Author Archives: Rob Getz

Film Review: Play Hooky (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: Seniors play hooky from high school and get trapped in an abandoned Psychiatric Facility famous for hauntings, witchcraft and demonic possession. REVIEW: Stop me if you’ve heard this one. A group of mildly attractive teens ditches class to drink some booze and smoke a bit of the wacky weed. Their party pad plans fall through, and the remaining option for a locale is the abandoned mental institution on the outskirts of town. The festivities … Continue reading

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Film Review: Lucifer’s Night (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: Seven years ago, a man convinced Lucifer was within him brutally murdered his wife and child. Now, Eric and Hayley move into the same house after years of being left unsold on the market. They think they got a good deal with the house, a bargain in fact. But what they don’t know is that evil still lurks within the house and is awaiting more souls to take.

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Film Review: Grave Halloween (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Suicide forest is just a name – isn’t it? Miko intends to find out, even if it means uncovering the sad truth about her mothers suicide REVIEW: Aokigahara, known as the Suicide Forest, lies at the northwest base of Mount Fuji in Japan. It historically boasts the country’s largest suicide rate (approximately 100 per year), and is credited by some sources with holding the number two slot worldwide. Not surprising, the area is rumored … Continue reading

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Film Review: Ghost TV (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A nasty, nasty comedy. A reality TV crew is making a programme, ‘Ghost TV’ about the haunted buildings that are the ruins of Seacliff Lunatic Asylum. As one might expect things do not go to plan. One of the crew is not very emotionally stable and when she discovers that she has been used callously by another crew member she snaps and runs off into the night, only to return with violent intent. REVIEW: … Continue reading

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Film Review: Honeymoon (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: A newlywed couple finds their lake-country honeymoon descend into chaos after Paul finds Bea wandering and disoriented in the middle of their first night. REVIEW: How well does one truly know a significant other?  Is the length of a courtship through engagement and the exchanging of vows an ample amount of time to base the remainder of one’s existence upon?  Worth noting in this discussion is the fact that most married couples, happy or … Continue reading

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Film Review: Breaking at the Edge (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A pregnant woman fears for her unborn child’s life if she doesn’t avenge a supernatural entity. REVIEW: Horror film makers are a slick bunch of operators, friends.  The trend of saddling the female lead with a vague mental illness not only throws the less wizened viewer an initial red herring, it justifies the “It’s all in your head” argument she’ll inevitably face.  Spoiler Alert: It’s never all in her head. Why is it always … Continue reading

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Film Review: 7500 (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: Passengers aboard a flight across the Pacific Ocean encounter a supernatural force. REVIEW: “Ghosts on a Plane.” Aware of only a vague plot synopsis before firing up our latest, it took about halfway in for that humorous alternate title to pop into my melon. Once there, it refused to leave. My apologies to anyone I’ve doomed to the same fate in viewing. Luckily, your enjoyment of “7500” (an even worse moniker, but I have … Continue reading

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Film Review: Find Me (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: Before boxes are unpacked in their new home, newlyweds Tim and Emily, find themselves playing a very creepy game of hide and seek with a vengeful spirit. REVIEW: It was only a matter of time, friends. Firstly, I’d like to get something off my chest that has been nagging at me for a year.  I didn’t find “The Conjuring” to be anything more than an expertly recycled collection of the same haunted house clichés … Continue reading

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Film Review: Backcountry (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: An urban couple go camping in the woods and find themselves lost in the territory of a predatory black bear. REVIEW: One of the most prevalent knock-off genres of “Jaws” since its release in 1975 has been the Killer Bear Flick.  Second only to Aquatic Creatures Eating Tourists, it was a natural progression that the likes of “Grizzly” and “Claws” would be hot on the classic’s heels, depicting the lumbering woodland mammals as fierce … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Battery (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: The personalities of two former baseball players clash as they traverse the rural back roads of a post-plague New England teeming with the undead. REVIEW: Glancing at past reviews, I fear I’ve grown a tad jaded towards zombie movies. Like Glenn Beck offering his personal opinions on an episode of “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” I may no longer lay claim to the one tentative thread of objectivity I had to begin with. In all honesty, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Lyle (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: A mother’s grief over the death of her toddler leads to horror. REVIEW: It may ruffle feathers, but I’ve never been able to get into “Rosemary’s Baby.”  Though I enjoy Ira Levin‘s novel and appreciate Roman Polanski’s artful interpretation (we’ll pretend this year’s made-for-television debacle never happened), that nagging sensation of being bored to tears still carries over from my first viewing as a child.  I’ve tried to fight it, friends.  Believe me, I’ve … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Bloody Indulgent (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: After killing the owner of a B-rated strip club, Burt, an indulgent vampire with a zest for life hides out (and dopes up) at an upscale drug den, until the strippers seeking revenge…and the zombies that come out of no where…all face off for a final showdown. REVIEW:

