Haunted Honeymoon

Film Review: Germ Z (2013)

SYNOPSIS:

The military’s attempt to shoot down an orbiting satellite unleashes a space-borne epidemic on a remote, small town.

REVIEW:

The deputy sheriff of the sleepy town known as Preacher’s Mill meets in the woods for a early morning tryst with a ginger haired jogging lady. At the same two become one in the biblical sense, a meteor of unknown origin slams to Earth, knocking out a satellite (that the military is trying to shoot down anyways) along the way (and I thought “I felt the Earth move” sentiments were so passe).

Like an aggressive sperm burrowing into a willing egg, the meteor makes its home in the side of a hill in the little town, causing a big, fuel-y fire that wipes out communication and power for Preacher’s Mill. All is inconvenient, but fine as the citizens use the local fire department to subdue the flames and wait for the feds to show up. Evening brings with it darkness not just of the night sky variety, when a man, or, what is left of him, is discovered torn apart and largely eaten. Forensics determines that it was a human, or rather, humans, not a grizzly bear that gnawed the poor gent to death.

Barring a sudden interest in bath salts being the cause, the local medical examiner discovers a non human lifeform, an “alien germ”, as it were, left inside the corpse, possibly brought to Earth by the crashed satellite. Soon, the local firemen start acting really funny and unprofessional like, as in they chase people through the woods biting them, and other such behaviours unbecoming gentlemen of their stature.

In no time at all, everyone and their neighbour either becomes a snarling, fast moving, flesh hungry beast of their former selves, or is in danger of becoming one, since being bitten transfers infection of the mysterious germ from space.

So…if this movie has a setup that has elements suggesting science fiction, such as the involvement of satellites and meteors, and the possibility of extraterrestrial life infecting humans, why does it turn into a really obvious, run of the mill, typical zombie flick in no time at all? Because this movie is a really obvious, run of the mill, typical zombie flick, and don’t let it try to tell you otherwise. That’s right- germ “Z” is for zombie.

A group of local likables, including our lusty, trusty deputy sheriff and some of the surviving military ban together with shotguns and ingenuity to try to fight off the hordes of hungry human skin lovers….lots of fake blood and screaming and ripping apart of limbs ensues, with a little vomiting for good measure. The little town is thrown into blood streaked chaos, with communications out and everyone in danger…even the characters you’re rooting for the hardest. The humanity of it all.

Zombie bitch, please. You must have a mental disease if you think you can pass off that premise as anything but old and tired. Okay, so the plot is as fresh as a rotting leg discarded three weeks ago by a member of the undead. That’s annoying, of course, since I think we’re all a bit tired of the played outness of the zombie genre.

However, despite its staggering unoriginality, “Germ Z”, ain’t all bad. Production values are good, even if it’s clear the budget is a bit too slim to pull off reasonable looking military headquarters at the beginning, and the meteor crash leaves a bit to be desired. There are a few definite weak spots in the cast , but the acting is surprisingly good. The deputy especially is played by a compelling actor who raises the films credibility level.

While it kinda pissed me off, it also managed to hold my interest, with the action sequences providing good, solid entertainment.However, “Germ Z” is predictable, and not memorable. I highly doubt anyone would opt for a second viewing. You could do worse if you’re bored or in the mood for a no brainer kill fest, but, like most germs, I suggest you avoid this one if you can.

Germ Z (2013)

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One Response to Film Review: Germ Z (2013)

  1. Chris says:

    This movie sucks

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