Film Review: Blood Diner (1987)

SYNOPSIS:

Two brothers (and their uncle who looks a lot like Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fame) open up a restaurant that serves the best health food in town. Their secret? It’s all made from the people that they have killed in order to resurrect the goddess that they worship named Shitaar. Who’s ready for seconds?

REVIEW:

If you know me (or have read any of my reviews) you probably know that I despise most horror/comedy hybrids. Aside from a handful of them I think that the majority of them suck sour frog ass as they are usually just silly, obnoxious, and full of unfunny dick and fart jokes and little else (see any of the Wayans Brothers films for an example of this). Blood Diner is one of the very few exceptions as it is just so unbelievably awesome that it is impossible not to like it in my opinion. It is just so quirky, weird, and over the top that it has always been one of my favorites. It does such a great job of combining horror and comedy elements that it should be used as a guide for anyone wanting to make a wacky horror/comedy film so they can see how to do it correctly.

The main thing that I liked about the movie was the fact that it is actually funny. The biggest part of the time I spent watching it was spent laughing my ass off to be honest, which is something that I very rarely do outside of a Troma or early Kevin Smith movie. The filmmakers responsible for Blood Diner just “get it” so to speak and know what is funny and what isn’t. I have a very weird, dark sense of humor and apparently the folks behind this movie do as well. There are too many hilarious scenes to mention here, but the ones that really stood out for me include the bit with one of the brothers running over a victim with his van over and over again, the wrestling match scene, every single scene where the uncle speaks (his voice cracks me up), and countless others. In my opinion this movie is comedy gold and if you want to see a film where the humor actually works without trying too hard then Blood Diner is for you.

In addition to being a total and complete hoot this film is also pretty damn violent as well (and I loved every minute of it). There are some pretty awesome death scenes to behold that are violent and just damn fun in general. Highlights include a decapitation via broom (!), a woman being cut in half from head to toe, and someone having his eyes knocked out of his head. There is enough blood and guts to make any gore hound happy, and most of it looks pretty damn impressive considering the fact that the film was produced with a pretty low budget. Have you ever wanted to see a half-naked woman have her head dipped in hot cooking grease and then run around all over the place like a chicken with its head cut off while her assailant looks on in total and utter confusion? If so then here’s your chance to do so.

I loved the characters that appeared in this movie as well. Rick Burks is great as Michael, the more mentally stable of the brothers, but Carl Crew owns the film as George, the completely insane, super violent brother who loves slicing people to shreds as much as he does cooking and professional wrestling. I also loved the boys’ uncle (who is just a brain with eyeballs they keep in a glass jar that has one of the funniest voices in the history of film) who is the evil mastermind obsessed with putting together the “Blood Buffet” that will resurrect Shitaar. Other funny characters include the wacky cops on the brothers’ trail, a rival restaurant owner, and an overweight health food critic that George enjoys beating the shit out of on occasion. All in all I dug every character that appeared in the movie, and that even includes the talking mannequin.

I had a blast watching Blood Diner. It is funny, full of some excellent death scenes, and is just a lot of fun to watch in general. If you are in the mood for something a little different that gives a ton of nods to Herschell Gordon Lewis’ Blood Feast in a number of wacky and over the top ways then you need to check this movie out as soon as you can. Highly recommended!

Blood Diner (1987)

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About Todd Martin

Todd Martin grew up in Irvington, a small town in Kentucky. Thanks to his mother, father, and favorite uncle he started watching horror films at a very young age and has been a horror geek ever since. He is basically a walking encyclopedia of horror flicks (especially the 80’s slashers), comic books, and pro wrestling, and has been writing for the biggest majority of his life.

His first book, Nightmare Tales was published in 2006 and he has had several short stories published in several collections. He and his wife Trish published their book “The Gardener,” a horror novel that is a throwback to the slasher films of the 80’s in 2011 and he is working on a collection of short horror stories When he isn’t reviewing movies and books or doing interviews for Horrornews.net he has been known to act from time to time as he has appeared in a handful of low budget horror films. He also enjoys writing screenplays and enjoys making movies as well. He wrote the segment “Angel” which appeared in the 2004 film “Tales from the Grave 2: Happy Holidays!” which was produced and directed by Stephanie Beaton, and recently appeared in Tim Ritter’s film “Deadly Dares: Truth or Dare 4.”. He resides in Kentucky with his wife Trish, their cat Buffy, and their wiener dog, Cujo

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