Author Archives: Bruce Kooken

Film Review: Outtake Reel (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: Thomas Grayson is a Horror Film director with principles. The schlock that’s passed off as horror films these days is an affront to his artistic sensibilities. A documentary filmmaker is shooting the behind the scenes footage of Grayson’s newest effort and is looking to make him see the merits of contemporary horror in his own way, but his efforts have dire consequences. REVIEW: Written by Scott Feinblatt ad Jeffry Chaffin Directed by Scott Feinblatt … Continue reading

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Film Review: Bloodrayne The Third Reich (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: Half-human, half vampire Rayne has been fighting the forces of evil for a century and a half. Now she faces the purest form of evil she has ever experienced in Hitler’s Nazi army. She has become the hunted now that an ambitious Nazi physician knows of her existence. He needs her blood to make Hitler immortal and extend the Third Reich’s reign of terror indefinitely. REVIEW:

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Film Review: Kentucky Fried Zombies (2009)

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SYNOPSIS: Serial killer Ken (Joshua Grote) has stopped by a diner in the middle of nowhere and takes to his trade of murder. He looks to continue his mayhem on any would-be diner customers but is interrupted by the corpses he has just put in the walk-in freezer. REVIEW: Written and directed by Patrick Horvath Starring: Maria Olsen, Jorge Montavo, Joshua Grote Best line: When Ken the killer is being devoured by zombies: “Aw c’mon! … Continue reading

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Film Review: Operation Nazi Zombies (2003)

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SYNOPSIS: An elite Special Forces unit, the likes of which “has never been formed in these Unites States”, is sent to a classified destination to clean up a biological problem resulting from classified U.S. experiments regarding awakening the dead. REVIEW: Written and directed by David B. Stewart III Starring: Thomas Reilly, Ellisa Mullen, Christopher Connolly Best example of botching a risk assessment: Head military dude: “Not all the specimens were contained…” Other military dude: “How … Continue reading

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Film Review: Meat Weed Madness (2006)

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SYNOPSIS: There is a magical plantation that lies in the not so Deep South called Meatweed Manor, where the farmers cultivate the most powerful ganja on the planet from human flesh. When smoked, this wacko tobacco drives men mad and women mad with lust. On one fateful day, four lovely Southern belles find themselves drawn to Meatweed Manor, where they must confront the evil minotaur Bullpucky, who is determined to smoke them one by one! … Continue reading

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Film Review: Grizzly Flats (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: A recluse and his wife are tormented by shadow creatures. REVIEW: Directed by Anthony Fankhauser Written by Anthony Fankhauser and Joe Benkis Starring: Judd Nelson, Danielle De Luca, Christian Maurice Gantt Best line: “Nobody crawls on top of you in that bed except for me. And there’s nobody else even on this mountain…except for those damn, backwater, hillbilly McConnollys.” Grizzly Flats is the name of a small rural community where all manner of people … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Broken (2008)

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SYNOPSIS: Gina McVey is a successful radiologist who witnesses an exact lookalike of herself drive past her in Gina’s Jeep. She follows this stranger to make sure, but the outcome of this meeting sparks a series of events that only exacerbate her confusion. REVIEW: Written & directed by Sean Ellis Starring: Lena Headey, Ulrich Thomsen That synopsis was more difficult to write than you may think. I normally get it from the web (always crediting … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Bucks County Massacre (2010)

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SYNOPSIS: “The Bucks County Massacre” was compiled from video footage found at the scene of a horrible crime. The editors would like to express their sympathies to the families of the victims. They would also like to express their gratitude to the local authorities for their involvement and cooperation on this project. The public release of “The Bucks County Massacre” is done with the express consent of the families of the victims and all authorities … Continue reading

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Film Review: Dead-End Drive-in (1986)

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SYNOPSIS: In the near future, drive-in theatres are turned into concentration camps for the undesirable and unemployed. The prisoners don’t really care to escape because they are fed and they have a place to live which is, in most cases, probably better than the outside. Crabs and his girlfriend Carmen are put into the camp and all Crabs wants to do is escape. REVIEW: Best line: Stuttering inmate: “Stupid c-c-c, c-c-clown!” Dead-End Drive-in (1986) Written … Continue reading

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Film Review: Graveyard Disturbance (1987)

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SYNOPSIS: A group of troublemaking, yuppie, high-schoolers are on the way camping when they get lost and stranded in an unnaturally fogged bit of forest. Inside the forest they find a tavern with strange, glowy-eyed locals and a beastly looking glass cauldron filled with money and valuables. They discover that the vessel is there for the purpose of making a bet that you can survive in the catacombs beneath the tavern until dawn. They take … Continue reading

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Film Review: Mania (1986)

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SYNOPSIS: “See No Evil” This episode is about an accountant who witnesses through his window the murder of the call girl he just finished a transaction with. The killer turns around and is seen by the accountant. The killer stashes the murder weapon in the accountant’s apartment and the accountant is tried for the murder. It’s all smooth sailing until the accountant realizes the judge and the man the accountant saw outside of the window … Continue reading

