Author Archives: Rob Getz

Film Review: Before Dawn (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: An estranged couple’s vacation to save their troubled relationship goes awry when they find themselves under attack from the walking dead REVIEW: Zombies are everywhere, friends.¬† I don’t speak of an actual infestation, though due to the skyrocketing fame of our undead once-brethren, I have friends who not only believe an outbreak is imminent, but I suspect are looking forward to the event.¬† Personally, given the choice, I could live without it.¬†¬†A few vampires … Continue reading

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Film Review: Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You! (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A vicious monster has arisen from its watery lair! It’s the Riverbeast, and he’s threatening a peaceful New England town. Local tutor Neil Stuart has seen the beast before, but nobody believed his story, making him the town laughingstock. Neil sets out to not only prove that the Riverbeast exists, but also, with the help of his beautiful pupil, scrappy tutor buddies, and a former professional athlete to vanquish the aquatic menace! REVIEW: Over … Continue reading

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Film Review: Biker Zombies From Detroit (2001)

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SYNOPSIS: Bad Bikers, Killer Zombies, & Hard Rock! REVIEW: It’s an exciting prospect, to view a film¬†from your neck of the woods when your particular neck isn’t a common¬†stomping ground for motion pictures.¬† Thumbing its nose¬†contrarily at its own title, “‘Biker Zombies From Detroit” (“BZFD” until the final paragraph) is¬†set in the suburb of Grosse Pointe, yet¬†shot in every surrounding city that isn’t Grosse Pointe.¬† I live just up the street from where some of … Continue reading

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Film Review: Dark Feed (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A crew moves into an abandoned psychiatric hospital with a shadowy past to shoot a film, when the leaky wet building comes back to life and feeds off its new inhabitants. REVIEW: I was so terrified I would be subjected to yet another found footage film. For as much as I throw my darts at this fad genre, Karma should certainly prove herself known and punish me at some point in the game. From … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Taking (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Two strangers must discover a way to escape a sinister family who wishes to sacrifice their souls to an evil presence. REVIEW: Allow me to make myself¬†perfectly clear here.¬† I love existentialism in film.¬† From the roots of Bergman, Godard and Kurosawa up to the contemporaries, I can’t get enough of this crap.¬†¬†Considering some of the stinkers I’ve had¬†to muddle through as a humble service to you, friends, I need a grown-up movie from … Continue reading

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Film Review: American Maniacs (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: A terrifying story of six members of an evangelical Christian group who have been abducted in rural Kansas REVIEW: Right about the first minute mark of the opening credit sequence, set to a catchy metal riff within the grubby confines of a small town Kansas strip club, I knew I was watching the latest trend in horror movie mimicry, the Rob Zombie-inspired flick.¬† I’m not quite certain whether or not I’m on board with … Continue reading

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Film Review: Dead End (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Carl Foster takes off on a well-deserved weekend break with his family knowing only too well that focus on work has impacted his relationship with his wife, young son, and teenage step-daughter. But after a short but restful break in the journey Carl awakens to find himself tied and bound in an old roadside diner, his family trussed and gagged next to him, and a disparate group of dirty, dishevelled, vagrant-like undesirables keeping them … Continue reading

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Film Review: Jug Face (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A teen, pregnant with her brother’s child, is trying to escape from a backwoods community when she discovers that she must sacrifice herself to a creature in a pit. REVIEW: Any horror film that connects with its viewer on a personal level is an anomaly in its basic priorities.¬† So often in the writing process, the creation of¬†empathetic characters becomes a hindering afterthought, at times an avenue never explored at all in the process.¬† … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Evil Inside (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Sarah, a mentally-disturbed teen, has a jarring premonition of her friends’ impending deaths one night at a sleepover. As her house guests begin to turn murderously against each other, Sarah must determine whether her visions represent the preventable or the inevitable… or something entirely more sinister REVIEW: I¬†am at a loss.¬† I cannot bring myself to type one word¬†describing in¬†detail what bothers me most about “The Evil Inside” without spoiling the final twist.¬†¬†It would … Continue reading

