Reality Scares Me

Do you know what happens when someone watches horror films for years on end? They turn into me. Hello, I am the product of a life spent watching gore and innards flying in all directions, and contrary to the beliefs of a great many people who would call me the spawn of the devil, or a serial killer in waiting, I am actually a (pretty) well rounded member of civilized society. Granted, I am probably more familiar with the site of exposed brain matter and the concepts of cannibalism, vampirism, reanimating corpses and suchlike, but I’m hardly going to go and start eating kittens and screaming that the Great Demon Of Zorb is about to come and rip everyone to shreds.

I am more likely to look for a pizza and sit pointing out plot inconsistencies, really. You see, I am what is known as a horror fan, and if you are reading this, then I’m pleased to make your acquaintance, dear brother-or-sister. I am becoming ever more tired of people saying things like ‘Argh, how can you watch that stuff? It’s disgusting!’ when they spend hour upon hour watching vapid reality shows.

To be honest, I would take some hardcore Fulci over some whining karaoke show or hour upon hour of PEOPLE SAT DOING NOTHING. I would rather sit through a film make for pennies, with actors who have only had a script waggled in front of the, and production values that would make Plan 9 from outer Space look like Avatar in comparison. yes, I would. A bad horror film is infinitely better than a great deal of so called ‘popular’ nonsense. These things are generally popular because networks and easily swayed media outlets tell people they’re popular.

Horror is different. respect has to be earned in the horror field, and while we as horror fans are more than happy to watch and re-watch great (and not so great) films, we are doing more than just stagnating. There is more to enjoy with each viewing of a favourite film, be it a particular shot, a particular effects sequence, or a particular sequences of scenes that are pieced together in an interesting way. We may have read up on a director, an actor, or events surrounding the shooting of certain scenes, all of which give us a greater appreciation of the films and the art form itself. It just drives me up the wall when so-called ‘liberated’ people shrug off an entire genre for the simple reason that it doesn’t fit within the confines of their little world.

‘Those things will twist your mind’, they may say. ‘That stuff you watch is just wrong on so many levels’ they croon. ‘That’s sick and vile and I don’t know how you could ever watch it,’ they gibber, just before glueing their eyes back to their monstrous TVs so they can check out every pore on the vacuous, sickening pustules that populate their televisual addictions. They gossip and dream about those shows. They let these chilling feasts of polished nonsense take them over like ululating Body Snatchers. They waste their lives in front of a screen and don’t come away with anything other than a few less brain cells and an even more judgemental attitude. Now that, dear friend, is horrific.