Two stoners decide that they want to break into the movie business. They end up cutting the arm off of a real corpse to use in a horror film because the director wants the prop to look realistic and refuses to use a fake one. Unfortunately the reanimated cadaver eventually comes looking for its missing limb and â€śwackinessâ€ť ensues
I knew within about five minutes of watching â€śGravestonedâ€ť that I was going to be in for 92 very long and painful moments and I was correct. Have you ever known anyone who just tried way too hard to be funny and as a result they failed miserably? You have? Well thatâ€™s good, because that pretty much sums up this movie. It isnâ€™t funny in the very least, it provides no scares, and it really has no entertainment value at all. Believe me when I say that the makers of â€śGravestonedâ€ť now owe me the 92 minutes of my life back that I wasted watching this horrible mess of a film.
At first glance I thought that it was going to be a fun ride and I was actually looking forward to watching it. I thought the zany plot sounded like something only the guys at Troma could dream up and popped it in my DVD player with pretty high hopes that I was in for a wacky good time. I now feel that I owe the guys at Troma an apology for even thinking that â€śGravestonedâ€ť was comparable to any of their films. Most Troma movies are enjoyable while this film was just plain horrible. Seriously folks, it is painfully bad and I would even place it in the same group as â€śThe Pelican Brief,â€ť â€śArmageddon,â€ť and â€śCon Airâ€ť as one of the worst movies I have ever seen.
Why did I think it was so bad, you may ask? Well to be honest with you there was so much wrong with it Iâ€™m not even sure where to begin. For starters, there is not one funny moment to be found anywhere. It is supposed to be a comedy (I think) but there wasnâ€™t even an instance where I chuckled, much less roll on the floor laughing so hard I nearly pissed myself. The humor is more like a Will Ferrell or Jim Carrey movie as it isnâ€™t remotely funny and is more silly and obnoxious than anything. I think that there must have been a lot of in jokes that were only funny to the cast and crew, but for me I thought that it was as about as funny as an episode of â€śMurder, She Wrote.â€ť I even watched it with a group of friends and we spent most of the time groaning at the â€śfunnyâ€ť scenes as opposed to laughing at them. I guess the bottom line here is that this movie is as funny as Nicolas Cage is talented (and for those of you keeping score at home, on a scale of one to ten that is somewhere in the neighborhood of around negative thirty).
The characters are annoying and I had trouble liking any of them. None of them could really act at all and I think that I have seen better performances at a couple of middle school plays that Iâ€™ve attended. As Iâ€™ve said time and time again bad acting doesnâ€™t necessarily ruin a movie for me, but when it comes to â€śGravestonedâ€ť Iâ€™m willing to make an exception (not that the horrible acting was the only reason I didnâ€™t like it). I actually felt bad for Lar Park Lincoln. She goes from a â€śFriday the 13thâ€ť movie to this? What in Godâ€™s name did she do that was so horrible that she had to be punished by being in this movie?
The film had a very amateurish feel to it and looked like it was made by a couple of high school kids. The writing is bad, the camera work is shoddy, and most of the scenes go on for way too long (to the point that I almost fast forwarded to the next scene countless times). The special effects are cheap-looking and poorly done, and the zombie looked like a bad Halloween costume someone bought at the Dollar Store. I realize that this is a low budget film made by a group of mostly non-professional filmmakers, but even taking that into consideration I still thought that it was just terrible.
I always try to find something positive to say about a movie no matter how bad it was, and that proved to be a challenge for me in this instance. I wracked my brain trying to think of something I enjoyed about it and all I could come up with was that I liked the dog (who was probably the best actor in the entire film) and most of the women were nice to look at (I donâ€™t know for sure but Iâ€™m going to go out on a limb and say that some of them were local strippers recruited by the filmmakers).
I wanted to like â€śGravestoned,â€ť and for the first couple of minutes or so I tried my best to overlook how bad it was but I just couldnâ€™t do it. There may be a few people out there who enjoy it, but I think that the majority of viewers will dislike it as much as I did. The fact that I was able to finish it is nothing short of miraculous and if I was given the choice of watching it again or getting a root canal I would gladly undergo the dental work (as I am sure it would be less painful). I wouldnâ€™t recommend it to anyone unless you want to see it just so you can see how terrible it is for yourself.