Haunted Honeymoon

Film Review: Gallowwalkers (2012)

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SYNOPSIS:

A cursed gunman (Snipes) whose victims come back from the dead recruits a young warrior to help in the fight against a gang of zombies.

REVIEW:

It’s difficult to know where to begin with writing a review of the film Gallowwalkers, mainly because there are so many problems with it. It would probably be easier for me to point out the parts which didn’t suck! Wait…there weren’t any. Therefore, this has become more of a warning flag to those about to embark on this terrible mission. Just don’t is all I can say, just don’t.

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There were way too many questions which failed to be answered for Gallowwalkers to really be considered a good film. Most characters were given no back story (who was the sidekick guy and why was he a prisoner at the start?) and were basically irrelevant to anything (the female prisoner who was basically pointless from beginning to end). The main character’s (played by Wesley Snipes) back story was fuzzy and illogical. Random events would happen which didn’t form part of the main narrative, adding confusion to the whole mess of this film. Ultimately, the film made no sense. Things weren’t explained and so the viewer is left to piece together the story for themselves – only to find that most of the pieces don’t fit together. To be honest, I’m surprised that a big name like Wesley Snipes would want to associate himself with this project. For any specific fans of his reading this, don’t bother giving this one a watch because even the performance given by Wesley Snipes is bad and tedious to watch.

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Even the name, Gallowwalkers failed to really inspire me, because after seeing the film I feel that this is a misrepresentation of what it was about. Basically, Wesley Snipes play a guy who (for some reason, and unbeknownst to him) has a curse placed upon him, whereby anyone that he kills will rise from the dead again. During a flashback scene, it is explained that on one occasion a gang of thugs break into Wesley Snipes’ characters house and have their wicked way with his woman, leading him to go on a rampage and killing them all. This collection of his victims – once awakened – make several attempts to target him in revenge, plus the head ‘baddie’ tries to find the answer about why his son was never revived like the rest. There are a few early skirmishes but most of the action happens towards the end when some of the group attempt to invade the hideout that Wesley Snipes’ character has taken refuge (resulting in a mild bloodbath).

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In terms of the horror aspect of the film, there’s a fair amount of ripping heads from bodies, with spines dangling limply below, to keep the gore fanatics happy. The ‘undead’ characters also have a nasty habit of peeling off victims faces for themselves to use to cover their hideous, skinless bodies – much like Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Each face can only last a few weeks, and there’s even one guy who decides to incorporate a lizards skin into his look. Wow, how truly evil (?). I would say that Gallowwalkers has a much higher ratio of Western elements as opposed to horror, so don’t expect many (if any!) scares. Sure, the scenery seems to work well with the traditional idea of the Western film, there are suitable outfits (apart from a few tacky looking blond wigs stuck on for whatever reason) and a few gun battles, but this is hardly a compliment on Gallowwalkers at all. The term ‘clutching at straws’ comes to mind.

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As harsh as this might sound, even if every other movie on earth had been destroyed, I still wouldn’t be tempted to sit through Gallowwalkers again. Not a single redeeming feature really occurs to me and I’m miffed that I wasted my time watching this once as far as I’m concerned. So, unless you’re desperate to see a sexy woman in a corset with bosoms spilling out of course, avoid this film at all costs!

Gallowwalkers (2012)

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One Response to Film Review: Gallowwalkers (2012)

  1. The Black Saint says:

    Nice review Lizzie! I watched this a few weeks ago and while I agree with most of your review, I liked the movie a bit more than you did (Just a bit though). But I enjoyed it because of it’s inanity, not because it was any good. I literally didn’t know what the hell it was all about once it was over! It did look good and had a splash of gore to keep me awake and that’s never a bad thing. I think this was the film Snipes was making when he went away to prison for tax evasion a few years back. I know it was only half finished when he was convicted so maybe that’s part of the reason why it’s so disjointed.

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