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Film Review: Junk Bonds The Return of Junkbucket (2013)

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SYNOPSIS: A sequel to the underground hit, Junkbucket, Junk Bonds picks up a year later as Junkbucket has found himself a family of phallic cannibals to join him in his quest to castrate most of Western Washington. REVIEW: Every filmmaker has inspirations.  They watched movies that shaped them into the creative person that they are.  Many filmmakers pay tribute to …

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Film Review: Sick Sock Monsters From Outer Space (2015)

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SYNOPSIS: Genovese’s movie takes place in an unspecified year from the future. Captain Pixws and his crew of space pirate sock puppets are forced to delivery tanning beds to every corner of the universe as their star-ship travels through intergalactic space. REVIEW: Sometimes I get to watch movies that I can’t fully wrap my head around. They are so mind-bogglingly …

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Film Review: Hectic Knife (2016)

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SYNOPSIS: A put upon, knife wielding vigilante, Hectic Knife protects the city from scum, baddies and a new super villain bent on world domination, Piggly Doctor. REVIEW: Troma is a studio that finds unique and low budget movies, and brings them to the eyes of people who wouldn’t find them any other way. They release movies that play to the …

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Film Review: Vampires (1986)

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SYNOPSIS: The students at a private art school are unaware that the school’s headmistress is secretly using a machine to extract the life energy from young girls there. REVIEW: It takes effort for a movie to be completely and utterly forgettable. It has to be bad enough that the audience has no vested interest in what happens, but it can’t …

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Film Review: Lake Eerie (2016)

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SYNOPSIS: A young widow moves into an old house on Lake Erie to recover from the sudden loss of her husband; however, she soon discovers a dark secret and that she is not alone. REVIEW: There are watershed moments in adulthood that solidify how well you’ve done in life. One moment is when you buy a home. There are no …

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Film Review: The Crush (1993)

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SYNOPSIS: A journalist becomes the unwanted center of attention for a 14-year-old girl, who proceeds to sabotage his life after he refuses her sexual advances. REVIEW: I have a high tolerance for bad movies. It is hard to watch a movie and not find anything good in it. It is even tougher for a movie to be so overwhelmingly offensive …

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Film Review: Ghostline (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: Life takes a terrifying and unpredictable turn for Tyler & Chelsea when they begin to receive menacing phone calls from a seemingly unstable woman who insists that Tyler’s her ex-boyfriend. REVIEW: Trends come and go in the movie industry. A movie will come along and hit a note in audiences that makes it extremely popular. Other filmmakers use the …

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Film Review: Dead Sushi (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Keiko, the daughter of a legendary sushi chef, runs away from home when his Karate-style regimen becomes too severe. Finding work at a rural hot springs inn, she is ridiculed by the eccentric staff and guests. REVIEW: If you know anything about food, you know about sushi. The Japanese cuisine is made, typically, from rice and raw seafood. It …

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Film Review: The Horde (2016)

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SYNOPSIS: The film follows John Crenshaw as he accompanies his girlfriend and her students on a weekend nature-photography expedition deep into the woods. What should be an educational and fun-filled weekend turns into horror as the group is besieged by an unspeakable evil – a horde of hideously disfigured, mutated humans with an insatiable taste for blood. As things go …

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Film Review: Tabloid Vivant (2016)

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SYNOPSIS: A painter and an art critic who romanticize each other’s obsession with fame decide to collaborate on a project they believe will revolutionize the art world. They are determined to make a painting come to life, even if it kills them. REVIEW: Art is the backbone of our culture. People listen to music and podcasts, watch television and movies, …

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Film Review: Hard Line (2016)

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SYNOPSIS: Dead Rush is the end of the world as we know it, as seen through the eyes of one man – David (David Michael Moote), as he takes us through his journey: before, during and after the zombie apocalypse. REVIEW: There are always new ways to present films. As technology advances, filmmakers take advantage of these new means of …

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Film Review: Starve (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: While researching an urban legend on feral children, three friends find themselves trapped in an abandoned high school, where they are confronted with an evil more sinister than the legend itself. REVIEW: There’s a saying. It goes a little something like this. “You are what you eat.” This phrase is meant to get people to eat healthier. If you …

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Film Review: Rows (2015)

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SYNOPSIS: Rows is a psychological thriller, a Gothic fantasy inspired by Grimm’s tales. A young woman, Rose, is tasked by her developer father to deliver an eviction notice to a reclusive woman in a ramshackle farmhouse. The woman has strange powers, derived from the house itself. The enchantress puts Rose and her friend, Greta, under a spell. They become lost …

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Film Review: Death Becomes Her (1992)

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SYNOPSIS: When a woman learns of an immortality treatment, she sees it as a way to outdo her long-time rival. REVIEW: There are questions and themes that always seem to come up throughout the centuries of stories that exist. These concepts manage to capture the minds of audiences. They are intriguing in ways that keep them repeating throughout literature, film, …

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Film Review: Frogs (1972)

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SYNOPSIS: A group of hapless victims is invited to an island estate crawling with evil frogs. REVIEW: One of the most important things on Earth is nature. Without nature, we would have no chance of survival. We rely upon nature to live. As a species, we began as hunter-gatherers. We hunted the animals and gathered the plants. We breathe in …

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Film Review: Southbound (2015)

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SYNOPSIS: Five interlocking tales of terror follow the fates of a group of weary travellers who confront their worst nightmares – and darkest secrets – over one long night on a desolate stretch of desert highway. REVIEW: Anthologies are a hit and miss style. The use of multiple segments means that some of the stories will be better than others. …

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Film Review: Honky Holocaust (2014)

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SYNOPSIS: A few times each century, humanity dodges an apocalyptic bullet and in 1969 that bullet was Charles Manson. But in Honky Holocaust’s alternate universe, the Manson Family succeeds in igniting the apocalyptic race war and attempt to claim their ‘rightful’ place as the rulers of the world. The infamous cult instead finds that the outcome of Helter Skelter is …

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Film Review: Species III (2004)

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SYNOPSIS: Sara (Sunny Mabrey), the daughter of Eve (Natasha Henstridge) begins her mission to mate with humans, while a specialist military team hunt her down to kill her before its too late. REVIEW: Horror movies attempt to tap into the insecurity of viewers.  Outside forces like serial killers and supernatural beings that use a sense of helplessness to get to …

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Film Review: JeruZalem (2015)

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SYNOPSIS: When a couple of American young adults fly to Israel to visit the city of Jerusalem, a biblical nightmare falls upon the city REVIEW: With the film market being oversaturated with found footage and point-of-view horror movies, some sort of twist is becoming necessary in order to find an audience.  People aren’t interested in seeing the standard “person holding …

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Film Review: Home Video (2015)

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SYNOPSIS: A family who has recently moved to Mammoth Mountain, California, is being hunted by a mysterious force. REVIEW: It isn’t often that you watch a movie and realize that you have just seen one of the worst movies ever made.  When there are so many bad movies in the world, it no doubt becomes difficult to find the bottom …

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Film Review: E.N.D. The Movie (2015)

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SYNOPSIS: Day zero: When it all begins, in a funeral home. Day #1466: When the epidemic has already devoured the entire planet, set in a house in the woods. Day #2333: When the zombies have become something more than the monsters that we know, in a prison surrounded by post-apocalyptic scenarios. REVIEW: Zombies are all the rage.  The undead flesh …

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