Film Review: Queen Crab (2015)

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SYNOPSIS:

A giant crab terrorizes a small community.

REVIEW:

There’s really not a whole lot that I can say in regards to the plot of Queen Crab other than it’s a movie about a giant monster crab scuttling around killing people. That’s pretty much the long and short of it. If that sounds interesting to you then you are most likely probably going to check it out due to your curiosity but if it doesn’t sound like your cup of tea you are probably better off watching something else. Is it a horrible film? No, not really as I have seen a lot worse. Is it a good movie? No, not really as I have seen a lot better. I know that sounds mighty vague but let’s be honest, either you are going to want to see a movie about a giant killer crab or you’re not. In terms of movies about giant crabs (insert any number of STD –related jokes here) it really isn’t that bad (though it does pale in comparison to the similarly-themed 1980 drive-in classic Island Claws) but at the same time it’s a movie about giant crabs so I’ll let you draw your own conclusions depending on your individual taste. While it isn’t perfect I guess I would have to say that it is along the same lines of any Asylum produced movies that they show at any given moment (Hel, they are probably showing one right now as you read this) on Syfy that feature giant mutated sharks, snakes, or kangaroos (now that would be awesome) only there isn’t some washed up actor or singer making an appearance in it.

In some ways I genuinely enjoyed Queen Crab. I honestly thought that it was a fun movie thanks mostly in part to the bad acting, goofy premise, and less than impressive special effects. I am familiar with writer/director Brett Piper’s work (he was behind the very underrated “so bad its good” film Drainiac oh, I’m sorry that’s Drainiac! back in 2000 and I think that it is pretty damn awesome) so I went into this film pretty much knowing what to expect as I have seen his other films and I wasn’t disappointed. While the guy may not have a big budget, talented, well-known actors to work with or even a decent premise at times that doesn’t mean that the guy doesn’t make fun movies and that is definitely the case this time around.

No, this movie won’t change your life and won’t go down in history as one of the greatest horror films of all time but if you are expecting such things you may need to reevaluate many aspects of your life. It’s just a corny movie that shouldn’t be taken seriously for the most part and if you go into it with that mindset you are sure to enjoy it to an extent. I think that this is a perfect movie to watch with a group of friends while you all get drunk and just rewind from the stress and horrors of everyday life. It doesn’t make you think and in a lot of ways that’s a good thing and one of the film’s biggest strengths. I mean I enjoy a good, thought-provoking horror film as much as the next guy but there are times when I just want to kick back with a nice brainless little flick too. Queen Crab definitely falls into the latter category for a lot of reasons and I think that was why I didn’t mind it so much and didn’t feel the need to completely blast it like some of the other reviewers that screened it have done.

Even though it is obvious that the people behind it didn’t have any sort of budget whatsoever I didn’t think that the effects were that bad. I like that they used a lot of stop-motion as it looks a lot better than 99.9% of the shitty CGI that a lot of other filmmakers use. I thought that crab monster that appeared in this film looked much more realistic (and just better in general) than that horrible CGI snake in Anaconda and since that was a Hollywood produced film I am sure it had a much bigger budget. I actually miss stop-motion and thought that it was cool that Piper and his crew decided to go this route when it came to creating the effects for Queen Crab. Some people are going to complain that the effects look cheesy and yes, I’ll admit that they do, but at the same time I thought that they rocked and added to my overall enjoyment of the movie. Maybe this will actually start a new trend where filmmakers will go back to using stop-motion as opposed to crappy CGI.

Did I mention that the acting is quite bad in this film? God love them, they tried and I applaud them for it, but I don’t think that there is a single person in this film that could act no matter how much effort they put into it. That’s okay though, as with the effects I think that the bad acting that takes place in the movie is actually one of its more enduring traits. There are times when you see a movie and the bad acting actually makes everything better and that is without a doubt what goes on here. I don’t think that the film has the worst acting I’ve ever seen but it is pretty lousy all around.

The only person that almost comes off as believable is Danielle Donahue (who plays Daisy) but there are even times when her performance is pretty bad. I’m not knocking any of the actors here as it is obvious that they put a lot of hard work and effort into their roles (which is more than can be said for certain actors in other films) but maybe you guys should brush up your skills a little just so you are a little better when you appear in your next movie. With that being said though I really liked the characters that appeared in this movie with Melissa (Michelle Simone Miller) and the Sheriff (Ken Van Sant) probably being my favorites for their own unique reasons.

Queen Crab isn’t as nearly as bad as you might think. As a matter of fact I thought it was better than I ever would have expected it to be before I watched it (I was totally prepared to hate it and was certain that I would write a review afterward that totally slammed it) and I am glad that I got the chance to see it. There is something wonderfully weird and corny about it that makes it work and judging by the end scene I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a sequel somewhere down the road (I wouldn’t mind). Check it out if you have had a horrible day and just need to watch something that will take your mind off of your troubles and make you smile as this movie will definitely do that.