Author Archives: Craig McGee

Film Review: Parasite (1982)

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SYNOPSIS: Paul Dean has created a deadly parasite that is now attached to his stomach. He and his female companion, Patricia Welles, must find away to destroy it while also trying to avoid Ricus and his rednecks and an evil government agent named Merchant. REVIEW: Written by: Alan J. Adler, Michael Shoob, Frank Levering Directed by: Charles Band Starring: Robert Glaudini, Demi Moore, Luca Bercovici, Tom Villard QUICK FIX: In a shoddy 3-D post-apocalyptic world … Continue reading

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Film Review: Live Animals (2008)

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SYNOPSIS: A ruthless entrepreneur targets young victims for his macabre business. Using an isolated horse barn, he sells his captives to the highest bidder. Five friends on a vacation at a lake house are brutally kidnapped and find themselves prisoners, awaiting the auction block. Rather than succumb to a soulless slave’s existence they chance death for freedom only to discover this twisted underworld reaches further than they imagine. REVIEW: Written & Directed by: Jeremy Benson … Continue reading

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Film Review: Black Forest (2012)

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SYNOPSIS: Tourists Trapped In an enchanted forest do battle with evil fairy tale creatures. REVIEW: Written by: Frank H. Woodward Directed by: Patrick Dinhut In a giddy, hammy, over-the-top performance that would rival 1960s William Shatner doing William Shakespeare, every year on the Midsummer’s Eve, local guide Ben Cross gleefully convinces unsuspecting tourists to take a lil trip to the countryside to see the gorgeous happenings at one particular node. But wouldn’t you know it, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Phantasm II (1988)

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SYNOPSIS: Mike, now released from a psychiatric hospital, continues his journey to stop the evil Tall Man from his grim work. REVIEW: Written & Directed by: Don Coscarelli Starring: Reggie Bannister, James LeGros, Angus Scrimm QUICK FIX: Ten years after the events in the first film, Mike is finally released from psychiatric care when (just like Charley Brewster in FRIGHT NIGHT 2) he agrees with his doc that all the wicked sh*t from the first … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Gruesome Death of Tommy Pistol (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: The Gruesome Death of Tommy Pistol follows the disappointing life of struggling actor Tommy P, who has turned his back on family and friends to pursue his dream of stardom and when he finally hits rock bottom, Tommy seeks solace in a penis pump and discovers that even in his dreams, he still fails miserably. What he doesn’t realize is that his whole life has been leading up to the moment when he awakes … Continue reading

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Film Review: Evil In the Time of Heroes (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: The prophecy speaks about the hero who will send the Evil to… Hell REVIEW: Written & Directed by: Yorgos Noussias Starring: Dinos Avgoustidis, Orfeas Avgoustidis, Hristos Biros, and Billy Zane QUICK FIX: Also known as KAKO 2 (because using Roman numerals for a Greek movie is probably considered rude in some cultures? I dunno) this flick picks up right where the first KAKO (EVIL) left off; the survivors meet up with another group of … Continue reading

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Film Review: Camel Spiders (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Based on actual creatures that for years have tormented our armed forces in the Middle East, these creatures have now invaded the southwestern deserts of the United States. The Camel Spiders now freely hunt for prey, unafraid of any predator – including man. No place is safe no one is beyond their paralyzing sting. In the end, a small band of hearty fighters are forced to make one last stand against the creatures REVIEW: … Continue reading

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Film Review: Blood Runs Cold (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Winona, a successful artist looking to get away from her stressful life. Her manager rents her a house in her home town where she runs in to an old boyfriend. They go back to the house, only to find out it is not as empty as they assumed. REVIEW: Written by: Sonny Laguna, David Liljeblad, Tommy Wiklund Directed by: Sonny Laguna Starring: Hanna Oldenburg, Patrick Saxe, Andreas Rylander, Elin Hugoson, Ralf Beck QUICK FIX: … Continue reading

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Film Review: Not Another B Movie (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: Just because you can make a movie, doesn’t mean you should… REVIEW: Written & Directed by: John Wesley Norton Starring: Byron Thames, Larry Thomas, James Vallo, Lindsay Gareth Stop me if you’ve heard this one – a writer, a director, and a producer walk into a bar. They have coffee and drinks during which time they haggle over script changes and the film is interspersed with a movie within a movie detailing the plot … Continue reading

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Film Review: Life Blood (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: New Year’s Eve, 1968: While driving on the Pearblossom Highway, a lesbian couple encounters the creator of the universe. Laid to rest for 40 years, the women wake up on New Year’s Day as reborn creatures. REVIEW: Written & Directed by: Ron Carlson Starring: Sophie Monk, Scout Taylor-Compton, Anya Lahiri, Patrick Renna, Charles Napier QUICK FIX: On New Year’s Eve 1968, lesbian lovers Brooke & Rhea go on the lam when one of them … Continue reading

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Film Review: Psycho Sleepover (2008)

