Film Review: Seven Below (2012)

SYNOPSIS:

The story centers on a group of strangers trapped in a time warp house where a terrible event transpired exactly 100 years prior.

REVIEW:

I truly believe that Luke Goss cannot be scathed. I still have trouble with the fact that this guy isn’t a super star yet. He has a unique likable charisma that screams badass when he graces the screen. Even if the walls on a horrible film are crumbling around him, he will emerge from the debris without a scratch on him. That is the case with his most recent release “7 Below”. The film is a complete mess from beginning to end but Goss puts his all into the role and once again emerges unscathed. It’s a shame that I can’t say that for some of the other cast, but it’s true. Well, not entirely true. Along with Goss, Matt Barr and Bonnie Somerville, they give us the best they can with the material they are given. We are also treated to the acting styles of Ving Rhames and Val Kilmer. I hate to say it but both are working on career lows with this one. Not that I was ever a Kilmer fan, though I do love Rhames. I just felt that this role was far below his potential. I think that actually goes for the rest of the cast as well, except Kilmer.

The story centers on a group of strangers on their way to some sort of weekend getaway. We have brothers Isaac (Luke Goss) and Adam (Matt Barr) who are trying to reconnect after the death of their mother, Dr. Lipski (Christian Baha) who is a recovering addict, and married couple Bill (Val Kilmer) and Brooklyn (Bonnie Somerville) who are trying to stabilize their marriage. After a stop at a gas station where the guys go gaga over the clerk Courtney (Rebecca De Costa) they end up in an accident and stranded. Then from out of nowhere comes good Samaritan Jack, though a tad creepy, offers up his home to get them out of the HORRIBLE storm that is about to wreak havoc on the town. As soon as they enter the home, strange things begin to occur and one by one they end up dead. With the storm raging outside there is nowhere they can hide. The only question that remains is who will survive the night?

Aside from crummy acting and ludicrous story, “7 Below” had one other MAJOR problem that drove me nuts. The sound mix was just garbage. Through the thunder, rain, and lightning cracks, much of the dialogue cannot be heard. At first I thought the characters were intentionally whispering, but I was just wrong. The sound effects are just so loud that you can’t hear what is being said (not that it was really important anyway). The story itself is not only a mess, it’s predictable. Rhames does his best to be the creepy odd character with all the answers but the dialogue he speaks is just silly. Every sentence should have just started with “On a dark stormy night just like this…” since that was basically what he kept saying or something similar to it. Kilmer was obviously just there for a quick payday since he is only in the film for a few moments and made me laugh out loud with some of his talent (?).

“7 Below” isn’t worth watching for any amount of money. The film is never scary, always predictable, and just not fun. If it weren’t for Goss, Barr, and Somerville, I would say never waste your time on it. Goss is on the verge of exploding. Once he lands that right role, he will shoot to the top and I will say “I told you so”. If you don’t believe me, watch the sequel to Paul Anderson’s “Death Race”. That film trumps the original in every aspect and Goss owns the screen. “7 Below” is a time waster. If you have time to waste, then by all means give it a go. You’re better off to avoid it. *1/2 (out of 5)