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Rob Getz

Rob Getz was born poor and ugly in rural Michigan to a horror fanatic father and an incredibly good sport of a mother. He and his younger siblings spent countless weekend evenings ushered off in their pajamas by their parents to a local drive-in movie theater, where they were assured to be completely unconscious before the opening credits of the second film were finished rolling. Rob vaguely recalls these blurred images launching such classics as Ridley Scott's "Alien" and "The Changeling" through drooping eyelids. As he became older, he took the initiative nobody else in the Getz household had the moxie nor the energy to attempt and learned how to program their antiquated V.C.R. to record heavily edited horror films from one of the four available channels. Without these nocturnal bootlegs, there would have been no youthful introduction to the likes of "Re-Animator" or "Eraserhead." Rob wanted to be a part of this twisted universe from those days forward, regardless of the role he played. The tiniest, most insignificant cog in a machine is truly happy if it adores the machine. Even a critic.

Film Review: Last Kind Words (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: 17-year-old Eli has just moved with his family deep into the backwoods of Kentucky to work on the isolated farm of a local recluse. Inexplicably drawn into the strange forest that lies beyond the farm, Eli encounters the beautiful, sweet and mysterious Amanda, seemingly the perfect girl. But with the discovery of decaying bodies hanging from the trees, he …

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Film Review: The Serpent and the Rainbow (1988)

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SYNOPSIS: An anthropologist goes to Haiti after hearing rumors about a drug used by black magic practitioners to turn people into zombies. REVIEW: Wade Davis, a Harvard-educated anthropologist, traveled to Haiti in the early eighties to research the Vodou religion and its practices.  His specific focus was concentrated on zombies, and the assortment of ingredients utilized in creating the poisonous powder that transforms a …

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Film Review: House Hunting (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Two families go to an open house and can’t leave. REVIEW: Orchestrating an effective haunted house movie is a tricky egg to crack.  Singular focus on atmosphere could lead to a rather tedious experience, as displayed by the classics “The Amityville Horror” and “The Haunting of Hill House.”  On the flip side, concentration aimed in the singular direction of special …

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Film Review: The Thing on the Doorstep (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: A psychological horror film based on the short story by H.P. Lovecraft. Daniel Upton’s relationship with his friend Edward Derby is abruptly changed after Edward becomes romantically involved with Asenath Waite, a hypnotist with an odd reputation. As Edward’s behavior becomes more erratic and events unexplainable, Daniel investigates. Is it madness…or something far more terrifying? REVIEW: Originally published in …

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Film Review: Biker Zombies From Detroit (2001)

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SYNOPSIS: Bad Bikers, Killer Zombies, & Hard Rock! REVIEW: It’s an exciting prospect, to view a film from your neck of the woods when your particular neck isn’t a common stomping ground for motion pictures.  Thumbing its nose contrarily at its own title, “‘Biker Zombies From Detroit” (“BZFD” until the final paragraph) is set in the suburb of Grosse Pointe, yet shot in every surrounding …

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Film Review: Hypothermia (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: Ray Pelletier just wants to spend a pleasant and relaxing weekend ice fishing with his family. Alas, Ray’s plans are ruined by the unwanted presence of the obnoxious big city father and son duo of Steve Cote and Stevie Jr. However, the two squabbling families are forced to set aside their differences and work together after a vicious monster …

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Film Review: Haunted (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: If you Like “GHOST” reality shows, you should get a kick out of this one… REALM OF HORRORDare you venture into the most haunted place in the world. A TV crew will film a paranormal investigation and obtain evidence that proves we are not alone. Something Evil awaits them! They will all discover the truth, that we are not …

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Film Review: The Taking (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Two strangers must discover a way to escape a sinister family who wishes to sacrifice their souls to an evil presence. REVIEW: Allow me to make myself perfectly clear here.  I love existentialism in film.  From the roots of Bergman, Godard and Kurosawa up to the contemporaries, I can’t get enough of this crap.  Considering some of the stinkers I’ve had to …

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Film Review: Purgatorium (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: In this Twilight Zone-esque thriller by director Travis B. Miller, five strangers awake in an abandon two-story house with a few unanswered questions racing through their minds. Who are they? Where are they? Why are they there? They soon discover that the obvious answers are not always the right ones. With nerves stretched thin, and time closing in, those …

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Film Review: Kill For Me (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Two roommates with abusive men in their pasts consider murder as an option to help settle each others problems. REVIEW: Certain motion pictures evoke a creeping sensation, beginning with the faint whisper of a mischievous spirit in my ear that escalates to a cacophony of wailing banshees far too boisterous to be ignored.  No, I’m not speaking of that rational inner …

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Film Review: Backcountry (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: An urban couple go camping in the woods and find themselves lost in the territory of a predatory black bear. REVIEW: One of the most prevalent knock-off genres of “Jaws” since its release in 1975 has been the Killer Bear Flick.  Second only to Aquatic Creatures Eating Tourists, it was a natural progression that the likes of “Grizzly” and …

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Film Review: Ooga Booga (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: Ooga Booga follows an innocent African American boy who is brutally murdered by dirty cops, but his soul is magically transferred into an action figure named Ooga Booga. With on his tribal spear and old girlfriend to help he takes to the streets and trailer parks to find the men that ended his once bright future. REVIEW: I’ve always …

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Film Review: Phobia (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: In 1885, a female doctor helping a group of people with their phobias becomes embroiled in a murder mystery surrounding a patient that may or may not be a vampire. REVIEW: Remember when vampires were feared more than fantasized about?  Though the resurgence of our fanged friends has been a welcome one amidst the relentless onslaught of zombies, slashers …

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Film Review: Overtime (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Raph and Max only kill bad guys, and only after their boss Sam, a high-powered attorney, has cashed a nice paycheck for getting her sleazy clients off the hook. When Sam sends our heroes on a routine hit, they find themselves caught up in a conspiracy they never imagined. But whatever trouble they’ve gotten themselves into is nothing compared …

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Film Review: Toxin (2015)

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SYNOPSIS: A pharmaceutical company recruits a well-known scientist to help develop a vaccine against a deadly virus. REVIEW: If reality truly did imitate art, our wacky governments would be precariously on the cusp of unleashing Armageddon upon the world with clandestine experiments in biological warfare. Life as we know it could be a well-intentioned animal rights group (“28 Days Later”) …

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Film Review: Foreclosure (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: The story of a broken family striving to stay together while a curse and the ghosts of a haunted house try to tear them apart. REVIEW: Haunted houses are the new zombies. Though there remains no foreseeable shortage of the undead baddies gracing our screens anytime soon, isolated homesteads with dark histories are as abundant now as they were …

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Film Review: Malignant (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: After the death of his wife, a grieving man becomes the victim of a horrific experiment to cure his addiction. REVIEW: There are few cinematic sins that frustrate more than a lapse in logic that is never overcome nor even confronted. Though such thematic flaws are often ignored when the film in question is garbage, they can torpedo an …

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