Haunted Honeymoon

Film Review: Suicide Girls Must Die (2010)

SYNOPSIS:

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to actually go on a Suicide Girl’s photo shoot well today is your lucky day! Ends up the photo shoot is actually going to be for a calendar which means even more girls, I mean who cares if its up in no man’s land in Maine it’s the Suicide Girls! Well there is also that problem of girls coming up missing, and why are they still taking pictures for this calendar?

REVIEW: 

Year: 2010
Directed by: Sawa Suicide
Starring: Amina Suicide, Bailey Suicide, Bully Suicide…..a lot of the Suicide Girls.

“I hope when I’m dead people f*ck with me!”

Ah the Suicide Girls, if you don’t know who they are you have obviously been under a rock or without internet access for several years now. I remember one of my friends once telling me that his subscription to the Suicide Girls website was the best money he ever spent; I just never saw the purpose personally. This isn’t the Suicide Girls first foray into the horror genre some of you may remember a few of them were in the recent remake of The Wizard of Gore among other things and besides they are cute tattooed women, who wouldn’t want to see them slashed to bits by a masked killer…..if only this movie was like that.

Suicide Girls Must Die is entertaining, if you are a fan of reality television since the film is pretty much like an hour and a half long episode of something you might find on a network television station, except with a whole bunch of nudity. The events that are shown to the viewer are going on, the look of fear on some of these girls faces are real…..these girls are really scared in this film but I really can’t explain much else there or I would give up too much of the plot and its wonderful ending.

Like I said up there Suicide Girls Must Die plays off like a reality show in which the viewer is introduced to each of the girls and learn that the girls are on their way to Maine to take pictures for a soon to be released calendar. The girls all meet up in Boston and are forced to take a bus from Boston to their location in Maine, now this is the kind of bus ride I personally would not mind being on…surrounded by beautiful women and lots of booze. The girls are having themselves a good time until they stop for a bathroom break. A motorist finds the girls urinating outside to be offensive and actually calls the police on the bus which gets pulled over. The motorist and the officer’s face are both blurred out; obviously they aren’t fans of the Suicide Girls.

When the girls finally do get to their location they are told to turn over their phones, if any of them are caught with a second phone they will instantly be fired. The house where the girls stay comes equipped with most things found in any house on a reality television series, there’s a stocked bar, a hot tub and a confessional room which is the girls only link to the outside world. Two of the girls constantly throughout the film use the confessional room as a place to smoke grass out of an apple bowl which got quite a few chuckles out of me in most of the scenes that they are in.

 

The girls are then told to go put on their skimpiest and cutest outfits and those who are hotter will be shot first. This is when the fun happens as the viewer is suddenly taken to a Suicide Girls photo shoot, during the first one the young girl complains about a prop of a bear and the girls can get rather catty about each other during a lot of these scenes. Fans of the flesh rejoice however because not only do you get to watch these beautiful girls strut their sexy selves around you are also treated to several still shots after each one is shot.


The film takes a few turns however when a few of the girls wander off the set and come across what looks like a small graveyard. One of the girls begins to play with the grave markers and even pulls one out of the ground before the other girls start to yell at her, coincidently she is also the first girl who comes up missing. There are also some pretty strange characters introduced including a mildly retarded man who lives in a tent in the woods and a truly creepy grounds keeper who isn’t very happy when he finds out the girls were messing around the graveyard.

When I first read about this film I seriously had images of a masked killer stalking scantily clad women through a woods, Suicide Girls Must Die is hardly that the viewer only gets quick shots of some blood usually when a death is actually shown on camera gore hounds definitely wont find this to be their cup of tea….most of the time the girls simply just aren’t there anymore. Of course paranoia starts to creep in on most of the girls who remain and those who are in charge of them go straight into bitch mode about getting the calendar done…after all that is why they are there.

There are only a few scenes of suspense but I will state the ending of the film did get a reaction out of me when I realized what I had just witnessed. Fan’s of reality television are going to eat this one up and fans of beautiful women are definitely gonna dig this one…..but really that’s about it.

Suicide Girls Must Die (2010)

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