Film Review: Thirst (2008)

SYNOPSIS:
Noelle (Lacey Chabert) and Bryan (Tygh Runyan) join their friends Atheria (Mercedes McNab) and Tyson (Brandon Quinn) on a working vacation trip to the desert for a photo shoot. Miles from civilization without any cell reception or way to reach help, they crash their vehicle into a deep ditch finding themselves injured and stranded in the wild. With no options left, they begin to hike for help only to become more lost as each day passes. They must find a way to survive the harsh environment, the wolves tracking their scent and the lack of food and water before the unforgiving landscape claim their lives.

REVIEW:
Thirst may be the single most overused movie title in the past decade with at least 13 movies listed on IMDb, the most famous of which is the 2009 South Korean entry by Chan-wook Park. This version however shares nothing with that masterpiece. This version is directed by Jeffery Scott Lando and stars Lacey (Party of Five 1995-2000) Chabert. This version is also one of the most boring, dull, witless disasters to ever make it to film. It is difficult to sit through containing four grating characters and a mundane plot. Steer clear of this abomination.

Also serving as executive producer, Lacey Chabert headlines as Noelle. While her performance is the most polished of the four featured actors, she delivers a shallow, wooden, uninspired essay of a supposedly educated, intelligent female role. Her character is irritating, pushy and unappealing and Chabert makes little effort to bring any sympathy to the role. Without any reason to care about Noelle’s outcome and any consequences she may endure, the film crawls along desperate for anything of interest to occur. On top of this, she shares no chemistry with the other actors and characters, most importantly her onscreen husband, Bryan.

The other actors fair no better. Tygh Runyan as Bryan is excruciatingly bad. This character could not die soon enough. He’s an uninteresting douche and grating to listen to. The acting is lazy and boring. Mercedes McNab and Brandon Quinn as Atheria and Tyson are equally horrible but slightly more interesting to watch. Slightly. The best (worst?) scene to get the idea of just how horrible this group is where they are wandering through the desert, dehydrated and ready to collapse. At this point the wobble and stagger around like a bunch of buffoons pretending there’s an earthquake in play. It’s silly, lame and embarrassingly amateurish.

The cinematography for Thirst is no better than the acting. Struggling to convey the effects of bright sunlight, the shots are commonly over exposed. Unfortunately it does not work the way it needs to be and only blurs the action. The locations are authentic enough but it appears like they shot many shots at the same location but from different angles. The direction is also underwhelming, never bringing much of interest or anything unique or distinct. The special effects, as little as they are needed, are more than adequate but the script provides nothing special for the effects artist to accomplish. The script is hard to endure with bad dialog, wonky decisions and motivations and groan-worthy plot turns.

Not many films deserve a bashing, but Thirst has earned the honor of being the closest thing to a crap fest as any film has in a long time. There’s very little to recommend or praise about this trite mess of a movie. The filmmakers even employ the most annoying and unnecessary use of “Day 1” scene captions ever. Bad acting, lousy script, boring plot and dull direction. It all adds up to a big fat zero. Avoid at all cost.

0 out of 5