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Home | Columns | Horror Gossip | Horror Gossip: 04.13.2009

Horror Gossip: 04.13.2009

Before I get started I wanted to let you know that I will be going to Texas Frightmare Weekend and I hope to see you all there in Dallas, May 1st. There’s so much to cover. There are plenty of films coming out in 3D and Zombie movies are just coming from all over. I thought by this time the whole zombie thing be be so over but I guess I was wrong. I can honestly say there’s one I really want to see and that’s Bong of the Living Dead. Sounds corny and ridiculous right? I don‘t care.

I‘ve read that it‘s hysterical. Sounds good. The film is about a couple of potheads who happen to survive a mass zombie outbreak. Since they are alone in the world they spend most of their time partying and smoking weed. One day they discover that by using zombie brains as fertilizer, they are able to grow some super potent pot! Problem is since the government has cleared out all the zombies in their city they have to go on a road trip in order to find more zombies. It is an action adventure road trip movie from hell with plenty of pot smoking and many laughs! There will be bud!” Tell me you don’t want to see that.

On the lamer side you have a Zombie Documentary film called Lost Zombie I think? It’s a social network whose goal is to document the zombie apocalypse and create the world’s first community generated zombie documentary. Meh.

Some interesting concepts have been thrown out there for 3D Horror Films. Some are..not..so…interesting. Final Destination 3D, More premonitions. More creative kills. This time some dude predicts he’ll die with his pals during a disaster at a car race. It actually happens and they avoid a gruesome departure, but history in the Final Destination world tells us death isn’t done with these survivors just yet. Saw 3D. When you run out of ideas you used to go into space with your characters.

Twisted Pictures is considering doing SAW VI in 3-D instead. I am a big fan of the first three. After that consider me done…until I found out Shawnee Smith is involved. I just love her so I will be watching anything she takes part in. Re-Animator 3-D: Unlike a SAW movie in 3-D Re-Animator might actually work because of the nature of the movie. Puppet Master 3-D: Charles Band is working on bringing Puppet Master into 3-D, big surprise.

Charles Band is well known for following trends and capitalizing them and his films definitely would be campy and fun in 3-D. I happen to be a huge Puppet Master fan. I have a collectible of Leech Girl lying around somewhere. The Eye 3D.

The Pang Brothers are going to be directing a new film titled The Childs Eye in 3D which is basically The Eye 3. Who cares? The only other information we have on the project is that it will star Elanne Kwong and Rainie Young.

Piranha 3-D: Piranha is a classic movie about little killer fish that make lunch of people. This may work since the idea of small fish swarming off the screen snapping at my face. I have always had a big problem with sh*t in 3D. I was terrified at Disney World when I was on the Honey I Shrunk the Kid 3-D ride. A BIG SNAKE WAS IN MY FACE! And don’t even get me started on the Muppets. Miss Piggy is terrifying! Dawn of the Dead 3-D: Not Zach Snyders remake. The Romero classic. Well that’s cool. The Gate 3-D: Alright. I haven’t seen The Gate in forever but I remember it being pretty intense. I think it would be worthwhile.

The new 8 Films to Die for Came out. I’m trying to cover all of the films for each year. So far I have reviewed The Hamilton’s, The Broken, Autopsy, and I think that’s it so far but I plan on covering all of the films. The Hamilton’s has to be my favorite so far. This years bunch from the After Dark Horror Fest includes; The Broken (which I enjoyed and reviewed on here.) I highly recommend it even though it gets mixed reviews and some people are to retarded to understand it, it’s a clever little film that had me a little weirded out. Autopsy was another that came out this year that I reviewed. I was a little tired of the clichés. But the gore scenes were wicked awesome. Slaughter looks like it would be good. Maybe I’ll work on that piece next. It’s about A woman fleeing from an abusive relationship ends up staying at a friend’s house, only to realize that her friend’s family dabbles in serial killing.

Then there’s Perkins 14. A paranoid man kidnaps 14 people and brainwashes them into becoming his personal bodyguards. When he’s arrested, though, the police inadvertently unleash the army of psychos on the town. Sounds a little ‘meh’ but I will check it out.

