Author Archives: Ross Peterson

Film Review: Zombie Games: The Knackery (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: Contestants enter into battle against one another on a popular reality TV show called The Knackery. Of course, there’s a twist to this violent program: the producers unleash hordes of zombies onto the set in order to make things more challenging for the contestants. REVIEW: THE KNACKERY has an ethic, a grindhouse purism, which is both commendable and impressive. The really bad horror movies—the ones that bore us to death—the ones no one wants … Continue reading

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Film Review: Super Shark (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: The negligent activities of an oil company in Florida have caused some unintended biological consequences. A giant shark, which walks on land, now terrorizes dwellers on the beach. A marine biologist, a skipper, and a fun-loving disk jockey must stop it before it’s too late. REVIEW: Fred Olen Ray, hero of bad cinema, director of classics such as HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS, BEVERLY HILLS VAMP, and WIZARDS OF THE DEMON SWORD, was there. He made … Continue reading

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Film Review: Life After Beth (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: Zach’s girlfriend, Beth, comes back from the dead. He resumes his relationship with her, but all is not well, he soon finds. REVIEW: LIFE AFTER BETH is a hip, feel-good romantic comedy . . . with zombies. Comparisons to WARM BODIES will inevitably be made, but that’s beside the point. Beth (Aubrey Plaza) has died. No one is taking it as hard as Zach (Dane DeHaan). He’s devastated. He can’t move on. His coping … Continue reading

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Film Review: Killer Mermaid (Nymph) (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: While on a vacation in the Mediterranean, two American women and their accompanying Serbian friends stumble into the home of a vicious killer mermaid. They must try and survive. REVIEW: “She hypnotizes you.” By this, one of the film’s characters means: she makes a dolphin-like call, compelling you to get in the water, then rips you to shreds. As if she couldn’t eviscerate victims easily enough, she has the help of another killer, an … Continue reading

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Film Review: Godzilla 2000 (1999)

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SYNOPSIS: Scientists discover an underwater UFO which has invaded Earth to get a hold of Godzilla’s regenerative powers. Godzilla enters into an urban battle against the UFO, and in the midst of it, the ship uses the monster’s regenerative powers to morph into Orga, a brand new beast. REVIEW: GODZILLA 2000 happened because Godzilla had been en vogue for over forty years—and still is. It’s one reboot among many . . . THE RETURN OF … Continue reading

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Film Review: Chupacabra vs. the Alamo (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Chupacabras have come from Mexico to San Antonio, Texas through drug cartel tunnels. A DEA investigation of some brutal killings turns to a brawl at none other than the Alamo, as chupacabras are discovered to be the menace. REVIEW: Erik Estrada plays Carlos Seguin, a tough-as-nails DEA agent who happens also to be a single father. He “grew up on the street.” He “knows what’s out there.” But even his world is tossed into … Continue reading

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Film Review: Death Row Diner (1988)

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SYNOPSIS: An executive of a movie studio is wrongfully tried for murder and sentenced to death by the electric chair. Before he is executed, the prison staff denies him his last meal. Decades later, a movie crew works on a horror film inside the same prison. The studio exec returns from the dead to exact revenge, killing off the film crew and eating them. REVIEW: Here’s one for you, if you like DIY shot-on-video schlock … Continue reading

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Film Review: Elimination (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: A large group of people gather, ready to perform auditions for a new, different kind of show. It’s an online reality show, but none of the prospective performers know much about it. Unfortunate for them, they might get killed on it. Assuming they don’t, they could win one million dollars. REVIEW: Wow, what a bunch of attractive people about to meet their demises. And in a way totally unlike THE RUNNING MAN and SAW. … Continue reading

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Film Review: Hide and Go Shriek (1988)

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SYNOPSIS: Eight teenagers, after having just graduated from high school, throw an all-night party in a furniture store. They’re not the only ones spending the night in the store, though. A mysterious killer lurks among them … and hunts them down. REVIEW: HIDE AND GO SHRIEK is a slasher movie made after the Jason flicks started going straight to video. By ’87, seemingly every garden tool, face mask, and bad situation to shower in had … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Wicksboro Incident (2003)

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SYNOPSIS: A documentary team and a retired government engineer go to the site of what was once Wicksboro, Texas to investigate a population which completely vanished in the 1950’s. They believe alien invaders were responsible for the mass disappearance, and set out to prove it on film. REVIEW: THE WICKSBORO INCIDENT opens flashing a few courier-fonted title screens and a close-up interview with a retired electrical engineer named Lloyd. Lloyd explains the research he was … Continue reading

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Film Review: Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)