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Film Review: 6 Plots (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Everyone’s primal fears of death and how horribly it can play out in your own mind. REVIEW: Today’s teenagers are tech savvy as hell.  This may cause endless consternation and annoyance amongst adults who believe the expanding spectrum of technology has grown out of hand (it has) and human interaction is becoming more archaic and unnecessary with each passing day (it is), but chew on this, old timers:  Without the unconditional and obsessive love in which our … Continue reading

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Film Review: Halley (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Alberto forms an unusual friendship with Luly, the manager of the 24-hour gym where he works as a night guard. REVIEW: Despite a pallor that could be indicative of anything from drug addiction to poor diet, Alberto (Alberto Trujillo) is otherwise as innocuous as they come.  Speaking only when directly engaged and rarely looking up from under a drooped head, the few second glances he receives are those of mild fear and concern that … Continue reading

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Film Review: Proxy (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: The life of three parents who have all shared the loss of a child. Motives are not what they seem and sanity is in short supply in this thriller. REVIEW: One can only imagine the harrowing level of grief inflicted by the death of a child.  Morbidly, this tragic real life horror has historically served as fertile stomping grounds for motion picture melancholy.  Dramatic pieces have delved headlong into the deteriorating psyches of mourning parents … Continue reading

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Film Review: Deep in the Darkness (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: Dr. Michael Cayle thought leaving the chaotic lifestyle of New York City behind for the quiet, small town of Ashborough would bring his family closer together. Soon after arriving, however, he discovers the town’s deepest secret: a terrifying and controlling race of creatures that live amongst the darkness in the woods behind his home. REVIEW: In the bygone era of 2013, I reviewed a couple of Chiller Films originals, the products of that most … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Wrong House (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: An isolated house in the woods looks like an easy mark to a group of friends camping in the Maine wilderness. The thieves haul away several ounces of pot and hallucinogenic mushrooms in the heist. But when the homeowners track them down, the thieves learn too late that there are some people you just shouldn’t mess with… and that they picked The Wrong House. REVIEW:

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Film Review: No Vacancy (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Seven friends on a road trip to Las Vegas break down near a rest-stop motel, where they encounter a seemingly helpful group of people. Convinced to stay overnight, the friends wake up in their rooms to a gruesome and bloody terror. REVIEW:

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Film Review: The Zombinator (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: A fashion blogger documentary turns into a Zombie horror nightmare when Youngstown Ohio college students come face to face with the undead. Their only hope of survival is a former soldier turned zombie killer trying to protect them from a mercenary working for an evil corporation who developed the serum that causes zombie-ism. REVIEW: There is only so much one can expect from a low-budget horror outing entitled “The Zombinator.”  The initial impression I … Continue reading

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Film Review: Return to Nuke ‘Em High Volume 1 (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Return to the Class of Nuke ‘Em High follows a young couple that are up against the school glee club. Unfortunately, the glee club has mutated into a gang called The Cretins. When the other students begin to undergo mutations, our couple must solve the mystery and save Tromaville High School. REVIEW: By the time the 1980s were reaching the back nine, the shine was starting to wear off the slasher template for us Getz … Continue reading

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Film Review: Armistice (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A Royal Marine awakens to find himself imprisoned and forced to fight to the death against inhuman opponents again and again. REVIEW: War is Hell.  For yours truly, being fortunate enough to never have encountered firsthand what the term “war” encompasses, it took merely my 8th grade English required reading list to bring to light that it isn’t all justified murder and a hero’s welcome home.  The book was Dalton Trumbo’s Johnny Got His … Continue reading

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About Rob Getz

Rob Getz was born poor and ugly in rural Michigan to a horror fanatic father and an incredibly good sport of a mother. He and his younger siblings spent countless weekend evenings ushered off in their pajamas by their parents to a local drive-in movie theater, where they were assured to be completely unconscious before the opening credits of the second film were finished rolling. Rob vaguely recalls these blurred images launching such classics as Ridley Scott's "Alien" and "The Changeling" through drooping eyelids. As he became older, he took the initiative nobody else in the Getz household had the moxie nor the energy to attempt and learned how to program their antiquated V.C.R. to record heavily edited horror films from one of the four available channels. Without these nocturnal bootlegs, there would have been no youthful introduction to the likes of "Re-Animator" or "Eraserhead." Rob wanted to be a part of this twisted universe from those days forward, regardless of the role he played. The tiniest, most insignificant cog in a machine is truly happy if it adores the machine. Even a critic.