Home | Joel Harley

Joel Harley

Lunatic, lover, poet.

Obsessed fan of everything horror, Batman and Queen (the band). Lover of Lovecraft, passionate writer, heavy drinker and idiot.

Film Review: Touch of Death (1988)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: Getting bored with the dating game and racking up a series of hefty gambling debts, a slobby middle-aged man begins murdering women then stealing their money and valuables afterwards. But Lester Parson is no average murderous thief – he takes great pleasure in his imaginative acts of violence, gruesomely bludgeoning his victims to death or casually …

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Film Review: Tears of Kali (2004)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: A trilogy of terrible tales, all relating to a mysterious Indian cult and the repercussions of their teachings upon our modern world. The sinister Taylor-Eriksson group may not have the greatest of cult name (no, they can’t top up your bloody phone!) but their Gods are just as scary as any Cthulu fanatics or Scientology fiends. …

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Film Review: Gore Whore (1994)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: A lab assistant steals a very important secret formula from her boss. The miffed doctor hires a down-on-his-luck PI (nice hair though) to hunt down and find the assistant and his formula. Complications arise when it becomes evident that the girl is actually a resurrected hooker who needs a constant supply of blood to stay alive. …

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Film Review: Emanuelle in America (1977)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: Fearless journalist and fashion photographer Emanuelle takes America, amongst other things. In a globetrotting journey which covers as much ground as your average Bond movie, Emanuelle joins a harem, investigates a snuff filmmaker and takes her clothes off a lot, everywhere. REVIEW: The most infamous of the black Emanuelle movies (as opposed to the other one, …

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Film Review: Live Feed (2006)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: Holidaying in Japan, a group of ignorant youths decide to take a break from the constant drinking and partying to check out an underground P*rno theatre. When said cinema turns out to be a hangout and occasional hangout for a local gangsters’ mob, the youths find themselves in for the fight of their life. It’s all …

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Film Review: Snuff (1975)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: A cult leader named Satan runs amok during the summer of love, bullying his motorbike-riding hippy followers into murdering and torturing anyone who gets in their way. Then the director calls “cut” and the crew, to relax, murders one of the actresses. Or do they? No. But can we ever be sure of that? Yes, we …

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Film Review: Castle Freak (1995)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: A recovering alcoholic and his grieving wife and daughter inherit an enormous Italian castle left to them by his estranged mother. What she left out of the will is that they’ve also inherited the sexually frustrated monster living in the basement. There’s always a catch. REVIEW: It was while watching Castle Freak that I was struck …

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Film Review: Inquisition (1976)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: A Witch-Finder General (not that one) falls in love with a village beauty and suspected witch who, unbeknownst to him, has made a pact with Satan himself to seduce and eternally damn those who would kill off his servants. Vincent Price would never have fallen for that. REVIEW: “No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!” goes the old …

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Film Review: Back From The Dead (2001)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: During a spot of hypnotically induced past-life regression, dim-witted Corbet finds his inner cannibalistic psychopath awakened, and embarks upon a violent killing spree in which all manner of carnage is gleefully inflicted upon those around him. Plus a great many puerile sound effects as he does it. REVIEW: “A bit like Peter Jackson’s Braindead or Bad …

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Film Review: Goregasm (2007)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: A serial killer wearing assless chaps and a penis on his chin murders horny couples and masturbators, beating them to death with an enormous rubber phallus. Meanwhile, a pair of cops attempt to put a stop to his murderous antics and the workers at a local sex shop attempt to survive his wrath. REVIEW: Jason Matherne’s …

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Film Review: Funny Games (1997)

Rate This Movie SYNOPSIS: A very middle-class family retreat to their bourgeois lake house where they hope to unwind, play a little golf and spend some time together. Their idyllic day is interrupted when two softly-spoken psychopaths break in and take the family hostage. What do they want? To play some games. Not golf either. Nor particularly funny.

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