Author Archives: Monster Matt

12 Bad Jokes About Daybreakers

Daybreakers (2009), is a vampire film noir hybrid, with a futuristic vein (see what I did there?), starring Ethan Hawke, Sam Neil and Willem Dafoe. It is directed by the Spierig brothers, Michael and Peter. The film is about a human blood shortage affecting the vampires and the struggle to find a suitable replacement. It’s quite stylish and entertaining. So there’s… wait. I think…yes, there will be…Mwhuhuhuhahahahaha! 1) The film’s opening sequence, had a vampire … Continue reading

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Book Review: Movie Monsters – Author Alan Orms


MOVIE MONSTERS Writtenby Alan Ormsby Published byScholastic Publication Date: 1975 Format: B&W – 166 Pages Price: out of print Hello Maniacs! In the Horror entertainment field, you are always looking ahead. You’ve got to keep a finger on the pulse of things to come.But, here in the Vintage Zone, we pause, and look back at treasures that will tickle your “vintage bone”. Everything from books to toys, will be discussed here. Each has a certain … Continue reading


12 Bad Jokes About Troll Hunter

Troll Hunter (2010) is directed by Andre Ovredal and is the story of a university students filming the exploits of a man named Otto, who is involved in a clandestine government group. The group secretly protects the people of Norway, from giant Trolls . You know what ? I feel like investigating something myself .Let ‘ s see if we can put together a gigantic group of bad jokes! How about … 12 Bad Jokes … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About ‘Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark’

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (2010), is directed by Troy Nixey and written by Guillermo Del Toro. It is a remake of a 1973″ made for television” movie, of the same name. A girl, a house, and tiny creatures that want your teeth! Well, why don’t we take a look at this film in the way, that only we can! Yes, that’s right! Let’s chew up 12 Bad Jokes About: Don’t Be Afraid of … Continue reading

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Book Review: Monster Book and Record Sets (Power Records)


Today in the vintage zone, were going to explore some very tasty monster book&record sets. So, let’s not waste any time, and get right into it! Imagine you are holding what appears to be a comicbook. It is, and yet so much more. . . Peter Pan Records, had been producing childrens records since the 1950’s. Their division, called Power Records, had gotten licensing to make comicbook stories. Both Marvel, and DC Comics were involved. … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About ‘Children of the Corn’

Children of the Corn was released in 1984. It is directed by Fritz Kiersch and based on a short story by Stephen King, about a group of children that follow some type of force in the cornfields.The force tells them through Isaac, to kill the town’s adult population. I almost thought I was related to the corn kid followers, with my bad jokes and such.But, Isaac put a stop to that! Oh well, I think … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About: The Final Destination Franchise

Final Destination 5 (2011), is directed by Steven Quale.This is the latest installment of the F.D.franchise.Quale, along with previous directors James Wong, David R.Ellis (two F.D. films each), brings an interesting idea to the screen. Premonitions of death and cheating death itself, are the common threads.Tony Todd takes another turn in his reoccurring role.The uncommon thread, is the one we will weave with today.I’m talking about: 1) These people escaped disaster and death, because of … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About: Insidious


Insidious (2011), is a delightful haunting/possession film directed by James Wan. It’s a film about a family and their attempts to prevent the suddenly comatose son, from being possessed by spirits from a realm called “The Further”. You don’t think that we could conjur up some badjokes about this film, do you?! In fact I feel that I “possess” the tools and “spirit”, to “further” us along to: 12 Bad Jokes About :Insidious 1) When … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About: ‘Let The Right One In’


“Let The Right One In” (2008) , is a Swedish horror/fantasy/romance film directed by Tomas Alfredson. It’s centered around a boy named Oskar, who is a target for bullies, and his peculiar, 12 year old friend Eli. What Oskar does not not know about Eli, is that she is a 200 year old Vampire. Her father is a serial killer, who provides Eli with blood, so she won’t have to kill. Now there’s a parent … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’


Well, Maniacs! Since we are in the beginning of July, I thought we could have some fun with a summer inspired horror film.So… “I Know What You Did Last Summer”, was released in theaters, in 1997.Directed by Jim Gillespie, it had a cast of popular, up and coming actors and actresses, and centers around a group of teens who have a hit & run accident.They dump the victim in the water. The following year, they … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl

Vampire Girl vs.Frankenstein Girl (2009) , is an over the top gore filled, fun-fest, directed by Yoshihiro Nishimura and Naoyuki Tomomatsu.The film has a love triangle, between Vampire Girl(Monami) , Frankenstein Girl(Keiko) and Mizushima. Throw in some satirical content about “the wrist-cutting society”, some do-wop songs, and buckets and buckets of spraying blood, I must, nay-have to take a bite out of this film with… 12 Bad Jokes About: Vampire Girl vs Frankenstein Girl 1) … Continue reading


