Homophobic detective Mark Rima (James Vallo) must “partner” up with the very gay and flamboyant Detective Chris Riant (Shawn Quinlan) to stop a serial killing Nun (Judy Tenuta) from offing 5 band members otherwise known as “The Ex Choir Boys.” But when it is determined that the detectives can’t solve the case on their own, expert F.B.I. profiler Agent Peccant (comedian Ant) is assigned to the case. As the details of the case slowly emerge the police determine that that the “nun” may only be a silent witness to the grisly murders. The task force then turns its attention on the Catholic Church and a suspect group of Priests that have had a propensity for “cleansing the souls” of innocent young choir boys.
â€śI used to be a Catholic, and then I hit the age of reasonâ€ť–George Carlin.
So I got this request to write a review about a gay themed horror film called â€śSister Mary.â€ť First thing that went through my head was FINANLLY a hot movie about one of my favorite subjects: Catholic school girls in trouble. I was thinking white shirts, plaid skirts, white panties and knee high socksâ€¦ And they are stalked by a killer nun that has hot lesbian sex with them and then kills them in some weird catholic bondage and domination ritual that involves whips, hot wax and lots of hair whipping around and kissing there needs to be lots of kissing and Bree Olsenâ€¦ That is the â€śgay themed horror filmâ€ť I imagined Iâ€™d be watching cause to me the word â€śgayâ€ť means either gay men or gay women but instead of catholic school girls in trouble I got a work in progress cut of a very different film.
So the short version of â€śSister Maryâ€ť is about a boy band â€“and I donâ€™t mean to sound redundant but a gay boy band that are slowly getting killed off by a nun who is bashing their heads in with a rockâ€¦ Which I would like think the film makers are making a comment about the symbolic struggle between rock and pop musicâ€¦
Now, I am NOT a fan of make believe or people with imaginary friends who take think that there invisible friend is real or worse gives a sh*t about them, so therefore Iâ€™m sure you can imagine that religion and more specifically Catholicism are not high on my list of â€śfavorite things.â€ť So a film that lampoons openly the Catholic Church is nothing that I have any problems with. â€śThe Ruling Class,â€ť the 1975 â€śWicker Manâ€ť and â€śThe Life of Brianâ€ť are all examples of films that do a GREAT job of thisâ€¦ I wound up seeing â€śThe Ruling Classâ€ť as someone had told me it was a favorite of Anton Laveyâ€™s the former head of the Church of Satan (since replaced by Peter Gilmore since his death) however, and Iâ€™m sorry to disappoint anyone, I am not a Satanist. Also Ken Russellâ€™s â€śThe Devilâ€™sâ€ť and â€śQuillsâ€ť do a great job of this using drama just to name a few.
In fact I find it hard to not get into the sexual deviants, criminals, money launders and thieves that make up the diocese, in three words Father John Geoghan* but that is being light however in writing a review of film â€śSister Maryâ€ť I can simply use â€śstuff that happensâ€ť in the movie and forego having to in anyway say anything nasty about religion in general.
â€śSister Maryâ€ť has some great scenes in it like a gay cop with super powerful â€śgay-darâ€ť who goes about separating the gay priests from the straight ones with his eyes closed. Or the boy band named the â€śEx-Choir Boysâ€ť if you listen to lyrics of their songs they are all very much about prayingâ€¦ on your kneesâ€¦ and receiving a blessingâ€¦ –think bukakeâ€¦ The film also touches â€“comically, on issues of child abuse in religionâ€¦
This really isnâ€™t much of a horror film, thriller or even a slasher filmâ€¦ â€śSister Maryâ€ť is witty but deals with a lot of â€śgay issuesâ€ť such as homophobia in a manner that I could only compare to a group of black men putting on their own minstrel show. The bulk of the gay men in the film (weather or not they are law enforcement officials or civilians) are all fashion obsessed, air heads, with a bunch of snappy come backs with lisps and limp wrist or twinksâ€¦ –Aside from non-famous over used Hollywood Square Bruce Valance, whoâ€™s in the film for like 2 minutes but whose name is in the opening credits and whoâ€™s picture is on the box. Granted, Bruce does have a lisp, and does come off as a bit of an air head but there is no way you apply to a man with a Prince Valliant hair cut the words â€śfashion obsessed.â€ť Thatâ€™s like saying â€śyour hip cop mustache matches your stylish mullet.â€ť
The lisping fairy is the stereotype assigned to the gay man. Now granted there is the argument that stereotypes come from somewhere and in combating stereotypes we force people to have to be more creative and personal with their insults and not just have them dis us on the basis of merely our ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion (or lack thereof,) socio-economic back ground or age. Added to that there is the idea that making generalizations about people is unfair to them etcâ€¦ However I can also say that in â€śmovie realityâ€ť you have to often draw on stereotypes because you donâ€™t have 2 hours to draw an in depth character analysis and then get to the story, never the less a story that isnâ€™t worth the time to build a characters that in for depth. â€śSister Maryâ€ť is fun and not so in depth that it needs well written characters. The question is, because everyone at the end of the day can fit into some kind of stereotype or racial/sexual/age joke, how much does it bother you? Me personallyâ€¦ Iâ€™ve never gotten into a fight over â€śbad nameâ€ť Iâ€™ve been calledâ€¦ well, not since elementary school.
I like films with a lot of good one liners, Groucho Marx style and I can say that â€śSister Maryâ€ť at least has that to offer. It also has an excellent and convincing performance from Judy Tenuta as a bitch nun, played really straight â€“no pun intended. And if your saying â€śwhoâ€™s Judy Tenutaâ€ť you were probably born AFTER the early 1980â€™s standup comedy craze. Judy Tenuta is who Rose Ann Barr stole a lot of her early material from, now if youâ€™re asking yourself â€śwho is Rose Anne Barrâ€ť you probably missed out on the sit com craze of the early 90â€™sâ€¦
All in all, â€śSister Maryâ€ť is funny and easy however if youâ€™re bothered by gay men kissing or jokes about priests being gay, or that a nun would shove a rock in a girls butt maybe this isnâ€™t for you.
*If you forgot or donâ€™t know who Father John Geoghan is, heâ€™s priest responsible for molesting 130 + children in Cambridge Massachusetts and then rather than being chastised for his â€śdirty deedsâ€ť the higher ups in the church went out of their way to protect him. But there is a happy ending to this he was later stabbed to death in prison. Just think about it though 130 + counts and FOUND GUILTY in a court of law but according to god –the church is the voice of god on earth if you know Catholic mythology, a child rapist should be protected.
Sister Mary (2011)