Film Review: Goblet of Gore (1996)

SYNOPSIS:

A mystical chalice once used by the vikings spreads death and destruction as it passes through the centuries.

REVIEW:

After what is considered by many to be his best work, Violent Sh*t II: Mother Hold My Hand, Andreas Schnaas followed up with Goblet of Gore (Der Kelch) in 1996, but “various issues” held back its release until 2005. One would be curious as to what those issues may have been, as the finished product doesn’t seem, well, finished.

The basic plot of the movie revolves around a chalice once used in blood sacrifices. We follow it through the years as it appears in unlikely places and is then discovered by random, unlucky people. We see blood, beer, cheap wine, and urine all consumed from the goblet, then watch as all hell breaks loose.

Word of warning: Goblet of Gore does not have a linear storyline. In fact, it seems to be missing a plot altogether. Instead we have a collection of scenes thrown together to fill the seventy minute runtime. Well, actually, it’s more like sixty minutes after the opening and closing credits (although the closing credits do feature the song “Goblet of Gore” performed by Gang Loco, accompanied by three CGI skeletons playing air guitar). But what these sixty minutes lack in story, they more than make up for in perverted gore.

Why, yes, I did mention perverted gore. Grab your attention, did I? Well good, because the sex & violence are easily the highlight of this movie. While budget constraints left the scenes looking hurried and rough, Schnaas’ creativity could be considered impressive. Ostomy sex leading to bisection is something you won’t find in many American movies. The death by blowjob put Gutterballs to shame. And the Nazi masturbating and firing his gun while requesting “orgasms for the Reich” is reminiscent of the intro scene of Russ Meyer’s Up! if reimagined by Herschell Gordon Lewis.

Unfortunately, while these scenes can entertain even the most desensitized horror fan, the rest of the movie continually stumbles over itself, often landing face first. The acting is simply bad. The vocal dubbing is horrible, never matching the lips of the over-actors. Every male character mumbles when they speak, sounding like the animation of Terry Gilliam. A witch at the beginning drinks blood from the goblet and produces a papier mache dragon/bat, and sounds like she might say “…and your little dog Toto, too” at any moment. To be honest, if she had it may not have been all that shocking.

At one point, we are introduced to detectives investigating a dead woman in an alley. The lead detective excuses himself because he has a cold, never to return. The other goes back to his office to catch his assistant making fun of him behind his back. This is the extent of their role in the film. Another scene shows us a non-descript hallway, two working girls waiting near the entrance. They try to attract one man, who brushes them away. Another man, long Joey Ramone-like hair and black leather jacket, tries to pick them up, but has no money. None of these characters had been seen before, nor will they appear again, and it’s never established where this hallway is. Another scene gives us not a glimpse, but an entire song by some random rap-metal band that seems to have nothing to do with anything else going on.

The intro credits give the best summary of the forthcoming film. Heavy metal music plays behind CGI graphics of a naked girl, a Viking ship, and a skull with a rat lying across the top. We see a hand close around a razor blade, then holding a pocket watch covered in yarn. Various decapitated heads float across the screen. And occasionally in the background, we are presented with hardcore p*rnography. None of it makes any sense, yet it is strangely intriguing.

Parts of this movie will stick with you forever, and you’ll want to share it with your friends. Unfortunately, the rest is all loose ends and filler. To sum it up best, Goblet of Gore makes Blood Feast look like Vertigo. It’s worth a viewing, but don’t go in expecting anything life-changing.

Goblet of Gore (1996)

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About seanofthedead

In 1987, after hearing Poison’s “Look What the Cat Dragged In” for the first time, Sean decided he wanted to play drums. After realizing all rock stars wore leather pants, he traded in his dreams of fortune and fame for 80’s sitcoms, horror movies, and punk rock. Sean has spent his recent years trying to recover from Catholic guilt while searching for an idea worth writing.

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