Howdy. I think everyone can agree that violence is awesome. It is something we are taught to appreciate since day one. There is nothing more culturally sophisticated than a nice, well done vision of sadistic, relentless, bloody violence. I’ve noticed that in all walks of life horrific bloodbaths have entertained, inspired, consoled and comforted so many people. There really is no substitute for finding that special someone, curling up on the couch and watching gruesome scenes of unholy carnage unfold in pulpy shades of crimson for an hour and a half.
Here I have compiled a list of what I think to be the best depictions of good old fashioned, wholesome gore. I need to make it perfectly clear that I am only dealing with horror movie violence, not thrillers or suspense movies …and no, not even the crappy PG-13 teen garbage you secretly download and cherish. If it isn’t 100% HORROR, it wont be here. So I don’t want to hear you bitching in the comments about how I forgot Hostel or Saw.
There are so many great death scenes in so many great movies, this list could go on forever. These are just some of my personal favorites so you are just going to have to deal with that the same way I deal with everything; with whatever the closest bottle of booze is and a hammer. So, without further a due, I give you the most amazing list your heart will ever embrace. Also, I need to warn you that there are more things spoiled here than in Ed Gein’s refrigerator. Enjoy. Presenting the Top 10 Goriest Horror Movie Death Scenes!
01- Dead Alive/Brain Dead: the Lawnmower Scene.
Before playing with his hobbits and bringing Christopher Lee back into the center stage, Peter Jackson was responsible for some of the most violent, intestine covered splatter-fests ever witnessed. This scene not only wins the award for the most fake blood I have ever seen (aside from that time I pretended to be the evil Kool-Aid man) but it is also completely comical. Nothing can ever top our hero slipping around on the entrails once the lawnmower stops. This, in my brilliant opinion, is the epitome of awesomeness. Lionel’s maniacal face the whole time is just the icing on the severed zombie head. Definitely one to watch with the little ones.
02- Day Of The Dead: The Disemboweling/”Choke On Them!”
George Romero is a god among insect, not doubt about it. He breathed life into the walking dead and he showered us with blood and guts along the way. True, there have been many good zombie related gut rippings since Day (see Shaun Of The Dead) and there have been many a violent zombie decapitations (see that dream I had that rocked) but nothing can really compare to Captain Rhodes’ shredded torso screaming “Choke on them!” with his last breath as Bub watched over the ravenous hordes of flesh eaters as they clawed and gnashed in delight.
03- A Nightmare On Elm Street: Johnny Depp’s Blood Blasting Death
Johnny Depp apparently has found a way to combine attractiveness and death to get the same results you would get if you combined Mentos with diet Pepsi. If the entrail eruption is indeed based on physical attractiveness I would take it to mean that me vomiting Jack Daniel’s continuously last night would not be the reason for my newly acquired nickname; “Gut Volcano”. I must also mention the Pit Of Death scene in Army Of Darkness here. Pretty much the same thing except with 100% more Bruce Campbell which never hurts.
04- Hellraiser: Frank Getting Hooked
Frank is a scary dude. He is even scarier with hooks ripping him to pieces. Sure, I have thought about the most painful ways to die (I’ve seen The Notebook) but this has to be the worst. Especially with Pinhead being the last thing you see. I have an uncompromising fear of Rubik’s Cubes just in case one is a disguised puzzle box from hell. Sure, people call me crazy for freaking out about the primary colored block of blocks, but what happens if I’m right? Huh? that’s right, hook city, baby.
05- Ghost Ship -Cable Snapping
Boats are nice. Dancing on boats in the moonlight is romantic. Being sliced in half instantly along with everyone on the deck is pretty awesome. I was not expecting to see what I saw. The moment that everyone stopped dancing was pretty damn intense. I loved the look on the guys face who you think might have ducked low enough until you realize that his face is falling off.
06- City Of The Living Dead (Gates of Hell): Gut Puking
I don’t know how much I liked the movie. I don’t know if I even understood it all the way through. I do know, however, that a girl slowly vomiting her guts out until she is dead is right up there with kittens playing with string as far as things to think about when you want that warm, fuzzy feeling.
07- Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2: Skinless L.G.
I don’t care what you say, the second one is better than the first, hands down. I love the first and it will always have a special place slicing away at the sub c**kles of my heart, but the second one was just so much more fun (Choptop is pretty much the greatest character ever). I especially liked the creepy-ass carnival dungeon of hell and the skinless man therein. When Stretch feels like she has lost all hope, her friend and coworker, L.G., shows up to save her. Too bad he had been beaten and skinned before he woke up to use his last ounce of strength to clumsily help her out a little.
08- The Thing (1982): Resuscitation Amputation
Remember that scene where they try to use the defibrillator pads on the guy but instead of slamming them to his chest his chest opens up like Mick Jagger’s mouth if it were made of crazy and bites some arms off? Pure genius.
09- House Of 1,000 Corpses: Brain Surgery
I loved this movie and you should too, dammit. The chaotic, psychedelic visuals were stunning and the violence was brilliant and excessive, what more can you ask for? I particularly enjoyed seeing Jerry tied to a chair with a demon brain surgeon slicing his gray matter while he shakes consciously and spits up blood.
10- Zombie (1979) – Eye Vs Wooden Steak
There is something stomach cringing about eye related violence, …stomach cringing and great. I think the best part of this scene is the pace of it; it is slow, agonizing and it didn’t cut out the good stuff.
Got a gorey scene or 2 to add to the list, comment below!