Home | Joel Harley

Joel Harley

Lunatic, lover, poet.

Obsessed fan of everything horror, Batman and Queen (the band). Lover of Lovecraft, passionate writer, heavy drinker and idiot.

Film Review: Tears of Kali (2004)

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SYNOPSIS: A trilogy of terrible tales, all relating to a mysterious Indian cult and the repercussions of their teachings upon our modern world. The sinister Taylor-Eriksson group may not have the greatest of cult name (no, they can’t top up your bloody phone!) but their Gods are just as scary as any Cthulu fanatics or Scientology fiends. Apart from maybe ...

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Film Review: Live Feed (2006)

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SYNOPSIS: Holidaying in Japan, a group of ignorant youths decide to take a break from the constant drinking and partying to check out an underground P*rno theatre. When said cinema turns out to be a hangout and occasional hangout for a local gangsters’ mob, the youths find themselves in for the fight of their life. It’s all fun and games, ...

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Film Review: Gore Whore (1994)

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SYNOPSIS: A lab assistant steals a very important secret formula from her boss. The miffed doctor hires a down-on-his-luck PI (nice hair though) to hunt down and find the assistant and his formula. Complications arise when it becomes evident that the girl is actually a resurrected hooker who needs a constant supply of blood to stay alive. Between the zombies ...

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Film Review: Snuff (1976)

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SYNOPSIS: A cult leader named Satan runs amok during the summer of love, bullying his motorbike-riding hippy followers into murdering and torturing anyone who gets in their way. Then the director calls “cut” and the crew, to relax, murders one of the actresses. Or do they? No. But can we ever be sure of that? Yes, we can. No actresses ...

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Film Review: Castle Freak (1995)

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SYNOPSIS: A recovering alcoholic and his grieving wife and daughter inherit an enormous Italian castle left to them by his estranged mother. What she left out of the will is that they’ve also inherited the sexually frustrated monster living in the basement. There’s always a catch. REVIEW: It was while watching Castle Freak that I was struck with a sudden ...

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Film Review: Emanuelle in America (1977)

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SYNOPSIS: Fearless journalist and fashion photographer Emanuelle takes America, amongst other things. In a globetrotting journey which covers as much ground as your average Bond movie, Emanuelle joins a harem, investigates a snuff filmmaker and takes her clothes off a lot, everywhere. REVIEW: The most infamous of the black Emanuelle movies (as opposed to the other one, spelled with two ...

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Film Review: Inquisition (1976)

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SYNOPSIS: A Witch-Finder General (not that one) falls in love with a village beauty and suspected witch who, unbeknownst to him, has made a pact with Satan himself to seduce and eternally damn those who would kill off his servants. Vincent Price would never have fallen for that. REVIEW: “No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!” goes the old Monty Python sketch. ...

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Film Review: Back From The Dead (2001)

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SYNOPSIS: During a spot of hypnotically induced past-life regression, dim-witted Corbet finds his inner cannibalistic psychopath awakened, and embarks upon a violent killing spree in which all manner of carnage is gleefully inflicted upon those around him. Plus a great many puerile sound effects as he does it. REVIEW: “A bit like Peter Jackson’s Braindead or Bad Taste” is how ...

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Film Review: Touch of Death (1988)

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SYNOPSIS: Getting bored with the dating game and racking up a series of hefty gambling debts, a slobby middle-aged man begins murdering women then stealing their money and valuables afterwards. But Lester Parson is no average murderous thief – he takes great pleasure in his imaginative acts of violence, gruesomely bludgeoning his victims to death or casually roasting their heads ...

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Film Review: Barricade (2007)

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SYNOPSIS: Camping in Germany, a group of friends encounter a tribe of violent cannibals in the woods. A lovely summer afternoon quickly turns into a fight for survival. Well what do you expect, camping in a place ominously known as The Black Forest? REVIEW: In a world in which we now have five Wrong Turn movies, seven Texas Chainsaw Massacres ...

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