Film Review: Kill Katie Malone (2010)

SYNOPSIS:

College students and best friends Ginger Matheson, Jim Duncan, and Kyle “Dixie” Canning, pool their cash to buy a “ghost” in an online auction. The three think it’s all a goof, but once they open up the antique box to examine their “treasure,” they unleash the vengeful spirit of an Irish servant girl who has been wreaking havoc on her owners throughout the generations

REVIEW:

I am the most indulgent non-believer you’re ever going to meet, I love ghost stories, I love so called “real” ghost stories, reports of demons, show me your psychic powers, I’m all ears. Tell me about the ghost that used to come into your room late at night in your sorority house and touch you dirty, I want to know about it! I will listen to your ghost story with the utmost attention and interest and at the end of the day I won’t believe a single of it. But for me it’s not about believing, it’s not about if you can convince me it’s real, I want to hear the story, I like the ride and I love hearing a good yarn. And I’ll even placate you if you tell me a GOOD enough ghost story but it can’t be lame nothing about people with hook hands, it’s over done or floating disembodies heads or pirates. That being said there are even a few ghost films that still give me a good scare… “Kill Katie Malone” is not one of them…

“Kill Katie Malone” has 2 really strong things going for it in the beginning, it has an original idea: Buy a ghost on an “e-bay” like web site; compounded with one of the main characters believing in ghost -great one less person in the story line that needs to be convinced. Working against the film is everything else in the movie. I accept that a large bulk of horror is clichéd, if you love horror from the depths of your heart you have to accept this fact. Mind you I say “accept” I didn’t say “like.” You also have to accept that movies get made for the Sci Fi (sorry Syfy) Channel.

I think I’m amongst the general consensus in stating that Syfy original pictures are some of the worst pieces of ass product ever made. That being said, I don’t know what the distribution “Kill Katie Malone” has found yet, but the Syfy channel will be knocking down their door as soon as they have gotten a screener.

The story starts out original…ish but the characters have about as much depth as Paris Hilton’s intellect. Am I being too hard on this film, well maybe, I’m not its audience, the film constantly plays like it’s rated PG 13 and yet is oddly rated “R”. I like unrated sex and gore, I enjoy camp, and I enjoy realism but there is a place between the two poles of camp and realistic where you kind of wind up with “soap opera.” This feels more like an after school special about why you don’t buy ghosts off of the internet at college than anything else. That might be due to the casting: Masiela Lusha -the teen daughter from, “George Lopez,” Stephen Colletti teen start of “One Tree Hill,” Jonathan McDaniel on the made for tweens and teens TV show “That’s so Raven*.” Notice the over usage of the word “teen?” Dean Cain shows up for a few scenes, oh yeah, and to keep it “real” they do have Nick Hogan who is out of prison so I guess that gives this production street cred…

I do have to say I don’t think ill of Nick and his dad got a raw deal as of late but that is way off the subject. In watching this film I just keep trying to figure out who they made it for and I just keep coming back to 13 year olds. I don’t know the average age of the read of HorrorNew.Net, so if you’re 13 and you’ve never seen a horror film… I still wouldn’t recommend this one.

Every time something bloody is about to happen the movie just cuts away and I mean like in “we not going to show you anything!” There could have been a great scene of a girl getting her arm loped off at the elbow joint with a paper cutter but NO! Or for that matter a Shakespeare teach having her tongue yanked out. In the 1950’s they weren’t this bad about cutting away like that. And back then they had to cut away because of the Haze code. IF you want to know what happens when you don’t cut away and “run with it” see the career of Herschel Gordon Lewis.

Sometimes I get a feeling about a production; everybody knows horror is one of the safer generas to make an investment in. And that’s good it gives us blood for money, but sometimes people think they can dupe horror fans and make a fast buck on us. Horror fans on whole ARE NOT stupid and we do see through these simple reuses… Sometimes…

Also the fact that this film is set in a college dorm and is is PG-13 safe –no nudity, drinking, sex, drug use, general hooliganism behavior, blows my mind, I get this is cliché that we have to accept BUT I’m sorry I’ve gone to more than one college and just in the usage of language alone on every day basis was an “R” rating not to mention everything else I was doing.

I don’t like writing bad/nasty reviews of the films it makes me unhappy, I’d like to give you the reader something good to go out and watch. Not just tell you “hey, avoid this” but unfortunately with this film lacking the fun of camp or the brutality of stark realism and that being the film isn’t bad enough to be laughed at or good enough to be enjoyed, I don’t know what else to say -well, other then Sy-fy channel here we come.

*First time I heard the title of this show I assumed it was about a misanthropic teen goth girl and it didn’t make sense as to why it was on the Disney channel.

Kill Katie Malone (2010)