Author Archives: Rob Getz

Film Review: The Crone (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: The Crone is part of a Japanese horror project which also includes Norio Tsuruta’s Talk to the Dead and Koji Shiraishi’s Cult. Ayane, Nanami, and Mayuko are members of a new 3-member idol group called “Jersey Girl”. One day they’re invited to appear on a television show about the paranormal where they’ll visit an abandoned nursing home in the mountains to see which one of them is the bravest and document their experiences. However, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Children of a Darker Dawn (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: The world has been devastated by a virus that has decimated the adult population leaving small children and teenagers to roam the scarred landscape attempting to form some kind of society with dramatic and violent results REVIEW: Artful horror is rarely ever uplifting material.¬† Jim Mickle’s “We Are What We Are” and Jeremy Gardner’s “The Battery” were the two most beautifully rendered films I’ve had the pleasure of reviewing this past year, but both … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Last Days on Mars (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A group of astronaut explorers succumb one by one to a mysterious and terrifying force while collecting specimens on Mars. REVIEW: Our little red neighbor residing just over the fence at 34 million miles away has been poorly represented in film since Arnold saved the mutants in 1990’s “Total Recall.”¬† Even denying the pointless remake’s existence, you’re still left with garbage.¬† At least the Val Kilmer bomb “Red Planet” and Carpenter’s unintended comedy “Ghosts … Continue reading

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Film Review: Lizzie Borden’s Revenge (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: A group of sorority girls are having a slumber party at their house. One of the new sorority girls is Leslie Borden, a descendant of the infamous Lizzie Borden family REVIEW: Never before has the query “What the hell did my editor get me into?” raced to the forefront of my thoughts so quickly as during the initial seconds of “Lizzie Borden’s Revenge.”¬† A logo that looks like its most recent upgrade occurred sometime … Continue reading

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Film Review: Haunted (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: If you Like “GHOST” reality shows, you should get a kick out of this one… REALM OF HORRORDare you venture into the most haunted place in the world. A TV crew will film a paranormal investigation and obtain evidence that proves we are not alone. Something Evil awaits them! They will all discover the truth, that we are not alone. REVIEW: I have a deep, dark secret that I’m going to confess to the … Continue reading

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Film Review: Ghost Team One (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Two roommates deathly afraid of ghosts both fall in love with a girl who believes their home is haunted. REVIEW: There are those, who shall remain nameless because I don’t know any of them, that do not find the marriage of horror and comedy amusing.¬† Like red state Republicans opining on same sex relations, it just isn’t natural to them.¬† Though its influences stretch back to the dawn of moving pictures, it remains seated … Continue reading

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Film Review: We Are What We Are (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: The Parkers, a reclusive family who follow ancient customs, find their secret existence threatened as a torrential downpour moves into their area, forcing daughters Iris and Rose to assume responsibilities beyond those of a typical family REVIEW: Jim Mickle impresses more with each cinematic endeavor.¬† His first feature as a writer/director, “Mulberry Street,” made its debut in the 2007 After Dark Horrorfest lineup.¬† A tense and character-driven take on the standard zombie plague template, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Zodiac (2007)

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SYNOPSIS: A San Francisco cartoonist becomes an amateur detective obsessed with tracking down the Zodiac killer. REVIEW: We’ve all seen¬†the title card¬†before.¬† Looming ominously on the silver screen, rarely ever a harbinger of the latest feel-good romcom.¬† In fact, “Based on a true story” (or some interchangeable variation) is usually an indication that there will be murder afoot.¬† The guidelines for this bold declaration are basically nonexistent, as displayed by nearly every found footage flick.¬† … Continue reading

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Film Review: Wolf Creek (2005)

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SYNOPSIS: Based on a true story, three friends set out on a road trip to Broome, Australia. During a planned stop to the Wolf Creek Meteorite Crater, their entire trip takes a turn for the worst when they meet a local man who offers to help the group when they find their car broken down with no rest stop in sight. REVIEW:

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Film Review: The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988)

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SYNOPSIS: An anthropologist goes to Haiti after hearing rumors about a drug used by black magic practitioners to turn people into zombies. REVIEW: Wade Davis, a Harvard-educated anthropologist, traveled to Haiti in the early eighties to research the Vodou¬†religion and its practices.¬† His specific focus was concentrated on¬†zombies, and the assortment of ingredients utilized in¬†creating the poisonous powder that¬†transforms a person into the “living dead.”¬† His findings were detailed in the nonfiction novel “The Serpent … Continue reading

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Film Review: Last Kind Words (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: 17-year-old Eli has just moved with his family deep into the backwoods of Kentucky to work on the isolated farm of a local recluse. Inexplicably drawn into the strange forest that lies beyond the farm, Eli encounters the beautiful, sweet and mysterious Amanda, seemingly the perfect girl. But with the discovery of decaying bodies hanging from the trees, he realizes that the forest – and Amanda – are harboring some very dark secrets. Suddenly, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Demon (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: FBI Special Agent Nicole Diaz is sent to the town of Oro Negro to solve several bizarre murders. At first, it’s thought the killings are random acts committed by smugglers or drug dealers until the Tribal Ranger realizes the bodies have been drained of blood and suspects it is something more. REVIEW: I would much¬†rather deal with¬†the incompetence of a motion picture than that of say, a health care professional.¬† The same could also … Continue reading