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Film Review: Playdate (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A new family moves into the house next door to the Valentine family. While they become fast friends, Emilie Valentine starts to notice bruises and odd behavior from the two sons in the new family. Are they victims of child abuse? Or are there many twists and turns to finding out the real reason? (There are.) Turns out one of the sons has killed before and the family is trying to protect him but … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Deaths of Ian Stone (2007)

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SYNOPSIS: In this byzantine psychological thriller directed by Dario Piana, working stiff Ian Stone (Mike Vogel) finds himself trapped in a bizarre reality: Every day he dies a horrific death at the hands of a killer, only to be resurrected and murdered again. Can Ian get to the bottom of the mystery and break the recurring cycle of death and rebirth? Christina Cole, Michael Feast and Jaime Murray also star. REVIEW: I have never enjoyed … Continue reading

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Film Review: Mulberry Street (2006)

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SYNOPSIS: A mysterious virus creates pandemonium as it spreads through the Big Apple in this eerie creature feature that gives new meaning to the term rat race. On a scorching day in Manhattan, the denizens of a tumbledown tenement on Mulberry Street grouse about the heat, but as night falls, they find themselves battling a horde of mutants turning powerless New Yorkers into a bloodthirsty new species. Nick Damici, Kim Blair and Bo Corre star. … Continue reading

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Film Review: Kill For Me (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Two roommates with abusive men in their pasts consider murder as an option to help settle each others problems. REVIEW: Certain motion pictures evoke a creeping sensation, beginning with the faint whisper of a mischievous spirit in my ear that escalates¬†to a cacophony of wailing banshees far too boisterous to be ignored.¬† No, I’m not speaking of that¬†rational inner voice pleading, “Turn it off while you still qualify for Mensa,” though I’ve chosen¬†to ignore … Continue reading

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Film Review: Purgatorium (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: In this Twilight Zone-esque thriller by director Travis B. Miller, five strangers awake in an abandon two-story house with a few unanswered questions racing through their minds. Who are they? Where are they? Why are they there? They soon discover that the obvious answers are not always the right ones. With nerves stretched thin, and time closing in, those remaining realize that if they want to escape from the forsaken place, they will have … Continue reading

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Film Review: Fun Size (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: When a troubled but whip-smart teen girl loses her oddball little brother on Halloween, she has one desperate night to track him down REVIEWS: There could be no deeper horror to a parent or loved one than a child gone missing. Those who have braved the misfortune of such a calamity would rather engage in a bloody battle to the death with Jason, Freddy and that crazed beast from “Cloverfield” all rolled into one … Continue reading

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Film Review: Redd Inc. (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A demented boss works six captives to death. REVIEW: The horror resurgence is the best thing to happen to the likes of¬†yours truly¬†since losing my virginity the second time (long story).¬† As a lifelong devotee and diatribe-spewer of all things frightful, it has become a¬†lost cause to keep up with the sheer number of titles released since “Scream” underwhelmed me, yet started a veritable film revolution, bless its gutless heart.¬† Vampires and zombies have … Continue reading

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About Rob Getz

Rob Getz was born poor and ugly in rural Michigan to a horror fanatic father and an incredibly good sport of a mother. He and his younger siblings spent countless weekend evenings ushered off in their pajamas by their parents to a local drive-in movie theater, where they were assured to be completely unconscious before the opening credits of the second film were finished rolling. Rob vaguely recalls these blurred images launching such classics as Ridley Scott's "Alien" and "The Changeling" through drooping eyelids. As he became older, he took the initiative nobody else in the Getz household had the moxie nor the energy to attempt and learned how to program their antiquated V.C.R. to record heavily edited horror films from one of the four available channels. Without these nocturnal bootlegs, there would have been no youthful introduction to the likes of "Re-Animator" or "Eraserhead." Rob wanted to be a part of this twisted universe from those days forward, regardless of the role he played. The tiniest, most insignificant cog in a machine is truly happy if it adores the machine. Even a critic.