Author Archives: Chris Disario

The Brain Dead Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse

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Disclaimer: Result of death during Zombie Apocalypse after reading this guide may still occur. Author has no liability for reader’s safety. Hiking to the heights of Bear Brooke in the middle of the night, little Sammie and her boyfriend Joe are looking for a fun and interesting experience. Everything in this whole park is closed, not a human is in sight. But wait, Joe’s ears catch something low and baritone-like. “What was that?” He stopped … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Kraken

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Our quest is nigh complete, our vessel has captured a plentiful array of marine life, destined to become delicacies around the world at prices that will make my men and I rich. Who would think that this vast body of water would contain the key to eternal luxury and freedom from debt…” As you were writing in your personal journal your boat quaked. You placed your quill back in the ink-bottle and quickly placed your gun holster … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Headless Horseman

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Hooves pounding on cobblestone swiftly approach you as you cross the creaky bridge about to leave town to fetch wood. Your heart basically unearths itself from your chest, it is beating so hard. The legends cannot be true, you think to yourself. You are frozen, an icicle above a slow-trickling river, as if hung from a tree branch, which would slowly melt and cascade into the water. You felt as if you could collapse, but … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Siren

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Put yourself on the ocean, on a ship exploring and looking for a new land to settle on. The waves roughly chop against your boat. In the distance you can see dark clouds and lightning fluttering on the skyline. Gulls cry in the distance, but over their loud calls, a shimmering voice emanates loudly. It’s a woman, singing a song, and immediately your heart becomes filled with infatuation and wonder. All of life’s worries melt … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Jason (Friday the 13th)

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The relationship of mother and son is a very touching thing. Don’t get too close to your mother, however, the kids might start talking and calling you names. Sons that just so happen to be overprotected by their mothers are considered weak and vulnerable, which is reason that they will be picked on . In a few days from now a remake of an original horror film will be released. It will be opening in … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Big Foot

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Standing 8 feet tall and weighing well over 500 hundred pounds, with reported sightings all over the world in all 50 states and on every single continent, comes one of the most exciting monster to ever come out of a creature-feature. It is probably the most well-known of all crypto-zoology myths, with tales abundant around every corner of the earth. This creature has been named differently all over, and is most commonly known as Bigfoot … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Zombie

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A very historic event is upcoming and will change the world significantly. The people on this planet will suddenly get a new outlook, and everything will change drastically. If you think this is reference to the inauguration you are plum insane. In the near future a catastrophic event will occur to the earth, whether air born, animal born, or bred and nurtured in a laboratory. This disease will be the cure of all of life’s problems … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Scarecrow

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Imagine you’re walking with your friends on a cool Autumn evening. The breeze is crisp and leaves scatter and dance in front of your path as you travel. You guys decide to walk to the corn mazes up the road and see if you can find trouble. when you arrive you all see the silhouette of the cornfields’ infamous scarecrow. He had a creepy sack with eye holes carved in, as if it served a … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Medusa

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The youngest of the three Sisters, Medusa was also the most beautiful. She and Poseidon became romantically entangled, and they violated Athena’s palace. Other versions of this story show Poseidon raping Medusa or Medusa seducing Poseidon. When Athena finds out that they desecrated her temple, she transforms Medusa into a hideous monster, with living serpents for hair and the curse of turning anyone who looks at her into stone. No one would ever look at … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Frankenstein

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In the event of our birth, every single human being has the chance to meet our “creators” in a sense. Our parents at one point came together and decided (or maybe not) that we should be born. When we first open our eyes we look upon the face of our smiling parents, over adorned with joy looking at the beautiful being they made. However, none of us will ever get to meet our ultimate creator, and … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: The Boogeyman

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As human beings, we’ve all got at least one irrational fear that we’re not so proud of. Some of us are afraid of snakes, spiders and other creepy crawlers. Then there are those who have fear of the dark or the unknown. There is a significant group of people that hate to swim in open water or oceans. They think of their feet dangling down into the depths and something swimming by and grabbing them. This … Continue reading

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Creature profiles: Reaper

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You’re at a party, everyone’s having a great time. You and your friends are having way too much to drink, and that’s a good thing. You guys are young, you’re just at the right age to let loose and not care. There’s this foxy lady that you’re trying to hit on over by the would-be punch bowl when your buddy taps you on the shoulder. “Dude, this guy’s at your door and he really wants … Continue reading

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3 foreign horror films that do not need remade

This just in: America cannot and will not read subtitles. Ignorance is spreading from coast to coast, is there anything that can stop this epidemic? Have you ever heard of a remake of a film that was a made just a year after the original was released? Sounds pretty farfetched, but when it comes to Americans and their unwillingness to read, we get light-speed drive-thru service. Quick and speedy films completely re-done just to add … Continue reading

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