Author Archives: Melissa Voelker

Film Review: Witchcraft (1989)

Witchcraft_(1989)

SYNOPSIS: A new mother and her child move into her mother-in-law’s dark old mansion. She soon begns to suspect that neither the house nor her mother-in-law are quite what they seem to be.

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Film Review: Elevator (2011)

Elevator-2011-movie

SYNOPSIS: Racism collides with corporate greed when nine strangers are trapped in a Wall Street elevator, and one of them has a bomb. They will do anything to survive. REVIEW: Little kids suck. I’m sure that isn’t a popular opinion, but after watching this film I dare anyone to argue with me. The lady with the bomb and the racist comedian and the millionaire bastard are just red herrings. The Big Bad of this film … Continue reading

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Film Review: Edge of Sanity (1989)

Edge-of-Sanity-1989-Movie-Perkins-2

SYNOPSIS: When Henry Jekyll’s experiments with cocaine have gotten out of control, he transforms into the hideous Jack Hyde. As Hyde he searches the London streets at night for his prey in whorehouses and opium dens. The police can’t catch him, he has nothing to lose but his mind…(IMDB) REVIEW: I am a big fan of fanfiction, especially crossover stories where characters from one fandom are thrown into the universe of another fandom. But until … Continue reading

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Film Review: Toxic Zombies (1980)

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SYNOPSIS: After drug crops are sprayed with a chemical by a passing airplane, the growers of the crop are poisoned by the chemical and turn into zombie-like mutants. REVIEW: It is amazing to me how much the events of the last few months have changed how I look at zombie movies. Take Toxic Zombies (otherwise known as Bloodeaters) for instance. This was not a great zombie movie. Heck, it wasn’t even an okay zombie movie. … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Watermen (2011)

watermen

SYNOPSIS: A clan of watermen capture a crew of sport fishermen who must then fight for their lives. REVIEW: As far as horror sub-genres go, I have never been particularly fond of torture p*rn. Oftentimes good story telling is neglected in favor or over-the-top gore and violence. While watching people get skinned alive is certainly cringe-worthy, I don’t think it is necessarily scary. And I want my horror movies to scare me. Hostel is a … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Inner Room (2011)

SYNOPSIS: While visiting a cabin with her husband, Julianne becomes disturbed with horrific visions which question her sanity. REVIEW: I just spent 15 minutes trying to decide if I could get away with my entire review saying only: This film is pointless. But that doesn’t seem fair. Not to the people that actually took the time to make this movie or the people interested in finding out whether it is worth watching. So I’ll soldier … Continue reading

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Book Review: Night Terrors II – Editors Theresa Dillon | Marc Ciccarone

night-terrors-ii

Blood Bound Books 2011, 235 pages, 28 stories Synopsis: Just when you thought it was safe to crawl back into bed … we’ve got a new set of terrors! If Night Terrors made you pray for dawn, Volume II will send you into total madness. Step inside the secret chambers of the Vatican and experience the dark side of the papal elections. Meet people only a mother could love, listen to the dead speak, and … Continue reading

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Film Review: Machete Joe (2010)

Machete Joe (2010)

SYNOPSIS: A group of out-of-work actors decide to take their careers into their own hands by shooting a low-budget horror film, about an urban myth. With only 15 days to shoot their unfinished script, at a remote castle in the desert, getting through the first night becomes a nightmare. As their egos begin to surface so do the dead bodies. REVIEW: In the form of a dialogue between me and my boyfriend/viewing partner – Me: … Continue reading

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Film Review: Urban Explorer (2011)

Urban Explorer (2011) Movie

SYNOPSIS: Anxious to explore the mysterious hidden world under metropolitan Berlin, an international group of four urban explorers hires a local guide, Kris, who leads them into the maze of escape tunnels and subterranean fortifications under the city. When their guide has a bad fall, two of the girls in the group frantically set off to seek help while Denis, the young American, stays behind. Armin, a former East German border guard suddenly appears from … Continue reading

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Film Review: By the Devil’s Hands (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: The 666 Killer kills 6 victims over 6 days, 6 ways to die…and, unfortunately, Jamie Anderson has been chosen as victim #6. REVIEW: Let us talk about the giant mess that was By the Devil’s Hands. Though honestly I’m a bit at a loss as to where to even start. There was just so MUCH that was wacky going on here. Perhaps I will begin with a brief letter to the production company (and … Continue reading

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Film Review: Grimm’s Snow White (2012)

Grimm's Snow White 2012

SYNOPSIS: When the King is killed by ferocious reptile beasts, his Queen takes control of the kingdom. She tries to kill her beautiful stepdaughter SNOW, but she escapes into the enchanted forest… REVIEW: What would the world be like without The Asylum? Those fabulous makers and distrubutors of such screen gems as Titanic II, 2010 Moby Dick, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, Transmorphers, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, The Terminators, and Snakes on a Train. Did … Continue reading

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Book Review: Home – Author Carson Buckingham

home

HOME Following the deaths of her mother and beloved aunt, Kate Kavanagh inherits the family homestead in the Irish enclave of Three Oaks, Conneticut; but once she moves in, Kate begins a gradual but terrifying biological transformation that is part of her inheritance, too; though not mentioned in the Will. With the help of a Rottweiler that’s more human than animal, a new friend whose farm stand is only open dusk to dawn, and the … Continue reading

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Film Review: Slugs – The Movie (1988)

slugs-themovie-1988-1

SYNOPSIS: It all began in a peaceful community, a place that had never known evil…until now. But 20 years ago in a stillness beneath the waters, something sinister happened and now its deadly spawn has been released, coming out from the depths into the light. First they got into the water system, now they’ll get into your system….how can they be stopped?

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Film Review: Donner Pass (2012)

donnerpass

SYNOPSIS: Donner Pass has a well-known and macabre history – the place where George Donner and his party got stuck in the winter of 1846 and were forced to resort to cannibalism to keep from starving. But what if it wasn’t just history? REVIEW: When this started I was all excited because it was a group of dirty old settlers up in the woods, in the snow, starving and freezing to death and trying to … Continue reading

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Film Review: Dolls (1987)

dolls

SYNOPSIS: A group of people stop by a mansion during a storm and discover two magical toy makers, and their haunted collection of dolls. REVIEW: Stop motion is a dying art form, so any time I can see a great old example of it I get pretty excited. I certainly wasn’t expecting to see it in Dolls, which, let’s be honest, from the premise sounds a little silly. Sure large collections of dolls can be … Continue reading

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