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Film Review: Little Red Riding Hood (2015)

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SYNOPSIS:

Little Red Riding Hood must traverse through the wilderness to deliver medicine to her grandmother. Horrors, notably a vicious werewolf, stalk the wilderness. But there’s more for Little Red Riding Hood to worry about than just a big bad wolf. A mysterious creature who lives in a castle within those woods imprisons her inside his lair. To get out, this creature must be destroyed.

REVIEW:

I’d like to tell you what this version of LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, directed by Rene Perez (THE DEAD THE DAMNED AND THE DARKNESS, ALIEN SHOWDOWN: THE DAY THE OLD WEST STOOD STILL), is all about, but I am at a serious loss. For one, there is very little dialogue to help you along (when you hear the quality of the voiceovers, you thank your lucky stars this is the case).

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There are these monsters that . . . well . . . wander around . . . a lot. Yes, there is a big bad wolf, of course. But the big bad wolf isn’t quite so pivotal to our story. This lycanthrope appears to be at the behest of this arch monster thing that has fingers on his head. (He shall hereon be known as ‘Fingerhead.’) He wanders around a lot, too, in his castle. I guess I should mention that he’s “one of the ancients . . . perhaps the last.”

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Supposedly there were a lot of ancients at one time, but they drowned with Atlantis. I hope that helps in the elucidation. There are also these colorful forcefields in the sky. And there is a, like, cute girl, who’s, like, video blogging about her, like, trek through, like, the wilderness. She wanders into a beautiful home in the country. Fingerhead causes trouble for her there, of course. There is a wise (dead) knight who is full of warnings for Little Red Riding Hood. There is an imprisoned monk in the castle. He has some warnings to offer her as well.

Anyway, Little Red Riding Hood—who is—I don’t know—twenty-eight, at the youngest—gets herself stuck in this castle where Fingerhead exercises his powers. In order to get out of there, Little Red Riding Hood is going to have to kill Fingerhead. The imprisoned monk won’t help her. “Alas,” he’s “not a warrior.” Luckily there’s this majestic man wandering around in the woods. Make no mistake, he is a warrior. He has a sword and everything. (Why did he get to have the James Coburn voiceover?) Anyway, he’s entranced to the castle by this woman he walked up on showering in the woods. There he meets Little Red Riding Hood and agrees to help her fight Fingerhead. She’s getting antsy to deliver Grandma’s medicine, after all.

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It ends remarkably abruptly, too. Just like that. You’re left thinking, Thank God Grandma got her medicine. What a load off.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD, albeit totally awful, has a cool look to it. The costumes are pretty cheap, but provide original and imaginative creatures. The sets are nice: great castle—though pretty tidy, I’d say, for being the den of a monster. Nice landscape shots of the forests and mountains, too. Other than its look . . . wow. Have fun with this one. Need an idea for bad movie night? Look no further than LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. The descriptor ‘delightfully nonsensical’ comes to mind characterizing it.

 

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The terribly cheap “epic” synthesizer soundtrack only drives that feel forward. Careless editing and a boatload of other gleeful oversights may have accidentally created the next SHARKNADO-type roast-fest of a film. I mean, it’s TROLL 2 bad. Maybe worse. See it if you like your movies replete with unintentional hilarity and the ability to kill brain cells.

For the so-bad-it’s-good crowd, I can’t recommend this one enough.

One comment

  1. Who wrote this! I think I found a new hobby. Reading reviews of crappy movies. Hell crappy anything really.

    If they ever fire you, they’d be making a mistake. :)

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