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Film Review: Dark Touch (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Niamh is the lone survivor of a bloody massacre after the furniture and objects in her family‚Äôs isolated house take on a monstrous life of their own. The police ignore her wild stories and the family friends and social worker that take her in try to introduce a new life. But in this psychological thriller, Niamh is unable to leave her violent past behind her, endangering everyone who crosses her path REVIEW: Upon reading … Continue reading

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Film Review: Self Storage (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: The friends of a night watchman, at a highly secured self storage facility, are home from college and looking to party. REVIEW: I’ve always maintained a soft spot for Eric Roberts.¬† From the onset of his career in forgotten classics¬†like “The Pope of Greenwich Village” and “Runaway Train,” he’s always possessed a gift for portraying amiable nuts.¬† Pushing sixty, Roberts seems to¬†be harder at work in the B-movie realm than ever before, his name … Continue reading

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Film Review: Unsolved (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: Fifteen years after an on campus murder, students re-open the case for a class and uncover a truth more horrifying and closer to home than they ever imagined. REVIEW: Murder mysteries are something of a hard sell.¬† These days, the standard “Whodunnit?” template is rarely utilized as more than a springboard for creative invention.¬† Both¬†2000’s “Memento” and “Brick” from 2005 are brilliant examples of where a mystery can artistically take us.¬† They also happen … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Bell Witch Haunting (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Based on true events. The Robertson County Sheriff’s Department has released footage found on the bodies of the Sawyer family’s cell phones and video cameras. What was first thought to be a murder-suicide is now believed to be the return of a centuries-old demon responsible for America’s most famous paranormal event REVIEW: Considering¬†the multitude of titles that have surfaced under the “found footage” moniker in recent years, a section dedicated solely to this unruly … Continue reading

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Film Review: Dead Souls (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Johnny Petrie learns on his 18th birthday that he was adopted after inheriting a farm in Maine. Eager to start a new life, Johnny leaves home so he can began afresh in this “new” dwelling. However, Johnny soon discovers that the farm, which has been abandoned for eighteen years since his natural family died, harbors a horrifying history about the deaths of said natural family. REVIEW: Making its debut nestled within the quagmire of … Continue reading

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Film Review: Sawney: Flesh Of Man (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Religious psychopath Sawney stalks Scotland abducting unholy souls for his communion of sacrifices. With his insane family of inbred killers they rape, torture and eat their victims saving the best morsels for a shadowy chained-up figure in their cavernous Highlands lair. As the Missing Persons list rises, investigative crime journalist Hamish MacDonald writes sensational and damming headlines against the police, due to their incompetence in handling the case. Frustrated police inspector Bill Munro is … Continue reading

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Film Review: Apocalypse Z (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A bacteriological weapon developed by the Us Government to create a super soldier – spreads an epidemic in a quiet little town in the middle of Eastern Europe. All citizens have been turned into infected zombies. The plan is to bring an atomic bomb into the city’s nuclear plant to pretend a terrible accident occurred. No one has to know the truth. A team of mercenaries is hired to complete the mission. The battle … Continue reading

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Film Review: 100 Bloody Acres (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: James is heading to a music festival in the bush with girlfriend Sophie and best mate Wes. He plans to propose to her this weekend, unaware (for the moment) that she and Wes have been screwing on the sly. When their car breaks down, friendly local and co-owner of a struggling blood and bone fertilizer business, Reg Morgan stops to offer a lift. But Reg is eyeing off a business opportunity here: he and … Continue reading

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Film Review: My Little Demon (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A young woman’s psychologist turns out to be the Devil and makes the woman an offer she can’t refuse. Murder an innocent person and her long deceased daughter will be returned to her, from Hell. REVIEW: Lucifer.¬† Beelzebub.¬† Old Scratch.¬† Regardless of the moniker uttered, everyone knows the Devil.¬† The original bad guy, Satan not only spans ages of literature, art and religious dogma, but has also made fodder of antagonists in every genre … Continue reading

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About Rob Getz

Rob Getz was born poor and ugly in rural Michigan to a horror fanatic father and an incredibly good sport of a mother. He and his younger siblings spent countless weekend evenings ushered off in their pajamas by their parents to a local drive-in movie theater, where they were assured to be completely unconscious before the opening credits of the second film were finished rolling. Rob vaguely recalls these blurred images launching such classics as Ridley Scott's "Alien" and "The Changeling" through drooping eyelids. As he became older, he took the initiative nobody else in the Getz household had the moxie nor the energy to attempt and learned how to program their antiquated V.C.R. to record heavily edited horror films from one of the four available channels. Without these nocturnal bootlegs, there would have been no youthful introduction to the likes of "Re-Animator" or "Eraserhead." Rob wanted to be a part of this twisted universe from those days forward, regardless of the role he played. The tiniest, most insignificant cog in a machine is truly happy if it adores the machine. Even a critic.