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Rob Getz

Rob Getz was born poor and ugly in rural Michigan to a horror fanatic father and an incredibly good sport of a mother. He and his younger siblings spent countless weekend evenings ushered off in their pajamas by their parents to a local drive-in movie theater, where they were assured to be completely unconscious before the opening credits of the second film were finished rolling. Rob vaguely recalls these blurred images launching such classics as Ridley Scott's "Alien" and "The Changeling" through drooping eyelids. As he became older, he took the initiative nobody else in the Getz household had the moxie nor the energy to attempt and learned how to program their antiquated V.C.R. to record heavily edited horror films from one of the four available channels. Without these nocturnal bootlegs, there would have been no youthful introduction to the likes of "Re-Animator" or "Eraserhead." Rob wanted to be a part of this twisted universe from those days forward, regardless of the role he played. The tiniest, most insignificant cog in a machine is truly happy if it adores the machine. Even a critic.

Film Review: The Dying (1997)

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SYNOPSIS: Nicholson, this ambitious feature film tackles some very complex issues as seen through the eyes of vampires.  “Almost human, but not quite” defines these characters well  They bear little resemblance to the vampires of old except that they are very difficult to kill.  Even though it was shot on a budget that was less than they spent on catering for one of …

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Film Review: Manborg (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: A soldier, brought back to life as a cyborg, fights alongside a band of adventurers against demon hordes in a dystopian future. REVIEW: I may remain far too engulfed in an after glow of giddiness to complete a coherent thought here, but I’m going to give it the ol’ college try at any rate.  I speak not of the pain killers …

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Film Review: Before Dawn (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: An estranged couple’s vacation to save their troubled relationship goes awry when they find themselves under attack from the walking dead REVIEW: Zombies are everywhere, friends.  I don’t speak of an actual infestation, though due to the skyrocketing fame of our undead once-brethren, I have friends who not only believe an outbreak is imminent, but I suspect are looking …

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Film Review: Dead End (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Carl Foster takes off on a well-deserved weekend break with his family knowing only too well that focus on work has impacted his relationship with his wife, young son, and teenage step-daughter. But after a short but restful break in the journey Carl awakens to find himself tied and bound in an old roadside diner, his family trussed and …

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Film Review: Jug Face (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A teen, pregnant with her brother’s child, is trying to escape from a backwoods community when she discovers that she must sacrifice herself to a creature in a pit. REVIEW: Any horror film that connects with its viewer on a personal level is an anomaly in its basic priorities.  So often in the writing process, the creation of empathetic characters …

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Film Review: The Evil Inside (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Sarah, a mentally-disturbed teen, has a jarring premonition of her friends’ impending deaths one night at a sleepover. As her house guests begin to turn murderously against each other, Sarah must determine whether her visions represent the preventable or the inevitable… or something entirely more sinister REVIEW: I am at a loss.  I cannot bring myself to type one word describing …

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Film Review: Playdate (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A new family moves into the house next door to the Valentine family. While they become fast friends, Emilie Valentine starts to notice bruises and odd behavior from the two sons in the new family. Are they victims of child abuse? Or are there many twists and turns to finding out the real reason? (There are.) Turns out one …

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Film Review: Mulberry Street (2006)

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SYNOPSIS: A mysterious virus creates pandemonium as it spreads through the Big Apple in this eerie creature feature that gives new meaning to the term rat race. On a scorching day in Manhattan, the denizens of a tumbledown tenement on Mulberry Street grouse about the heat, but as night falls, they find themselves battling a horde of mutants turning powerless …

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Film Review: Fun Size (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: When a troubled but whip-smart teen girl loses her oddball little brother on Halloween, she has one desperate night to track him down REVIEWS: There could be no deeper horror to a parent or loved one than a child gone missing. Those who have braved the misfortune of such a calamity would rather engage in a bloody battle to …

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Film Review: Redd Inc. (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A demented boss works six captives to death. REVIEW: The horror resurgence is the best thing to happen to the likes of yours truly since losing my virginity the second time (long story).  As a lifelong devotee and diatribe-spewer of all things frightful, it has become a lost cause to keep up with the sheer number of titles released since “Scream” underwhelmed …

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Film Review: Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Sequel follows Jim Bickerman, a poacher who discovers that his local lake is inhabited by man-eating crocodiles. REVIEW: Were it not for my gig here at our happy home that is HorrorNews and the immortality it affords my inconsequential opinions, the drunken late-night Facebook conversation I’d have with my buddy Timmy concerning “Lake Placid: The Final Chapter” would most likely go something like …

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Film Review: Bad Kids Go to Hell (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: On a stormy Saturday afternoon, six students from Crestview Academy begin to meet horrible fates as they serve out their detentions. Is a fellow student to blame, or perhaps Crestview’s alleged ghosts are behind the terrible acts? REVIEW: Putting forth a valiant effort to offer yawning Netflix surfers on the uneventful Wednesday a taste of outside-the-box spontaneity, “Bad Kids …

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Film Review: Wake in Fright (1971)

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SYNOPSIS: Wake in Fright is the story of John Grant, a bonded teacher who arrives in the rough outback mining town of Bundanyabba planning to stay overnight before catching the plane to Sydney. But his one night stretches to five and he plunges headlong toward his own destruction. When the alcohol-induced mist lifts, the educated John Grant is no more. …

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Film Review: Asunder (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: On what should have been a normal night out, Josh finds himself drawn into a Hell of his own making. REVIEW: There is no greater amusement park ride of the mind than a well-executed horror anthology.  In presentation, even the most forgettable collection of macabre tales caters to one’s short attention span in a subservient fashion rarely accomplished by …

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Film Review: President Wolfman (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: The President of the United States has been bitten by a werewolf and is loose on the streets of Washington on a killing rampage! This comedy/horror/political satire is also a ‘green movie,’ created entirely out of recycled stock and public domain film footage culled from over one hundred grainy government instructional shorts, classroom education movies, vintage stag reels and …

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Film Review: Piranha-Man Versus Werewolf-Man (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Piranha-Man Versus WereWolf-Man: Howl of the Piranha details the epic generations-long battle between two of natures most perfect killing machines! The rivalry between the fish-like Piranha-Man and the canine WereWolf-Man is one of brutal murder, familial kidnappings, stalking, and incest! When the decades old fight begins to affect the life of investigative journalist Lexi Glass, she finds that sometimes …

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Film Review: Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Teens are slaughtered by a deranged killer in a pig mask. REVIEW: This sequel to 2010’s splatterfest “Porkchop” was released overseas under the much more lyrical title of “Porkchop II: Rise of the Rind“, I suspect to avoid confusing the more discerning slasher fanatic. No moniker applied, no matter how alliterative, however, can change this one simple and irrefutable …

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