Author Archives: Lord Loren

Defining Crap – A look at Horror Movies – A fan perspective

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So the other night I cooked up a massive plate of buffalo wings and sat down for a sweet viewing of “Rabid Grannies”. Seemed like a pretty solid venture to me: A movie about two 80+ year old women who become possessed by demons and go on a MURDEROUS rampage. My kind of stuff! Right??  Well…maybe not. Even though this movie had all the hallmarks of stuff I get a lot of enjoyment from, somehow it just didn’t work … Continue reading

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The Bloody Brief – A Horror Comparison

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So today I am quite pleased to introduce a new feature here at The Bloody Blender called “The Bloody BRIEF”. Pretty catchy and original huh? “But Loren, what is The Bloody Brief? What’s it all about and why are you doing it? Have you seen Timecop?” For those who have been religiously following my column to date (all 1.7 of you) you are no doubt familiar with the fact that I like to BLAB about a group of … Continue reading

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Finding Quigley: An American Scream Queen

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A high school music teacher sticks around after class to tickle the ivories and sing a few tunes he learned in his youth.  His glory days are long gone but if he closes his eyes he relives just a little piece of them…in his head anyway. He was once just another guy that played in a band, but to his students he paints a very different picture.  To them he was a star. How would … Continue reading

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Horror Don’t Movies – An Overview of The Don’t Factor

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I know what a lot of you are going to think about me writing about “Don’t” movies: “WhatEVER dude…you ripped this idea off from the ‘Grindhouse’ trailer! Why don’t you try and be ORIGINAL for a change, and write about something that DOESNT SUCK douchebag!” To that I say: “WRONG!” My fascination for the “Don’t” movie actually stems back to the summer between my Junior and Senior years of High School. i.e. The summer of … Continue reading

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Film Review: Pigs (1972)

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SYNOPSIS: Driven permanently insane by her sexually abusive father, runaway Lynn (Toni Lawrence) hides out in a small town and lands a job at the local diner owned by creepy pig farmer Zambrini (Marc Lawrence). Zambrini (who feeds corpses to his pigs) takes a liking to man-hating Lynn, who has the habit of killing any man who puts the moves on her. With help from the hungry pigs, Zambrini and Lynn neatly dispose of her … Continue reading

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Film Review: Thinner (1996)

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  SYNOPSIS: Obese attorney Billy Halleck (Robert John Burke) accidentally runs over a gypsy woman with his car. When his police cronies and the judge help Halleck cover up the incident, the victim’s father, Tadzu Lempke (Michael Constantine), puts a carb-conscious curse on his daughter’s killer. Before long, hefty Halleck is dropping an incredible 40 pounds a week, and his only hope of survival lies in Tadzu’s hands. Based on Stephen King’s best-seller. REVIEW: Stephen … Continue reading

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Bloody Blender: Zombies VS Demons

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Oh hey there hot chixxx and sweet dudes I am quite comfortable at this stage of my life telling you that my favorite horror sub-genre is the zombie film. Killer aliens on spaceships are probably a close second, but I go through long stretches where all I’ll watch is zombie-horror.  Now, I’m sure there’s some psycho-analyst out there who can spout on and on about the flesh-eating subtext, but I assure you it’s not the cannibalistic … Continue reading

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Film Review: Jason X (2001)

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SYNOPSIS: It’s 2455 A.D., and Earth is a contaminated planet that’s been abandoned for centuries. In the remains of a research facility, a visiting archaeology class discovers two frozen ancestors — a beautiful woman and a rotted corpse wearing a strange mask. When they transport the carcasses back to their space lab and the ice melts, Jason is revived … and ready to unleash a new kind of hell on the future. REVIEW: You know … Continue reading

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Comic Con 2009

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Oh hey there Wizards, Goblins, and Damsels Even though I am a lifelong lover of all things con-worthy, I am very new to the whole “fest” and “con” thing. Till now I’ve elected to geek out in the privacy of my own home. Hard to say why really given I live for this stuff. Part of it is that for some bizarre reason I always had the perception that no one else in the universe could possibly like … Continue reading

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