Haunted Honeymoon

Film Review: Beast From Haunted Cave (1959)

SYNOPSIS:
“A group of gold thieves pull off a heist and flee into the snowy wilderness, only to be pursued by a horrible spider-like monster.” (courtesy IMDB)

REVIEW:
I have for your enlightenment a message film from the Corman Brothers, with the grammatically challenging title of Beast From Haunted Cave (1959). Made in 1959, its message is Crime Does Not Pay. Not the most original of messages and one that, in our bizarre through-the-looking-glass world, is not easy to take seriously.

In fictional films, thieves planning robberies usually fail to take something important into account. This time they have neglected to consider the possibility of being hunted down by a large camera-shy monster. How careless of them! Like all vigilantes, Beast’s sense of right and wrong is not as well-developed as it ought to be, and like all vigilantes, causes much collateral damage, as you shall see.

Beast From Haunted Cave was produced by Gene Corman, younger brother of my own good friend Roger. If it’s already seeming familiar to you, that’s because it’s just one more variation on standard film plot number five: Scoundrels-Menace-Isolated-Nice-People. D.W. Griffith made a version entitled The Lonely Villa (1909), and John Huston called it Key Largo (1948) and cast Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall and Edward G. Robinson.

Roger Corman remade it as Naked Paradise (1957), in which thieves use a cruise boat to rob a plantation in Hawaii. In Beast From Haunted Cave, a monster has been added and the exotic location is near Deadwood in the Black Hills of South Dakota. He remade it again as Creature From The Haunted Sea (1961), and I think you’ll agree that in the hands of the Corman Brothers the story is best executed as a comedy. Crime does not pay, but uncredited remakes of other people’s films can bring a tidy profit.

Making his directorial debut is Monte Hellman, one of many talented directors who got their start with the Cormans. He had nothing to do with the writing, as is evidenced by the fact that Beast From Haunted Cave has nothing in common with his later works – other than the low budget, that is. In the mid-sixties Monte Hellman directed two existential westerns, Ride In The Whirlwind (1965) and The Shooting (1967), both with aspiring actor Jack Nicholson. These films were well-received at festivals like Cannes, but baffled contemporary reviewers and perished at the box office. They did acquire a cult following, as did his next, best known film Two Lane Blacktop (1971), an existential road movie with James Taylor, Dennis Wilson and Warren Oates in the lead.

Subsequently he directed just three more films, many other projects were started then abandoned, and then he co-produced Reservoir Dogs (1991). When he first read the script, he wanted to direct it himself, but Quentin Tarantino was determined to direct his own screenplay and was not to be dissuaded. It is interesting to contemplate what Reservoir Dogs may have looked like if it had been directed by Monte Hellman.

Unlike some other Corman films of the era, there are no past or future stars amongst the cast. Take for instance Frank Wolff, the villain in this piece. In the early sixties he was in a number of Italian films and is best remembered for an important scene early in Sergio Leone’s masterpiece Once Upon A Time In The West (1968), in which he plays the ill-fated Brett McBain, whose purchase of a certain piece of land initiates much of the action in that film. Many thespians finish their careers without having appeared in one good film, let alone a masterpiece.

Michael Forest as Gil Jackson, and Sheila Carol as Gypsy, give indications they might have been able to handle better material if they were given it. They weren’t. Richard Sinatra was Frank Sinatra’s nephew. This was no help in building a lasting career and like his co-stars, he disappeared without having done any truly memorable films. He wasn’t terribly close to the family, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Once Beast had overcome its shyness and stood centre-frame, we can honestly say there have been sillier monsters in films bearing the name of Corman. When first glimpsed, on the edges of the frame, it seemed almost ethereal, as if made of cobwebs. When we finally get a proper look at it, it’s like a combination of Giant Spider and Abominable Snowman. Come to think of it, there was a British horror film entitled The Abominable Snowman (1957) made in 1957, and it was released in the USA, too. Could that film be totally unknown to the Cormans? I doubt it.

The blood-sucking Beast is finally terminated by a flare gun. I’ve also seen a flare gun used as an effective weapon in Dead Calm (1989), but I never carry one myself. I don’t see the need. Many is the time I’ve frightened monsters away simply by wearing flared trousers. Flares provide certain protection against monsters, with just the one unfortunate side-effect of being placed on the worst-dressed lists by fashion critics who would not believe my sincere explanation. Please join me next week when I will strive to frighten you with another journey to the dark depths of Hollywood for…Horror News! Toodles!

Beast From Haunted Cave (1959)

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About Nigel Honeybone

Wee Willie"Nigel Honeybone's debut was as Hamlet's dead father, portraying him as a tall posh skeleton. This triumph was followed in Richard III, as the remains of a young prince which he interpreted as a tall posh skeleton. He began attracting starring roles. Henry VIII was scaled down to suit Honeybone's very personalised view of this famous king. Honeybone suggested that perhaps he really was quite skeletal, quite tall, and quite posh. MacBeth, Shylock and Othello followed, all played as tall, skeletal and posh, respectively. Considering his reputation for playing tall English skeletons, many believed that the real Honeybone inside to be something very different, like a squat hunchback perhaps. Interestingly enough, Honeybone did once play a squat hunchback, but it was as a tall posh skeleton. But he was propelled into the film world when, in Psycho (1960), he wore women's clothing for the very first time. The seed of an idea was planted and, after working with director Ed Wood for five years, he realised the unlimited possibilities of tall posh skeletons who dressed in women's clothing. He went on to wear women's clothing in thirteen major motion pictures, including the Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) and Star Wars (1977), heartbreaking as the remains of Aunt Beru. With the onslaught of special effects came the demise of real actors in these sorts of roles. After modeling for CGI skeletons in Total Recall (1990) and Toys (1992), the only possible step forward for a tall posh skeleton was television, imparting his knowledge and expertise of the arts. As well as writing for the world's best genre news website HORROR NEWS, Nigel Honeybone is currently signed to star in a new series for television presenting the finest examples of B-grade horror. THE SCHLOCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW is seen on Friday nights at 10.30pm on TVS Television Sydney, and where ever good Youtube downloads are available." (Fantales candy wrapper circa 2007)

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