Haunted Honeymoon

Video Madness: Gnomes

Up yours, children! Sorry for that outburst, I just felt like I needed to change it up a bit. Seymour Skinner seemed like a good candidate to do that with. Moving on, here we are, it’s Wednesday, and we got some more work scheduled for Urban Legends. Let’s get right to it.

Gnomes are weird. What is a gnome, exactly? Why does their name feature a silent “G.” There aren’t really any famous gnomes, to be sure. There’s certainly some gnomes people are familiar with, however. David the Gnome probably comes to mind for anyone in their mid 20’s to early 30’s. He was a good sport, I guess, riding around on that wolf. Then there’s Gnorm, from “A Gnome Named Gnorm,” who is probably familiar to huge Anthony Michael Hall fans or those who just happened to watch a lot a sh*tty movies on HBO in the 90’s. But lets face it, that’s not enough people to fill your local VFW hall. Then of course, probably most famous, especially these days, that asshole gnome from those gut wrenching Travelocity commercials. I’ll probably take some heat for bashing on that little guy, but f*ck it, I hate that gnome and I hate those commercials.

Apparently gnomes possess sort of magical nonsense, or if you kiss one you’ll turn into a princess, or were used by older cultures to launch out of cannons. I don’t know. You ask me, they’re goofy little bastards that hang out in your garden and stare at you incessantly when you’re frying out on mushrooms. They’re kind of scary sometimes, and I’ll bet there’s a phobia out there just for them. I guess people claim these little creatures exist, like the people who posted today’s madness. Now, I don’t know the first thing about gnomes, and I’m certainly not qualified to make any judgment calls on this video – but I don’t know what the f*ck’s going on here. I don’t know what these dudes are saying, I don’t know where they’re from and I sure as sh*t don’t know what the f*ck that thing is in the street. If it’s a little midget – awesome use of a midget. If it’s your little brother – your little brother is pretty cool. If it’s some kind of computer generated chicanery – nice work gentlemen. Whatever the case may be, I’m a little freaked out by all of this. Give it some time though, there’s a lot of talking and shaky camera for a while, then the pay off. But it’s quick. So pay attention, even if you can’t understand what those guys are saying.

Oh, and I doubt this falls under the category of Urban Legends, but honestly, was I supposed to post that clip from “Wizard of OZ” too. Get real.

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