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Rob Getz

Rob Getz was born poor and ugly in rural Michigan to a horror fanatic father and an incredibly good sport of a mother. He and his younger siblings spent countless weekend evenings ushered off in their pajamas by their parents to a local drive-in movie theater, where they were assured to be completely unconscious before the opening credits of the second film were finished rolling. Rob vaguely recalls these blurred images launching such classics as Ridley Scott's "Alien" and "The Changeling" through drooping eyelids. As he became older, he took the initiative nobody else in the Getz household had the moxie nor the energy to attempt and learned how to program their antiquated V.C.R. to record heavily edited horror films from one of the four available channels. Without these nocturnal bootlegs, there would have been no youthful introduction to the likes of "Re-Animator" or "Eraserhead." Rob wanted to be a part of this twisted universe from those days forward, regardless of the role he played. The tiniest, most insignificant cog in a machine is truly happy if it adores the machine. Even a critic.

Film Review: The Dying (1997)

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SYNOPSIS: Nicholson, this ambitious feature film tackles some very complex issues as seen through the eyes of vampires.  “Almost human, but not quite” defines these characters well  They bear little resemblance to the vampires of old except that they are very difficult to kill.  Even though it was shot on a budget that was less than they spent on catering for one of ...

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Film Review: Before Dawn (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: An estranged couple’s vacation to save their troubled relationship goes awry when they find themselves under attack from the walking dead REVIEW: Zombies are everywhere, friends.  I don’t speak of an actual infestation, though due to the skyrocketing fame of our undead once-brethren, I have friends who not only believe an outbreak is imminent, but I suspect are looking ...

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Film Review: Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You! (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A vicious monster has arisen from its watery lair! It’s the Riverbeast, and he’s threatening a peaceful New England town. Local tutor Neil Stuart has seen the beast before, but nobody believed his story, making him the town laughingstock. Neil sets out to not only prove that the Riverbeast exists, but also, with the help of his beautiful pupil, ...

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Film Review: Biker Zombies From Detroit (2001)

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SYNOPSIS: Bad Bikers, Killer Zombies, & Hard Rock! REVIEW: It’s an exciting prospect, to view a film from your neck of the woods when your particular neck isn’t a common stomping ground for motion pictures.  Thumbing its nose contrarily at its own title, “‘Biker Zombies From Detroit” (“BZFD” until the final paragraph) is set in the suburb of Grosse Pointe, yet shot in every surrounding ...

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Film Review: The Taking (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Two strangers must discover a way to escape a sinister family who wishes to sacrifice their souls to an evil presence. REVIEW: Allow me to make myself perfectly clear here.  I love existentialism in film.  From the roots of Bergman, Godard and Kurosawa up to the contemporaries, I can’t get enough of this crap.  Considering some of the stinkers I’ve had to ...

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Film Review: Jug Face (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A teen, pregnant with her brother’s child, is trying to escape from a backwoods community when she discovers that she must sacrifice herself to a creature in a pit. REVIEW: Any horror film that connects with its viewer on a personal level is an anomaly in its basic priorities.  So often in the writing process, the creation of empathetic characters ...

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Film Review: The Evil Inside (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Sarah, a mentally-disturbed teen, has a jarring premonition of her friends’ impending deaths one night at a sleepover. As her house guests begin to turn murderously against each other, Sarah must determine whether her visions represent the preventable or the inevitable… or something entirely more sinister REVIEW: I am at a loss.  I cannot bring myself to type one word describing ...

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Film Review: Redd Inc. (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A demented boss works six captives to death. REVIEW: The horror resurgence is the best thing to happen to the likes of yours truly since losing my virginity the second time (long story).  As a lifelong devotee and diatribe-spewer of all things frightful, it has become a lost cause to keep up with the sheer number of titles released since “Scream” underwhelmed ...

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Film Review: House Hunting (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Two families go to an open house and can’t leave. REVIEW: Orchestrating an effective haunted house movie is a tricky egg to crack.  Singular focus on atmosphere could lead to a rather tedious experience, as displayed by the classics “The Amityville Horror” and “The Haunting of Hill House.”  On the flip side, concentration aimed in the singular direction of special ...

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Film Review: Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Sequel follows Jim Bickerman, a poacher who discovers that his local lake is inhabited by man-eating crocodiles. REVIEW: Were it not for my gig here at our happy home that is HorrorNews and the immortality it affords my inconsequential opinions, the drunken late-night Facebook conversation I’d have with my buddy Timmy concerning “Lake Placid: The Final Chapter” would most likely go something like ...

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