Can someone tell me how Butterfly Effect Revelation came onto this list? WTF? I haven’t even seen the second installment. To be honest I did enjoy the original with Ashton Kucher. It was a neat little film and at least something different. BUT This installment to the Butterfly Effect franchise is said to be pretty gory. It’s about A small town is shaken by a series of apparent suicides that turn out to be the result of a parasitic element that moves from person to person. Adam Goldberg is in it. Why does he insist on being featured in another crappy horror movie? I loved him as the Jew Hammer. Every year there’s a Miss Horrorfest. I use to want that title but I also prefer people to say, “Hey I like your writing.” Instead of telling me I have a nice ass. And alas I haven’t been made Queen of the Universe and that will never happen.

Some of the most excited news I’ve heard would be about Ghostbusters III. I love the Ghostbusters. All of the original Ghostbusters are said to return but as the mentors of the new Ghostbusters. There are rumors floating around that Seth Rogan, Paul Rudd, and the rest of the Judd Apatow gang will be the new Ghostbusters. I say don’t tease me because that idea sounds pretty awesome to my ears. MTV was able to get Harold Ramis to talk about the next Ghostbusters movie, which is currently in the development/scripting stage with The Office/Year One scribes Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky working on the script. Ramis has yet to receive a first draft in hand but claims that he has been consulting with the screenwriting duo, along with Dan Aykroyd, Ivan Reitman (who helmed the original film).

“We’re all going to be in it in different kinds of roles,” Ramis said. “We’re going to be the sage mentors. There are going to be young Ghostbusters.” This confirms previous reports that the original Ghostbusting team would be passing the torch to a new group of scientists turned supernatural exterminators. It will be interesting to see how this develops, and to see if Murray, who Ramis calls “the thorniest of the group”, actually signs on to participate in the new film.

In other news, some of us are trying to put a stop to the Rocky Horror Picture Show remake. It’s just BLASHPHEMY! To take part in this go to www.stoptheremake.com MTV (which hasn’t been relevant in years and has given us such cultural milestones as The Hill’s) has announced it will be remaking The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The original is no cinematic masterpiece but it has retained a sort of dirty do-it-yourself charm. There are no great special effects, there are cheesy sets and a cheesier script. But that’s its charm. MTV has always been about exploiting the youth market. And worse yet.

They say in this new imagining there will be new songs. Jesus Fucking Christ!!! This abortion will be worse than the usual sh*t they pour down on our throats. Prepare for the ‘Highschool Musical’ version of Rocky … or worse yet, the ‘Hairsparay The Musical’ version of Rocky. Now I’m depressed.

In the world of television shows we have new pictures from True Blood. I am super excited for the season 2 premier. More excited than when Buffy Season 3 came out. Stop making fun of me and enjoy these True Blood photos thanks to True Blood Net.

True Blood season 2 will premiere on June 14. Has anyone been keeping up with the Chiller Channel? I’m not impressed. For years I waiting for a horror channel. I was so excited to finally have a channel dedicated to horror movies…..horror M-O-V-I-E-S. I never see any films on there except for a day dedicated to Stephen King every now and then. It’s always horror television shows like Friday the 13th Series, Ripley’s Believe It or Not, Tales From the Darkside, and Millennium.

I’m all for horror television series. I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer, True Blood, and Angel. But these shows and nothing but these…….I just don’t watch it. Tales From the Darkside is cool but seriously, where are the movies?

And I have fearnet on demand where they use to have a decent pile of films to choose from but now have none. I heard that it’s dropping from cable anyway. All I’m saying is, I wish it would be more dedicated to the films rather than the shows. Although it was nice to catch up with Twin Peaks again. I wrote about the Sci Fi channel going ‘Sly Fi’ or some sh*t like that.

I think that’s good that they’re trying to change things. I would like to see more horror than science fiction for a change. They actually had a decent line up though. They showed a fair share of B flicks, Older Films, Newer Films, their television series, and older shows like Twilight Zone. A little more Tales From the Crypt would be nice. There’s said to be a B-Movie channel now. Oh that sounds exciting.

The BMC website greeting goes a little something like this: “Bikinis! Monsters! Motorcycles! Welcome to BMC, your new go-to site for B-movies by the likes of John Carpenter (Dark Star) and Roger Corman (Saga of the Viking Women). Now online and in full screen, watch unsung classics like Asylum by Psycho screenwriter Robert Bloch or Corridors of Blood with the inimitable Christopher Lee. Want to see international icons before they made it big?

