Haunted Honeymoon

Film Review: Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012)

SYNOPSIS:

With summer in full swing and a record-breaking Fourth of July crowd soaking up the boardwalk sun, Seaside Heights is the place to be in New Jersey! But when an illegal coastal drilling operation inadvertently unleashes a horde of man-eating albino bull sharks, the city is hurled into deadly chaos! Can a local Jersey crew band together to fend off the blood thirsty, ravenous sharks before the whole town is consumed?

REVIEW:

Jaws may be this summer’s must-own Blu-ray, but it’s not the only high-definition shark in the water. Just in time to quell your post-Shark Week withdrawals, Jersey Shore Shark Attack swims home on Blu-ray and DVD. The film premiered as a Syfy original movie at the beginning of the summer, and now it’s back to cap off the season on home video.

The guidos and guidettes of the Jersey Shore – The Complication (Jeremy Luke) and Nooki (Melissa Molinaro), who are in a lover’s quarrel, along with their pals Donnie (Joey Russo), Paulie Balzac (Daniel Booko), J-Moni (Alex Mauriello) and BJ (Audi Resendez) – live dramatic lifestyles like those portrayed on MTV’s hit show. I’d say that they are caricatures of the reality show’s cast, but they’re really don’t need to exaggerate the characteristics to exploit them.

With the 4th of July fast approaching, drilling for the construction of an exclusive beach club on Seaside Heights sends vibrations across the ocean floor. The disruption sends a shiver of hungry albino bull sharks to the Jersey Shore. Taking cues from Jaws, the bigwigs insist that the beaches remain open at all costs. Meanwhile, the orange-skinned juiceheads clash with the snobs from the local yacht club. While it’s easy to dislike the cast of the real Jersey Shore, the actors make their film counterparts lovable – so the viewer roots for them in favor of the snooty, rich kids.

Joey Fatone, who proved his acting chops in last year’s Inkubus, provides a highlight of the film. The former Nsync member plays himself in a brief but memorable scene that pokes fun at his fall from grace. The cast features a number of other recognizable faces, including Paul Sorvino (Goodfellas), William Atherton (Die Hard), Tony Sirico (“The Sopranos”), Jack Scalia (“Dallas”) and “The Jersey Shore”s own Vinny Guadagnino, who plays a newscaster.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack seems to have had a higher budget than the typical Syfy film. Not only does the cast feature more “name” actors, but the scope is wider as well; it’s not the usual small group stuck in an isolated location. The production values are also above average, enhanced by second unit footage shot on location in New Jersey (helmed by B-movie icon Fred Olen Ray, who also produced) and plenty of extras. The Blu-ray looks as good as a made-for-Syfy movie could hope. But fear not: the CGI sharks look as cheesy as ever – which is half the fun. Special features include a 5-minute on set fluff piece and a commentary track. Unfortunately, the film’s main audio is too loud during the commentary, making it nearly impossible to hear at times.

While Jersey Shore Shark Attack will never be classified as a great film, director John Shepphird and writers Michael Ciminera and Richard Gnolfo have crafted one of, if not the most fun Syfy original movies yet. They were clearly aware of what they were making, with tongue placed firmly in cheek (they even wedge the film’s title into the dialogue – twice!), but the actors play it straight. In terms of over-the-top monster movies, it doesn’t get much more entertaining than this. Jersey Shore Shark Attack is an fist pump-worthy way to kill 87 minutes of summer boredom with your bros.

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012)

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One Response to Film Review: Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012)

  1. StickStickly says:

    I didn’t get the chance to watch this movie on Syfy but I’m more than just a little curious as to what it entails. A lot of the Syfy originals are something left to be desired. After reading your review I’ve decided that I will rent this movie just to see how bad (or good) it really is. I’m getting the movie through Blockbuster @ Home and it’s super convenient since I don’t have to leave the house to get the movie. I just added it to my queue and in a day or two it will show up in my mailbox. A Dish co-worker suggested it to me a while back and I’ve been using the service ever since. I think it’s really funny how the characters names are a spoof on the real Jersey Shore and that they seem to be just as clueless as the real thing. From the pictures I’ve seen of some of the scenes this probably won’t be one that I buy but it might be good for a few laughs.

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