All right â€“ Tina stop showing so much cleavage and Ricky, spit out that gum â€“ itâ€™s time to get serious; serious like a clown. Which is what weâ€™ll be discussing today. Yesterday, I featured a body-less snake lashing out despite itâ€™s being dead. It was scary â€“ particularly if youâ€™re afraid of snakes, which I am. However, this fear may seem a bit unfounded and wildly ridiculous to the rest of that world. So Iâ€™m going to keep that theme going and talk a little bit about Coulrophobia.
Now, I listed a lot of good reasons to be afraid of snakes (at least the deadly ones, anyway) but seriously, how often is that a problem for people who eat at Sizzler, drive on the freeway and sleep in a bed surrounded by walls? Not really one at all. Doesnâ€™t make them any less scary. But are their any good reasons to be afraid of clowns? Well, maybe being molested by a clown in an McDonaldâ€™s bathroom ainâ€™t gonna help, but baring any sort of terrifying experience with clowns, whatâ€™s the big deal? Their goofy, they make balloon animals, they takes shots of seltzer water to the face â€“ their good peoples.
However, some psychologists believe that, even without a traumatic experience involving a bozo look-alike (which is sited as the # 1 cause for this phobia) the idea of a clown as a ridiculing prankster above consequence can scare people. Also, the fact that their partially hidden behind a thin veil of grease paint and hiding their true identity in the shell of this jokester can also be unsettling.
Then, of course, thereâ€™s John Wayne Gacy, who didnâ€™t exactly do a whole lot of good for the image of clowns in the collective consciousness of the world. Here you have a guy, childrenâ€™s party clown by day, rapist and murder by night, quoted as saying â€śa clown can get away with murder.â€ť Well, at least for a little while anyway. Scary sh*t. Thereâ€™s also Pennywise the clown for Stephen Kingâ€™s â€śITâ€ť played with arresting creepiness by Tim Curry. Heâ€™s a scary son of a bitch in that movie, and it certainly didnâ€™t help their image. And let us not forgot that f*cking clown doll from â€śPoltergeistâ€ť either. I canâ€™t tell you how many associates of the Professorâ€™s site this clown for seriously reducing sleep quality in their younger years. Thereâ€™s also The Joker to consider, The Killer Klowns From Outer Space, The Camp Blood Trilogy, Bill Murray strapped with TNT in Quick Change (yeah, you forgot about that movie huh) Brian Oâ€™Halloran in Vulgar, Funhouse, Clownhouse (maybe) and a whole host of horrible direct to DVD suck-fest cash-ins on this phobia. Maybe clowns have just been so distorted by people who thought the juxtaposition of clowns and fear would be too scary to not tap into. Great job guys.
Which brings me to todayâ€™s madness. Not an exceptionally scary video, particularly if youâ€™re not afraid of clowns, but by no means lacking in a certain creepy insanity. Who made this f*cking thing? Just some yahoo trying to tap into a little of that coulorphobia? Some out of work jester putting a reel together? Some demonic force penetrating your brain through this internet video? Either way, itâ€™s definitely unsettling, especially when considering itâ€™s true origins and intentions. Yeah, nice music too, ya f*cking clown.
Oh, if youâ€™re interested â€“ thereâ€™s a phenomenally freaky video with Mr. Rogers in a clown mask that took second place to this video. It was shorter and slightly less creepy than this one, and modified so it lost out. However, this should not stop you from googling that f*cker, because itâ€™s quite upsetting, particularly considering itâ€™s Mr. Rogers.