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Film Review: Q The Winged Serpent (1982)

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SYNOPSIS: A Meso-American deity terrorizes New York City. REVIEW: Best Michael Moriarty Line: “I stink and I just wanna cry…I just…no I haven’t cried since I was a little kid…I just wanna cry.” Written and Directed by Larry Cohen Starring: Michael Moriarty, David Carradine, Candy Clark, Richard Roundtree Best line not spoken by Moriarty: “My God, with a wingspan like what you’re talking about here, that thing could fly miles into New York City every … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Company of Wolves (1984)

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SYNOPSIS: Multiple takes on the wolf / werewolf mythos are explained to a young teenage girl by her grandmother. REVIEW: The Company of Wolves (1984) Written by: Neil Jordan, Angela Carter Directed by Neil Jordan Starring: Sarah Patterson, Angela Lansbury, David Warner Best Line: “Never stray from the path, never eat a wind-fall apple, and never trust a man whose eyebrows meet.” The Company of Wolves is a stylized film from the 80s that focuses … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Video Dead (1987)

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SYNOPSIS: A family takes  delivery of a new TV set, unaware that it is the gateway by which killer zombies enter the world. REVIEW: Written, produced, and directed by: Robert Scott Starring: Michael St. Michaels, Thaddeus Golas, Douglas Bell Best Line: “The TeeeeVeeee don’t kill nobody… it’s what comes OUT of the TV does the killin’.” All the zombie lovers in the world need to see The Video Dead. It is a great 80s zombie … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Stuff (1985)

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SYNOPSIS: Weird yummy goo erupts from the earth and is discovered by a couple of miners. They taste it and decide to market it because it tastes so good. The American public literally eats up the new dessert sensation now known as the Stuff but, unfortunately, it takes over the brains of those who eat it, turning them into zombie-like creatures. It is up to ex-FBI agent David Rutherford and a kid named Jason to … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Supernaturals (1986)

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SYNOPSIS: Nichelle Nichols is an army sergeant who leads her platoon into the woods of the Deep South on a training exercise. Unfortunately, it is the site where a bunch of Yankee soldiers murdered a town of confederates. The corpses of the dead soldiers rise up to wreak revenge. REVIEW: Written by Joel Soisson, Michael S. Murphey Directed by Armand Mastroianni Starring: Maxwell Caulfield, Nichelle Nichols, Talia Balsam I have no idea why this movie … Continue reading

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Film Review: Manhattan Baby (1982)

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SYNOPSIS: An archaelogist opens an Egyptian tomb and accidently releases an evil spirit. His young daughter becomes possessed by the freed enity and, upon arrival back in New York, the gory murders begin. REVIEW: Written by Elisa Bruganti Directed by Lucio Fulci Starring: Christopher Connelly, Laura Lenzi, Brigitta Boccoli I was talking about some old-school entertainment with my co-worker the other day. He’s a younger guy who, when I asked him if he’d seen any … Continue reading

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Film Review: Hide (2011)

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SYNOPSIS: Chesterfield High School basketball practice has ended. One year later the town is still reeling from the massacre of a brutal mischief night murder, but even the statewide curfew won’t stop these teens from pulling pranks on Hallow’s Eve. Susie Hauser, head cheerleader along with her teenage friends are lured by a psychopath to play a revengeful game of hide and seek on this anniversary night. For a high school senior and her friends, … Continue reading

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Film Review: Aerobicide (1987)

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SYNOPSIS: Two years ago, a young woman named Valerie was burned after entering a tanning salon. Now, her twin sister, Rhonda runs a local gym where all of a sudden, people are being murdered. REVIEW: Written and Directed by David A. Prior Starring: Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews Aerobicide, aka Killer Workout, is an awful movie with one redeeming quality: it most assuredly was made for the sole purpose of showcasing women of … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Hand (1981)

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SYNOPSIS: Jon Lansdale was a prominent artist before he lost is drawing hand in a tragic automobile accident. His hand is never found, unfortunately, but when people start angering John, his hand returns to eliminate them. REVIEW: Written and Directed by Oliver Stone Starring: Michael Caine, Andrea Marcovicci, Annie McEnroe I was ten years old when The Hand hit theatres in 1981, so I was probably twelve or thirteen when I saw it for the … Continue reading

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Film Review: The Carrier (1988)

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SYNOPSIS: Jake is an unlucky man. First, his parents died in a horrible fire that the entire town believes he set on purpose. Now it seems he’s contracted a condition that turns every inanimate object he touches into something that consumes organic matter. And he thought the town didn’t like him before! REVIEW: Written and Directed by Nathan J. White Starring: Gregory Fortescue, Stevie Lee, Steve Dixon Best Line: Townie #1: “I know this is … Continue reading

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