catch it’s diseases. Note: for health reasons you should avoid contact at all costs but if it is necessary to handle a dead gremlin then please use a face mask and rubber gloves. If you are in direct contact with a dead gremlin, please see your local physician immediately to be tested.

1.And the number one reason not to keep a dead gremlin in the trunk of your car is… someone is always watching. I am talking about our Government. Our Government does not want us know the truth about the gremlin experiment. I have it on good authority that the gremlin epidemic is one that is completely manufactured by the United States Government. Gremlins are secretly being released into the neighborhoods to spread disease (H1N1) and destroy the economy (Toyota). If you’re in possession of a gremlin, alive or dead, you are in grave danger. Hush Hush, you know. You might find yourself as dead as the gremlin you’re trying to hide.

Joyhorror’s Guidelines to an Exclusive Horrornews Interview

It’s almost summer and the influx of interviews are increasing, so I thought this would be good time to review my interview schedule. I have a lot of great interviews currently on my plate and I expect a whole bunch more on the way.

If you think you are a candidate for a Horrornews interview but you’re just not sure, shoot at me with an email and I promise I’ll respond. I always respond. If you are an actor, writer, producer, or director and you have something plug, then wait no more. I’ll be happy as a zombie in brains to talk to you about your project. If you are in the horror industry at any level, drop me a line, because you never know unless you ask. If you are in the ghost hunting or paranormal business, I really want to hear from you, as I’m looking to feature different paranormal organizations on my column, ‘Unexplained Confidential’.

If you are not part of a organization and you are simply a Horrornews fan with a paranormal story, send me your information because I want to talk to you too. We can work interviews two ways, either email format or Alexander Graham Bell’s invention of the telephone. Email format interviews are sometimes better as YOU can take your time and structure your answers until they are perfect.

I usually send 10 questions custom made to your particular project. Now, If you want to answer more than 10 questions. Absolutely! Please let me know and I can bump it up to 15 or 20 questions, the sky’s the limit. Telephone interviews are scheduled. Monday to Friday, I can only do interviews after 6pm EST. Saturday and Sunday are open. Please note, that I can ONLY record incoming calls so if you want to do a telephone interview, you have to call me. The service that I use currently does not allow me to call out and record an interview. It must be incoming phone calls. Telephone interviews are more loose and the free flowing sometimes.

I have a question outline but sometimes depending on where the conversation is going the interview takes on a life of its own. The only downfall with telephone interviews, they will take longer for me to get posted as I have to transcribe the phone conversation into typed words. Email format interviews are posted much quicker. I’m working a plan for the future to join a copy of the recorded interview with the written interview, so fans can decide on whether they want to read the interview or listen to the interview.

There you have it. I hope you creatures all enjoyed my past interviews and I’m sure you are going to be pleased with some of my upcoming interviews. Their coming!

Horrornews Interview Wish List

Do you guys have a wish list of horror celebrities that you would like to see interviewed here on Horrornews.net? I don’t want to hear your voices on this issue, I want to hear your screams! Shout at us on who you want to know about and who you want to hear from. I truly believe that no one is impossible to get! Some just might be a lot harder than others.

I think if there’s a outcry to get a particular horror celeb interviewed, myself and Bonedigger himself will try are damnest to dig up that particular body. If he or she isn’t buried too deep? While I’m here taking suggestions, let me tell of the maniacs that read this, one more thing. Submit your fan questions. If you are going to take the time to email me or comment below with your interview request, you might as well include a question that you would love to ask that person. If it comes to be, I will no doubt use your question and give you complete credit. Fans questions can really be awesome and I’d certainly like to start utilizing that tool on some of my interviews. It’s in your hands now. Your bloody hands!

My personal interview wish list is endless. However, If I would play favorites for a moment and have to single it down to only one interview then I would love to talk with Quentin Tarantino. His direction brings out the ultimate movie fan in me. I think Pulp Fiction changed my life.

He is the story of a movie fan turned director and he’s done it his way from Reservoir Dogs to Inglorious Bastards. The horror genre will never forget him as Richie, the unscrupulous killer, in the movie ‘From Dusk til Dawn’. That movie has one of the best special features ever in a ‘making of’ documentary titled, ‘Full Tilt Boogie’. It’s a must see. If you are a Tarantino fan, there’s a pretty rad website dedicated to his genius, check out www.everythingtarantino.com ! If you think he’s not horror, then just check out all the blood in Kill Bill vol 1 and vol 2. My goodness!

It’s good to have goals in life. I’d love to make it a personal goal to interview Quentin Tarantino for Horrornews.net by the end of the year. It’s a gamble that I’ll even get the interview but I’m willing to go the extra lengths. I’m going to commit to this and set some high stakes for myself.

Deadline for me to get an interview with Quentin Tarantino is Friday, December 31st, 2010, New Years Eve night. If I don’t get an Exclusive Horrornews Interview by the timeframe that I set then at the stroke of midnight, I’m going to take a hatchet as sharp as the Devil himself and lop off one of my fingers.

I live across the street from a hospital so if it’s a clean cut, hopefully it can be reattached. I do own a video camera and I will document this event for Horrornews.net ! I assure you, that this is not a joke and I’ve thought long and hard about committing to this at this level. All I can say is that I will give it my all or I’ll give you my finger. My bloody finger!

It’s the Great Space Coaster! Get on board. Um, sorry the ride is over. I’d don’t usually plug all the media mania but here’s some of my social networking if you so choose to use, www.twitter.com/joyhorror  and http://www.facebook.com/joyhorror  . I belong to some other wacked out crap but I won’t burden you with that right now, just to two popular kids in on block. Eat it with a smile.

Later F’N’ Later,

Chief Horrornews Interviewer
Director of Unexplained Confidential

orignally posted April 2010

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