All right children, no jokes. Not today. Nope. Today, we’re not f*cking around. This clip was a submission of sorts from everyone’s favorite brutally honest critic, Horrornews.net’s very own Mikey Rots. Mr. Rots showed me this video a few months ago and it has been sitting in the back of my head like a tumor, simply waiting for the right moment to get featured. He sent me the link the other day, like I forgot about this video, like one could forget about this video. I assure you children; you’ll never be able to wash this out of your eyes.
We’ve been talking about phobias this week, and this video is here to wrap it all up. Though, I’m not exactly sure what phobia this could be related to. More over, I’m not even sure that one exists. I think one should be created specifically for this video, and I guarantee, everyone whose eyes this thing pierces will carry that phobia with them to the grave.
I’m actually afraid to feature this video, and for a few different reasons. Firstly, it’s f*cking scary, bottom line. Secondly, this woman (actually a man) is real. It really exists, and it makes me feel terrible to put her on display while discussing just how goddamn scary he-she is. However, this video was posted, presumably by herm, so I can’t feel too bad about it. Apparently, from what I understand, she’s available for shows. You can hire this creature and for a nominal fee, it will come and perform. This is perhaps the most disturbing aspect of the whole thing. And lastly, the reason I’m most afraid to feature it is this. My column here is founded on the basic principle of wrangling up the scariest, most disturbing, unsettling and straight up f*cking bonkers videos the Internet has to offer. Now there are an insane number of videos out there floating through the air, and I certainly haven’t seen them all. My fear – my phobia children – is that there isn’t anything that will creep me out more than this video does every time I watch it. Where do I go from here? A bunch of silly clips with some methocel blood or a homemade werewolf costume? Some chickens getting punched into meat grinders? Vincent Price selling paintings for Sears?
I’ve always held onto the notion that, while disgusting and gory nonsense can be frightening, less is more, particularly where horror is concerned. “Night of the Living Dead” always scared me a lot more than “Friday the 13th Part 6.” “Based of a true story” always upset me more than “based on some jackass who thought it would be really neat to see Pinhead in space.” I could witness the most horrifying sh*t on the Internet and I’m not sure if it would unnerve me like this simple, seemingly harmless video does. You may agree. You may not. Hell, It may not bother you at all cause you’ve seen every Guinea Pig short, laughed at Men Behind the Sun and jerked off to Cannibal Holocaust, and now you’ve lost whatever shred of respect you didn’t have for me in the first place. Well, here’s the facts, Jack. This is Video Madness with Professor Fiendy. Not Video Madness with You and Your Horror Nerd Pals Who Don’t Shudder For Shit. I’m not so desensitized to the world that sh*t doesn’t creep me out. And this Video, well – it seriously creeps me the f*ck out.
Without any further bullsh*t, I give you “The Goddess Bunny.”