Book Review: Monster Gallery Coloring Book


THE MONSTER GALLERY COLORING BOOK Copyright 1973,Trubadour Press. Reprinted in1980 by Starstream Products with permission. Text by Leah Waskey Illustrated by Mark Savee Well, Maniacs! Let me welcome you to the Vintage Zone at¬† I’m sure that some of you are wondering “Monstermatt, a¬†coloring book? Come on,you can’t be serious?!” Of Corpse , I am! It’s true.I’m going to share with you one¬†of the¬†ghoulest coloring books that there ever was! Come with me to the … Continue reading


12 Bad Jokes About ‘Rubber’

12 Bad Jokes About ‘Rubber’ “Rubber”(2010) is a horror film directed by Quentin Dupieux. The very unique villain Robert is a self aware tire.Robert has telekinetic powers.Although being a tire you could say he has “tele-pneumatic” powers. He’s on the rampage against a small desert town.Bringing interesting ways of getting his “steel belted” points across! Is it “bias” that makes him “ply” his anger?You’ll have to see the film to find out! ! Until you … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About ‘My Bloody Valentine’

“My Bloody Valentine” was originally released in 1981, and directed by George Mihalka.It was remade in 3D, and directed by Patrick Lussier, in 2009. Either version will get your blood pumping!The basic story is about miners who got trapped on the eve of the town’s Valentine’s Day dance.One of them resorted to cannibalism to survive, and went on a killing spree, years later after threats to the town, to not celebrate Valentine’s Day.The killer miner, … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About: Black Swan

12 Bad Jokes About:Black Swan “Black Swan” is a drama/thriller movie starring Natalie Portman, and directed by Darren Aronofsky. In it, Natalie Portman’s character lands the lead role in the ballet, “Swan Lake”. From that point,it’s a downward spiral into madness. I’ll bet you didn’t think ballet could be this fun, did you?! Well, let’s break out our leotards,and tutus, have a pirouette or two, as we tell: 1) What film do you get,by crossing … Continue reading


12 Jokes about Christmas themed horror

Ho! Ho! Horror! It’s the holiday season,and there are horror films firmly in the spirit and theme of Christmas! Some even have remakes or sequels? Yes it’s true (shudder!). Check out these titles: Silent Night,Deadly Night. Black Christmas. Christmas Evil. Santa’s Slay. Don’t Open ‘Till Christmas. Gremlins. Santa Klaws. To All a Good Night. Jack Frost. Rare Exports:A Christmas Tale. As you can see, there’s a fairly decent amount to choose from, and poke fun … Continue reading


12 Bad Jokes About ‘My Soul To Take 3D’

“My Soul To Take 3D“, is the new Wes Craven horror film, about a serial killer coming back to terrorize teens that share the same birthday. Plus, the birthdays are the date the killer was supposedly put to rest. I’m not sure,but I think I feel the need to write 12 Bad Jokes About: “My Soul To Take” Mwhuhuhahahah! 1) What Wes Craven film, has a hockey player arguing with a referee disallowing his goal? … Continue reading

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12 Bad Jokes About District 9

12 Bad Jokes About District 9 District 9, (2009), directed by Neill Blomkamp, is about a race of aliens living on earth.Unfortunately, they are forced to live in camps or slums.They are treated as a low life form.They get nicknamed “prawns”. The story gets a twist, when a government agent gets exposed to the prawns technology.The way he has to deal with what comes next.(I’m not giving any spoilers). The beautiful thing about this movie, … Continue reading

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12 The Last Exorcism Jokes

The Last Excorcism, is about a minister reluctantly performing a spirit removal, or excorcism, in front of a film documentary crew. It’s directed by Daniel Stamm, and produced by Eli Roth, among others. 1. What did the minister do , when his subject was possesed by the spirit of Charles Atlas? Performed his “Last Flex-orcism”! 2. What do you call a procedure to remove the spirit of an Ogre, one final time? The “Last Shreks-orcism”! … Continue reading

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12 Pirahna 3D Jokes

Piranha3D is directed by Alexandre Aja,and will be in theaters this summer(2010). It is the story of prehistoric man-eating fish,getting set free by an underwater earthquake/tremor. A feeding frenzy is to follow, as the little things tear up some springbreakers on a lovely beach! It stars Elizabeth Shue, Eli Roth, Ving Rhames, Christopher Lloyd, Richard Dreyfuss, and more… Let’s test the treacherous waters,with: 12 Bad jokes about Piranha3D!!!!

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12 Dead Snow Jokes!

The 2009 Norwegian horror/comedy film, Dead Snow, or Dod Sno, is directed by Tommy Wirkola.It centers on med students spending their spring break on a ski trip, in a cabin. What they don’t know, is they are about to be attacked by Nazi Zombies! (It could happen)… I love snow! I love Zombies! Heck, I love movies that vilify Nazis! Let’s get out our sleds, and go downhill with:

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