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SYNOPSIS: A druidic cult wreaks havoc on a small town in upstate New York. They capture victims and drain them of their blood for a ritual intended to maintain the life-force of their ancient queen. REVIEW: What, you ask, is a blood farmer? Well. I’m here to tell you. Blood farmers dress a lot like normal farmers: overalls, plaid, straw hats. You’ll know one when you see one, though. Their artificially colored, silver hair gives … Continue reading

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Film Review: Timesweep (1987)

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SYNOPSIS: A group of people—filmmakers, local history buffs, students, and journalists—all gather to explore a now-defunct, dilapidated movie studio. They soon learn, however, that time—past, present, and future—have coalesced into one, and entities from the past and future travel through the movie studio, often terrorizing its visitors. The group must try and escape the building, but it is surrounded in a deadly, flesh-eating fog. REVIEW: Wow, “distributed by Carrera Topline.” I admit, TIMESWEEP is the … Continue reading

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Film Review: Cannibal (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Carlos is a tailor by day, serial killer by night. A young woman named Alexandra moves in next to him, tries to befriend him, and goes missing. Her twin sister, Nina, turns up afterward, asking for Carlos’s help investigating. He agrees, although–unbeknownst to Nina–is responsible for the disappearance. Nina then becomes dangerously close to deadly Carlos and his secret life. REVIEW: CANNIBAL begins dark–slow, bleak, and brooding. We follow Carlos, the psycho predatory protagonist … Continue reading

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Film Review: Killer Legends (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: A documentary team looks at the true origins of common urban legends in America. REVIEW: If you grew up losing sleep over episodes of UNSOLVED MYSTERIES—and, strangely, remember the experience fondly (I did), then KILLER LEGENDS is the movie for you. It is wonderfully sensationalist, replete with eerie piano music and gritty stock footage. The real events, which, in turn, urban legends grow out of are way scarier than the myths themselves. That, anyway, … Continue reading

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Film Review: After Death (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: After the death of their eccentric inventor father, four siblings gather at his home to sort out his affairs. They confront their own problems, too, as well as bizarre phenomena which challenge most notions of reality. REVIEW: AFTER DEATH is unconventional, genre-bending, at times postmodern, and . . . to use one of my least favorite adjectives, whimsical. It’s also inconsistent, and not much happens. You could say the same thing about a lot … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Addicted (Rehab) (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A reporter, in an effort to get the big story, ventures into an abandoned re-hab clinic with her friends. Rather than the big story, she finds a malicious ghost. REVIEW: You wanna talk plot devices? How about a struggling journalist after a big story—one that may even turn her career around? How about several friends exploring an abandoned building . . . then getting hunted by a malevolent force?

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Film Review: Malignant (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A grieving alcoholic falls prey to a mad scientist’s experimental—and maniacal—treatment. REVIEW: Alex (Gary Cairns) had a wonderful wife. He lost her to cancer, though, and has become hopelessly depressed. He’s turned to drinking, and finds himself blacked out drunk most nights of the week. One night, while at his favorite bar, he gets a text message from an unknown number that reads: “Don’t drink it.” He doesn’t pay it much heed, continuing to … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Last Light (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: A group of people have secluded themselves off from the world in an abandoned hospital after a critical apocalyptic event. REVIEW: Chained and locked doors are the first hint you get in the beginning of THE LAST LIGHT as to the apocalyptic status of the world. We don’t know what happened, but something big and something bad. And seven people have gathered for shelter in an abandoned hospital. The movie keeps flashing days—it’s a … Continue reading

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Film Review: Mine Games (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Some college friends go on a camping trip. Their van breaks down and they find a cabin, which they stay in. They soon discover an abandoned mine, which unlocks strange metaphysical doors. REVIEW: The world did not need another “psychological thriller.” It did not need another movie about vapid youths going into the woods to party, finding only trouble. But with THE EVIL WITHIN, also known as MINE GAMES, it got one anyway. The … Continue reading

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Film Review: Anna (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: John Washington, a “memory detective,” is assigned a seemingly simple case: he must make Anna Greene, a disturbed sixteen-year-old on a hunger strike, eat. Difficulties ensue, though, as he finds Anna could be much more dangerous than she seems. REVIEW: What if a sixteen-year-old girl was a diabolical genius? For real, imagine what that would be like. For real. And such is the spirit of Jorge Dorado’s new psychological thriller, ANNA.

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Film Review: Demon Resurrection (2008)

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SYNOPSIS: A cult leader summons undead servants to retrieve what is his from a reformed cult member. REVIEW: What makes a bad horror movie enjoyable? There are so many things, I know. And every lowbrow’s taste is unique. But I find the best bad horror films are unified by their sense of daring. They’re made by people unafraid to “push it,” to go over the top. They’re made by people who recognize they pander to … Continue reading

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