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Video Madness: Worst Movie Scenes Ever!

Well, that just about wraps it up for 2008, kids. 2009 is breathing down our necks; it’s voice thick with innuendo and promises for the New Year. Yeah, I remember hearing all those sweet nothings from 2008 – and guess what, she didn’t f*cking deliver. So, perhaps my skepticism for 2009 is rightly justified. Who knows?

I hope you’ve all had fun here in the Fiendatory this year. It has been my pleasure to entertain, or conversely, bore the hell out of you these passed 2 months or so. Unlike the New Year however, I will not be making you empty promises of improved content, more maddening madness, or even crazier batsh*t-craziness. The Professor has never been one for new years resolutions and he’s certainly not going to change that up just because he’s got some Internet column. What I will say is, that if you’ve enjoyed this column (and I thank all 3 of you) you may continue to still love it in 2009. Hell, you may not. That’s a pretty subjective sensation, and I can guarantee you nothing.

I’ve given much thought as to how to end the year right proper. The last video of 2008 should be something kicking ass – something rocking the blouse – something to set you straight and keep you coming back for more. In short – something that’s not f*ckin’ around. Knowing this doesn’t help the matter much. Actually, it pretty much complicates the whole damn issue. It adds a whole lot of pressure I don’t really need and makes everything seem, well, just not good enough.

It is important to note that The Professor is a fan of the ridiculous. I love it. It’s absolutely the most wonderful thing I can think of. Many years ago I decided that real movies or quality movies were pretty much a waste of my time. I came to realize that true entertainment comes from bad movies. Horrible slices of cinema that try so hard and just fail in every way. However, there is a fine line between bad movies that are awesome and just straight up horrible movies with no value whatsoever. It’s pretty much the difference between “Rat Race” and “Track of the Moon Beast.” Sure, “Rat Race” may arguably be a better “movie,” but there’s absolutely nothing redeeming about it. On the other hand, “Track of the Moon Beast” is awesome and horrible and chock full of enough failure to keep it on your DVD shelf. Well, at least mine anyway. I just might have the largest collection of awful movies you’ve ever seen. The street value of which is probably mind boggling to the point where you’d wonder why anyone would have paid so much for such crap.

Which brings me to today’s madness. In my search for the proper video to end the year with, I stumbled upon this clip from breaktv.com. It opened with one of my favorite death scenes ever and then moved onto that awesome clip from “Troll 2”. I knew right then and there it needed to be featured. Shortly thereafter, the clip from “Silent Night, Deadly Night 2” came up, clinching the f*cking deal. Then, not to be outdone, they tossed in those clips from “Shark Attack 3.” Gold. Solid gold. I love this clip, and I wish more existed.

So when you’re getting wasted tonight, ringing in the New Year with your favorite tonics, take a peak at this jewel and laugh your asses off. Happy New Year, Children.

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