A great & gory salutation from The Black Saint to all of you my acolytes. I hope that all of you were as miserable as I was the past few weeks. Miserable is my preferred state of being & if an acolyte of mine then you better get used to being miserable too, it’s actually not too bad if you give it a shot…try it!
I have been away on a short vacation which I hated a great deal. There is way too much cursed sunlight in the outside world for me. But I moaned & meandered my way through it. Did you know you can’t enter a restaurant with a Scythe? I was in shock! Bad enough I had to remove my Shroud before they let me on the plane but no Scythe either? I should have summoned all of you, my acolytes to attack this…airport. But so as not to embarass my family (who still don’t get me) I let them have their way with me. Bastards, you will feel my wrath soon enough!! This I swear!
But enough of my horrid week in the cursed sunlight, how about some horror news? Sounds like a plan….
FIrst Piranhas…now Sharks!!
Heat Vision reports that David “The Final Destination” Ellis is set to direct “Shark Night 3D” for Silverwood Films. The story will focus on seven friends who spend a weekend at a lakehouse in Louisiana where they are attacked by Sharks. Sharks in Louisiana you ask? Apparently it’s part of a plan by several of the local folks in the area. Chris Carmack, Sinqua Walls, Alyssa Diaz & Joel David Moore are signed to star in the film which starts shooting next month.
The Wrap reports that Scott “From Dusk Till Dawn 2” Spiegel will be directing the 3rd entry of the “Hostel” film series. Not much known about the plot details other than it takes place around a Vegas bachelor party. Doesn’t sound like the “Hostel” we all know & love does it? Well it stars John Hensley, Thomas Kretschmann & Skyler Stone & will be a direct to video release. Eli Roth who wrote & directed both “Hostel 1 & 2” apparently has nothing to do with this one…A bad sign if you ask me.
The Unavoidable Superhero news…
It’s actually a prety horrible world where there is more superhero news than horror news to report but every week brings more of it & I have a sworn duty to report so…firstly there is new word on the Fantastic Four reboot that is planned for 2012. The latest rumour is that Adrien “The Nose that won’t die” Brody & Amber Heard were in negotiations to play Reed & Sue Richards. Then Latino Review reported that Stephen “True Blood” Moyer has been pegged as the next Doctor Doom. They also reported that Alice Eve was in talks to star as Sue Storm & Kevin “90210” Pennington was up to play Johnny Storm. Then Comic Book Movie reported that Bruce Willis was being pursued to voice Ben Grimm who will be a CG character for the film.
“Deadpool” sans Rodriguez?
Robert “Machete” Rodriguez was set to direct the adaptation of the comic according to Deadline but apparently scheduling issues may take him off of the project. It was to start production next Spring with star Ryan Reynolds but both of them have been extremely busy with Rodriguez promoting “Machete” & Reynolds filming “Green Lantern”. In addition Rodriguez is commited to start filming the fourth “Spy Kids” feature next month & Reynolds commited to starring in “The Safe House” & “RIPD” (Another comic adaptation, how many comic movies can this guy do)? So it may not happen.
Aronofsky to direct “Wolverine” sequel?
Darren “Pi” Aronofsky is in negotiations to direct “X-Men Origins: Wolverine 2” according to Deadline New York. It was earlier reported that David “Eclipse” Slade had the job but all of a sudden Aronofsky has showed interest in it & he has worked with Hugh Jackman before in the sadly underrated “The Fountain” so it looks like this’ll happen for sure.
Speaking Of “Machete”…
Bloody-Disgusting.com has posted a new red band trailer for “Machete” & it rocks! Check it out here:http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xeosnr
As I predicted in my review…Wha? You haven’t read it yet? Fools!! Read it now & then come back. I’ll wait…….That’s it, times up! I will be visiting you who don’t follow me yet still call yourselves my “Acolytes”. Anyways, it made $21 million dollars over the weekend but I predict a major drop in attendance this weekend.
50% or more for sure. It’s just a very disappointing movie with a really stupid ending to boot. The word is already out that it’s much ado about nothing. It’s just not a very good movie in my opinion.
Speaking of “Last Exorcism”…The director of said film, Daniel Stamm has revealed that his next movie might be “Twelve Strangers”. The second of M. Night schmielschmozzle’s “Night Chronicles” trilogy. The first being the upcoming “Devil”. Apparently the story deals with a jury deliberating a case involving the supenatural with “A twist in the ending” according to Mr. Stamm. Methinks Mr. Shamalamadingdong or whatever his last name is leans on these “Twist Endings” way too much.
Bloody disgusting.com also reports that Bob “Mona Lisa” Hopkins & Willem “The Antichrist” Dafoe are starring in a british sci-fi adventure lensed in 3D about a alien invasion during a solar eclipse. Roger Christian will be directing.
Twitch has posted the trailer for “F”. A movie about hoodlums who run rampant in a school after hours terrorizing the few staff members & students who are unlucky enough to be in the building when it’s attacked. Audience reaction in Britain was surprisingly good & the film might make it to these shores on video soon. here’s the trailerhttp://www.dailymotion.com/video/xeosmq
Movies that you should watch this week
The 2 films I’m going to name aren’t part of your bi-weekly assignments that I’ve been giving you. They are just a couple of movies I caught on DVD last week that I thought were worthy of mention this week. The first one is called “Dead Air” and it stars Bill “Devil’s Rejects” Mosely as a “Shock Jock” disc Jockey who is on the air when terrorists release a virus into the air that causes instant madness & rage in the populace. It’s not particularly gory (though it does have one gore scene that was new to me) but it is compelling & more importantly…possible. It’s played straight 7 Mosely proved to me that he can play more than psychotic lunatics. And the most amazing thing about it is that it was directed by Corbin “L.A. Law” Bernsen! Who woulda thought that this guy could direct any movie let alone a good one? Check it out.
The 2nd one is called “Neighbor” & it is a pisser! It’s basically a series of setpieces featuring a psychotic woman who has escaped an asylum & just goes about the town killing people in the most hideous of ways. America Olivo plays the girl (She is never referred to by name) & it has a cool cameo from Mink Stole of Andy Warhol fame. There really isn’t much more of a plot than that but the movie got under my skin which ain’t easy. I thought the effect work was great & director Robert Angelo Masciantonio handles what little plot there is very well. OH & Ms. Olivo is easy on the eyes too. It’s just refreshing to me to see a pretty lady chopping people up for a change. No surprises either. You know she’s the culprit literally as soon as the movie starts & she is one crazy f*cking bitch. I might be in love……
Watch both of these if you have the chance. I liked em’ and I think you’ll like em’ too. And now my little malleable bits of goo it’s time for me to move on. Back to the Mausoleum where I belong & where I’ll be unless sombody isn’t listening to me. Then I might have to pay you a visit….you don’t want that.
So remember to wash your dishes & toss your garbage out every night, you don’t want bugs in your home do you? Send em’ to me. They are great snacks…lots of protein. And as always say your prayers every night. Not to the guy upstairs or the one downstairs either. Say your prayers….To Me!!
The Black Saint