Author Archives: Rob Getz

Film Review: Dracula 3D (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: The tale begins with Jonathan Harker, journeying by train and carriage from England to Count Dracula’s crumbling, remote castle situated in the Carpathian Mountains on the border of Transylvania. The purpose of his mission is to catalogue the big library of Dracula. At first enticed by Dracula’s gracious manner, Harker soon discovers that he has become a prisoner in the castle. He also begins to see disquieting facets of Dracula’s nocturnal life. One night … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Reverend (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: A Reverend begins his first day at his new parish only to be bitten by a vampire. His faith is soon tested when his thirst for blood and an encounter with a prostitute gives him a thirst for justice. REVIEW: “I kick arse for the Lord!” Every time a film involves men of the cloth battling the forces of evil with a heady blend of faith and badassery, I’m reminded of that iconic moment … Continue reading

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Film Review: Antisocial (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Five university friends gather at a house party to ring in the New Year. Unbeknownst to them, an epidemic has erupted outside, causing outbreaks around the world. REVIEW: I’ve said it¬† before.¬† One would be damning 97% of all horror films in existence if a lack of original content alone was enough to warrant unfavorable judgement.¬† After all, there are so many other areas in which our beloved genre can royally muck things up.¬†¬† … Continue reading

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Film Review: Slaughter Daughter (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A former beauty queen plots the death of her overbearing mother with the help of her pen-pal, a serial killer on death row. REVIEW: The resurgence of exploitation cinema has been met with mixed emotions and certainly mixed reviews.¬† From Grindhouse releases to the lesser-known (and in this humble opinion, better) works of Richard Griffin and the wonky Canadian outfit Astron 6, it seems the midnight movie is back in full swing.¬† The true … Continue reading

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Film Review: Hello Herman (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Set in the not so distant future, in Any Town USA, sixteen year old Herman Howards makes a fateful decision. He enters his suburban school and kills thirty nine students, two teachers, and a police officer. Just before his arrest he emails his idol, famous journalist Lax Morales, sending him clips of the shootings captured with Herman’s own digital camera. In the clips Herman tells Lax, “I want to tell my story on your … Continue reading

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Film Review: Ritual (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: After receiving a distressed phone call, a man arrives at a seedy highway motel to find that his estranged wife has killed a stranger who is connected to a dangerous cult. REVIEW: A man.¬† A woman.¬† A seedy motel room.¬† A dead body.¬† This scenario has launched so many entertainments throughout the years, it’s hard to imagine where it originated.¬† Was it born within the pulp fiction pages of the early twentieth century, or … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Crone (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: The Crone is part of a Japanese horror project which also includes Norio Tsuruta’s Talk to the Dead and Koji Shiraishi’s Cult. Ayane, Nanami, and Mayuko are members of a new 3-member idol group called “Jersey Girl”. One day they’re invited to appear on a television show about the paranormal where they’ll visit an abandoned nursing home in the mountains to see which one of them is the bravest and document their experiences. However, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Children of a Darker Dawn (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: The world has been devastated by a virus that has decimated the adult population leaving small children and teenagers to roam the scarred landscape attempting to form some kind of society with dramatic and violent results REVIEW: Artful horror is rarely ever uplifting material.¬† Jim Mickle’s “We Are What We Are” and Jeremy Gardner’s “The Battery” were the two most beautifully rendered films I’ve had the pleasure of reviewing this past year, but both … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Last Days on Mars (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A group of astronaut explorers succumb one by one to a mysterious and terrifying force while collecting specimens on Mars. REVIEW: Our little red neighbor residing just over the fence at 34 million miles away has been poorly represented in film since Arnold saved the mutants in 1990′s “Total Recall.”¬† Even denying the pointless remake’s existence, you’re still left with garbage.¬† At least the Val Kilmer bomb “Red Planet” and Carpenter’s unintended comedy “Ghosts … Continue reading

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Film Review: Lizzie Borden’s Revenge (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: A group of sorority girls are having a slumber party at their house. One of the new sorority girls is Leslie Borden, a descendant of the infamous Lizzie Borden family REVIEW: Never before has the query “What the hell did my editor get me into?” raced to the forefront of my thoughts so quickly as during the initial seconds of “Lizzie Borden’s Revenge.”¬† A logo that looks like its most recent upgrade occurred sometime … Continue reading

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Film Review: Haunted (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: If you Like “GHOST” reality shows, you should get a kick out of this one… REALM OF HORRORDare you venture into the most haunted place in the world. A TV crew will film a paranormal investigation and obtain evidence that proves we are not alone. Something Evil awaits them! They will all discover the truth, that we are not alone. REVIEW: I have a deep, dark secret that I’m going to confess to the … Continue reading

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Film Review: Ghost Team One (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Two roommates deathly afraid of ghosts both fall in love with a girl who believes their home is haunted. REVIEW: There are those, who shall remain nameless because I don’t know any of them, that do not find the marriage of horror and comedy amusing.¬† Like red state Republicans opining on same sex relations, it just isn’t natural to them.¬† Though its influences stretch back to the dawn of moving pictures, it remains seated … Continue reading

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Film Review: We Are What We Are (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: The Parkers, a reclusive family who follow ancient customs, find their secret existence threatened as a torrential downpour moves into their area, forcing daughters Iris and Rose to assume responsibilities beyond those of a typical family REVIEW: Jim Mickle impresses more with each cinematic endeavor.¬† His first feature as a writer/director, “Mulberry Street,” made its debut in the 2007 After Dark Horrorfest lineup.¬† A tense and character-driven take on the standard zombie plague template, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Zodiac (2007)

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SYNOPSIS: A San Francisco cartoonist becomes an amateur detective obsessed with tracking down the Zodiac killer. REVIEW: We’ve all seen¬†the title card¬†before.¬† Looming ominously on the silver screen, rarely ever a harbinger of the latest feel-good romcom.¬† In fact, “Based on a true story” (or some interchangeable variation) is usually an indication that there will be murder afoot.¬† The guidelines for this bold declaration are basically nonexistent, as displayed by nearly every found footage flick.¬† … Continue reading

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Film Review: Wolf Creek (2005)

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SYNOPSIS: Based on a true story, three friends set out on a road trip to Broome, Australia. During a planned stop to the Wolf Creek Meteorite Crater, their entire trip takes a turn for the worst when they meet a local man who offers to help the group when they find their car broken down with no rest stop in sight. REVIEW:

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About Rob Getz

Rob Getz was born poor and ugly in rural Michigan to a horror fanatic father and an incredibly good sport of a mother. He and his younger siblings spent countless weekend evenings ushered off in their pajamas by their parents to a local drive-in movie theater, where they were assured to be completely unconscious before the opening credits of the second film were finished rolling. Rob vaguely recalls these blurred images launching such classics as Ridley Scott's "Alien" and "The Changeling" through drooping eyelids. As he became older, he took the initiative nobody else in the Getz household had the moxie nor the energy to attempt and learned how to program their antiquated V.C.R. to record heavily edited horror films from one of the four available channels. Without these nocturnal bootlegs, there would have been no youthful introduction to the likes of "Re-Animator" or "Eraserhead." Rob wanted to be a part of this twisted universe from those days forward, regardless of the role he played. The tiniest, most insignificant cog in a machine is truly happy if it adores the machine. Even a critic.