Home | Film Reviews | Film Review: The Velocipastor (short film) (2011)

Film Review: The Velocipastor (short film) (2011)

The-VelociPastor-short-film-2011-Brendan-Steere-(5)

SYNOPSIS:

A priest is scratched by a piece of amber and begins to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his darker desires, but soon he realizes his powers might be used for good, albeit violent, murderous good.

REVIEW:

Just take a minute and read this title again – THE VELOCIPASTOR.

I cannot rate the amount of happies the title alone gives me. I’ve actually started writing this review before I even watched it, because damn I love that title.

ok, let me go watch it and I’ll be right back…

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok, let’s see if I can settle down and explain this to you guys.

The-VelociPastor-short-film-2011-Brendan-Steere-(1) The-VelociPastor-short-film-2011-Brendan-Steere-(4)  The-VelociPastor-short-film-2011-Brendan-Steere-(2)

First of all, this film is only four minutes long. It’s like an old school, long form film trailer. Speaking of that, writer/director Brendan Steere totally old-schooled this film. Starting from the beginning with the now-outdated rating card, he gives us a classic cheapo film trailer. This is a film that I am willing to bet Roger Corman wishes he had made.

Father Jones (Matt Ziegel) has just returned from a missionary trip overseas. While he was there, he discovers a piece of amber at an archelogical dig. He cuts himself accidently on the sharp stone, and it changes his life forever.

Because he turns into a DINOSAUR. yes, a dinosaur. And the good Father must reconcile his faith with the blood lust of the predator that now rises within him.

I know, right? it’s freakin beautiful!! Mr. Steere uses every trope imaginable – boom mics in the shot, shadow of the camera operator on the actors, really hissy ADR sound, and don’t even get me started on the dinosaur.

I can’t stop laughing long enough to write this review. It’s such an epically beautiful slice of cheese-o-rama filmmaking that I’m gonna watch it again.

The-VelociPastor-short-film-2011-Brendan-Steere-(3)

Hang on…

Oh man even the score is crap-riffic. This is simply a perfect parody of the films of the time period. It’s hard to accept that it was made in 2011. Comedy at it’s finest. Oh, and did I mention the tagline – Welcome to the Christ-aceous period.

A very small cast in this film, but everyone is just hilarious. You just gotta see it. That’s all I can say.

So rating with my special “short scale” on a scale of one to five (five being awesome), I’m giving this film five crappy effects.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.