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SYNOPSIS: A slumber party turns deadly, when a group of psychopaths escape from an asylum. REVIEW: Debbie is having a sh*tty week – her boyfriend of several months desperately wants a mouth hug, but she isn’t willing to go past the ever-popular Eskimo nose kissing. Most guys, even in high school, would just move onto the next chick, right? Debbie’s boyfriend gets down with his nerd self and dons a clown costume and tries to … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Shortcut (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: When Derek (Andrew Seeley) moves to a new town and discovers a shortcut through the woods to his high school, he learns about a crazy old man who lives near its path: Legend has it that he abducted a group of teenagers years ago. Ignoring the warning, Derek and his friends set out to uncover the dark secret that’s buried deep in the woods. But will they survive to tell it? Shannon Woodward and … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Thaw (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: When a team of ecology students assisting an environmentalist (Val Kilmer) in the Arctic uncovers the frozen body of a woolly mammoth, they unwittingly release a parasite in need of a new host — and, in the process, unleash a prehistoric terror. The ante is significantly upped when the parasite takes refuge inside the students’ warm-blooded bodies and leads the group to a heart-wrenching decision. REVIEW: Written by: Mark A. Lewis and Michael Lewis … Continue reading

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Film Review: Stan Helsing (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: When he makes a late-night movie delivery to a strange town on Halloween, video store counter jockey Stan Helsing (Steve Howey) finds himself hunted by a who’s who of slasher-film killers, including Freddy Krueger, Michael Myers and Leatherface. Now, Stan and his pals must use their knowledge of horror flicks to defeat the villains and hack their way to freedom. Bo Zenga directs this gleeful parody of classic horror movies. REVIEW: Written & Directed … Continue reading

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Film Review: Stupid Teenagers Must Die! (aka: Blood & Guts) (2006)

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SYNOPSIS: It’s the 1980’s and a group of teenagers are getting together to hold a sĂ©ance in a haunted house. All the typical 80’s horror movie characters are there: the cool hero, the innocent girlfriend, the goth chick, the tough guy, the beautiful blonde girl, the shy guy in love with the beautiful blonde girl, a couple of lipstick lesbians and two big geeks. In true low budget 80’s horror movie fashion, weird things start … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Cottage (2008)

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SYNOPSIS: When feuding brothers David (Andy Serkis) and Peter (Reece Shearsmith) abduct a young woman (Jennifer Ellison) and hole up in a remote rural cottage, their hostage quickly turns the tables on her captors. But soon, it’s all for one when they find that the deranged farmer next door is the real threat. Hellraiser’s Doug Bradley makes a cameo in this blood-drenched yet humor-laced terror treat from writer-director Paul Andrew Williams. REVIEW: Written & Directed … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Crazies (1973)

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SYNOPSIS: When a government plane laden with biological weapons crashes in a small Pennsylvania town in this George Romero film, its deadly cargo seeps into the water supply — and anyone who drinks the water becomes stark, raving mad. David (Will McMillan), a firefighter, and his wife, Judy (Lane Carroll), are two of a very few left unscathed. To save themselves, they and a few others attempt to escape … but for some of them, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Serial Amoral Uprising (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: Who is Trenton Bracks? Well, What’s there to say? Loyal and honest, he’s a credit to southern gentlemen. Pleasant, carefree, and highly refined. He’s got what it takes to be a model citizen. He’s got looks and charm, a real lady-killer. Trenton seems to have a good head on his shoulders, and one in his hands, and one in the basement. REVIEW: Written & Directed by: K.M. Jamison Starring: Christopher Howell, Kymberly Harris, Cole … Continue reading

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Film Review: Spare the Rod (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: When Allison is placed under house arrest she has no idea what awaits her. While awaiting her trial she encounters the spirit of a young girl named Karen who tries desperately to get Allison’s attention. As time passes she is forced to face her own demons never realizing that Karen is one of them. Will Allison live long enough to see her day in court or has her death sentence already been handed down. … Continue reading

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Film Review: Mega Piranha (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: A mutant strain of giant ferocious piranha escape from the Amazon and eat their way toward Florida. REVIEW:  Written & Directed by: Eric Forsberg Starring: Tiffany, Paul Logan, Barry Williams, David Labiosa  QUICK FIX: A mutant strain of viciously hungry, genetically-altered piranha escape from a super-secret, G-14 classified South American lab and go on a rampage all up and down the Orinoco River. As they keep munching on everything from cows to boats to us good human … Continue reading

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Film Review: Faces of Schlock (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: Four tales of terror: “Blood Witch”: A twisted Goth girl summons a murderous seventeenth century witch to exact gory revenge on anyone who crosses her path. “Mike Wuz Here”: Night shift workers at an old movie theater are terrorized by the ghost of a former employee who committed suicide in the building. “One Foot In The Grave”: When a beautiful young dancer loses one of her feet due to malpractice, she uses black magic … Continue reading

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