Film Review: Black Candles (1982)

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SYNOPSIS:

A young woman travels with her partner to England on the unexpected death of her brother. Staying with her sister-in-law, she finds her companion soon drawn into a satanic cult based in the house whose rites seem to centre somewhat on large-scale sexual congress.

REVIEW:

I honestly don’t know how to review this movie without talking about the chicks and dicks and sex scenes and how it’s all somehow connected to Satanism. “Black Candles” is soft-core porn circa 1982, pure and simple.

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From what I understand the original title was “The Sexual Rites of the Devil.”  Is there a plot?  Yeah but it’s muddy at best and hidden beneath layers and layers of pubic hair and writhing bodies.  There’s no legitimate scares or anything to shock you except the bad, awkward boinking.

“Black Candles” is standard ‘70’s fascination with Satanism coupled with lurid and often graphic sex that foreshadows what Cinemax “after dark” would program years later.

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I’m not surprised this movie was made, after all it wasn’t entirely unusual back in the 70’s and early 80’s to produce “serious” flicks that featured a reputable cast from a major studio that featured lots of nudity and sex with “Caligula” being the best example of this trend.  It’s something I like to call “Noble Raunch.”  It’s not porn per se, but damn close.

The movie’s plot is very loose much like most of the cast that “stars” in it.  We start out with retro bra – panties, advance into missionary then full on bush and the requisite inclusion of oral.  Not much scary stuff here unless you think about maybe catching an STD from having to sit through this movie.

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Husband and wife Rob and Carol travel to England to check out the home her brother died in.  His death is “odd” to say the least.  Kooky Fiona their relative reveals that she and her husband had an interest in the paranormal which would explain the satanic paintings adorning the walls of her home.  Come to find out she’s secretly hiding a goofy satanic cult in her home, but guess what, we don’t care because we got BOOBIES!!!  HELLO!!

Oh, did I forget to mention that at the 30 minute mark we have goat on chick sex?  Yeah, it’s to impregnate her with the devil’s baby via his black metal sperm, to bring forth the antichrist baby and maybe a sequel or two.  But the goat on chick sex, that’s a new one.

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It also appears that the movie was shot in another language and dubbed into English which didn’t sink up all the time when the characters spoke.  Normally this would be a detractor but here it actually enhanced my viewing (dis)pleasure.

Production values and acting were on par, I mean, “Black Candles” is an actual movie that could be shown on either skinemax or Showtime after 10PM and viewing it would depend on how drunk or horny you might be, maybe both.  Did I mention the goat on chick thing?  I don’t even think it was a real goat, maybe an extra in a bad costume.

As for an actual horror movie with a plot and scare factor you’re better off renting “Devil’s Rain” or “Rosemary’s Baby.”  The supernatural aspect of this movie took second even third place to the sex and bad muff.   My personal pet peeve are movies that get billed as one thing and turn out to be something else.

If you want to make hard or soft-core porn then by all means do it but don’t combine it with something else, it doesn’t work, boobies, vag and banging always take main focus.

I would only recommend this movie to the curious, even adventurous viewer who’ll watch strictly for the sex and the goat on woman scene, otherwise save your money and rent or buy something else, “Black Candles” isn’t worth it.

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