Check out Raquel Welch in A Swingin’ Summer or kung fu king Sonny Chiba in Terror Beneath the Sea. Looking for the unexpected? How about The Ruthless Four, a spaghetti Western starring Klaus Kinski.

Since I am writing about horror television at the moment I might as well let you know about all the things in the Buffy Universe. You can say what you like and make fun of me for liking the show but the truth is, there are many many fans out there. The Buffy franchise is still making so much money on the new comic books, all the amazing action figures, a successful spin off (Angel), and apparently there is going to be a movie. Yes I know there is already a movie. In the early nineties we saw an amazing Kristy Swanson Buffy the Vampire Slayer with Pee Wee Herman and Donald Sutherland. It’s a classic. F**k you. Then the late nineties brought us what I tried so hard not to watch.

I was so upset about the series as a kid but the show grew on me and I like it. Well any way now there’s going to be a film with Sarah Michelle Gellar. They have ideas like she is a mom and still fighting the good fight. Doesn’t sound too tempting but I will watch it regardless. I will try to update further news as soon as I hear about it. Oh and be sure to check out the comics. There is one pretty gay issue with killer kitties but the rest are pretty good.

Now we are on comic books. I think it’s safe to say I read a lot of horror comics and I’m a huge fan. You see me writing about it all the time. I love horror comic books. I use to work in a comic book store. I bet you think I’m a dude right?

The past week I have updated previews on; Stephen King’s The Stand comic book. Art by Mike Perkins. Cover Price: $3.99 The dead are still dead and the living are still finding their way through this horribly altered landscape of America. Thus, it’s a perfect time to—bring on the bad guys! Randall Flagg performs his first act of magic and begins his cross country journey in a souped-up Buick. And then, there’s the strangest addition to the cast yet…Donald Merwin Elbert, the Trashcan Man, a pyromaniac who suddenly has no one to curb his unhealthy obsession with blowing things up. All this plus Rita suggests to Larry Underwood that they should start making their way out of New York, perhaps via…the Lincoln Tunnel! And you know what that means. Released on April 15th.

Angel: Smile Time #3 will arrive in stores on April 15 from IDW Publishing. The issue is written by Ben Edlund and Scott Tipton, with art by David Messina. Uhm, Smile Time was one of my favorite Angel episodes. It’s pretty funny and entertaining. Seriously. If you’re going to stop being a douche and decide to give Angel a chance then just check out season 5. It’s so funny. Amy Acker is so hot. I would do unspeakable things to her. Here’s how IDW describes the issue: “The three-part adaptation of the beloved ‘Angel puppet’ episode concludes as Angel takes the fight against Smile Time directly into his four-fingered, felt-covered hands.” Angel: Smile Time #3 will be 32 pages and will cost $3.99.

Then there’s Army of Darkness. Okay, Army of Darkness is one of the best horror comics out there. Story by Mike Raicht. Art by Pablo Marcos. Cover price: $3.50 A special “done-in-one” issue from writer Mike Raicht, about Ash’s life and prepare him for his next exciting journey! Released on April 8th. Last but not least….. Anita Blake: The Laughing Corpse — Necromancer #1 will arrive in stores on April 8 from Marvel Comics. The issue is written by Laurell K. Hamilton and Jessica Ruffner, with art nad cover by Ron Lim.

Here’s how Marvel describes the issue: “The second chapter of begins here! Vampire hunter Anita Blake has crossed the paths of the worst St. Louis has to offer–and now they want her out of the picture for good. Anita Blake: The Laughing Corpse — Necromancer #1 will be 32 pages and will cost $3.99. The Vampire Hunter series with Anita Blake are becoming my new favorites even over Army of Darkness. It’s like an R-Rated Buffy…some people say. I’ve been reading the books for a few years now and bought the graphic novel. Now I am into the comics. Read it. It’s pretty brutal and not that ‘chick’
stuff. Action packed and the art work is amazing.

That pretty much covers everything I care to talk about. I’ve already rambled on a lot this week. I sent in more reviews you can find in the reviews section. The Hamilton’s, Cold Prey 2, and others. Tomorrow (4-12-09) I will have The Sauna, Vampire in Vegas, and The Tribe reviews written, so look forward to that. I also hope to get more of the 8 Films to Die For finished as well.

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