A group of young martial artists infiltrate an underground pit fighting ring where the loser is chopped up and served in a Chinese restaurant.
We have gore, blood, good jams, and boobs in the first two minutes of this f*cker. Do I really need to say any more?
oh, I do…ok, then…
You’ve heard all the stories about chinese restaurants, right? No stray animals around them at all…you know where I’m going with this, yea? Well, this is a little different…
See, there’s a restaurant called The Long Pig (stay with me, people) and it’s very exclusive. Their menu is very…specialized. it’s a multi-platform entertainment venue – MMA fighting, gambling, and some “personal” service, if you know what I mean.
Am I being too vague here? DIM SUM IS MADE FROM PEOPLE!!! ok? Everyone on board now? They host fights, and the loser is the dish of the day. The winning bidder gets the body part of their choice. And there’s hookers. And strippers wearing pig faces…ACTUAL pig faces.
The owner of the facility is murdered by his son, who then takes over the place and along with his “companion”, they raise customer service to a whole new level.
However, there is another company in this service industry that offers a similiar menu and there is some competition for clientele. Therein lies the conflict.
It’s almost impossible to sum up this film without giving away the good stuff. The cast are made up of stunt performers, and it plays kind of like a demo reel. Lots of action and fight sequences.
This really does feel like an audition tape in a way, with so much stuff packed into a short time span. Sadly, the story is a bit thin. Also, the lighting. All these great fight scenes and effects, yet everything is so poorly lit that a lot is lost, sometimes not even visible.
The special effects team make me particularly happy. it’s two women, with almost no credits to their name at all. Deidre Leclair and Skye Markham have created some brilliant, nasty, disgusting effects for our viewing pleasure. Danny Newton, the effects coordinator, has a few notable credits – Smallville, Continuum – but on the whole also not much of a history. The gore in this film is really good. Inventive, colorful effects that really stand out.
We have decapitations…and dismemberment….and unnecessary surgery….and of course, the kitchen, which in this film provides the best special effects opportunity EVER.
The score is amazing. Great action music used to highlight all the great fights you can’t see in the dark. Incidental score is composed by Alain Mayrand, notably from Jackie Chan’s The Legend of Silk Boy and Elysium.
There is so much that is right about this production, and yet so much that is wrong. As I said, the story is really thin. And the lack of lighting for these amazing fight scenes is very disappointing. Why, with a cast and crew this talented, would you show all their work in the dark? That is probably my biggest complaint. I understand “mood lighting” and “theatrical lighting” but if you can’t make out what’s going on, then what’s the point?
Anyway, let’s talk cast. As I mentioned, most of the cast are stunt performers. People you have seen in other productions, such as Rise of the Planet of The Apes, X-Men 2, Godzilla (2014), Batlestar Galactica, Romeo Must Die…the list of credits for this stunt team is endless. However, a few of them have taken their turn in front of the camera as characters.
Terry Chen has appeared in Continuum, House of Cards, Sanctuary, and Snakes on a Plane.
Laci J. Mailey has been seen in Falling Skies.
Alain Chanoine has been in Being Human and Stan Helsing.
Alyson Bath has been in Arrow.
Derek Gilroy has been seen in Elysium and Supernatural.
And of course, recording artist Bishop Brigante, who has appeared in the tv series Platinum.
There is a lot more, but it would just take way too long to tell you every single production every single actor on this film has been involved with.
There’s a lot to like about this film, but there’s also a lot that feels amateurish and annoying. On the whole, I don’t think it’s a terrible film. It just feels like an audition tape that made its way to public release.
So on a scale of one to ten, ten being awesome, I give this film 6 dickie rolls.