Every year many people die because they do not realize that they are in a horror movie. These people end up getting stabbed, shot or tortured because they didn’t realize the tall-tale-signs. As lovely readers of Horror News, I do not want you to go on living without knowing the signs that you may in a horror movie. So below I have created a list of ten sure signs that you may be in a horror movie. In the list I provide examples and then methods on how to escape each particular scenario. So read the list and make it out alive the next time you think you might be in a horror movie.
You just moved into a new house/apartment and there is a room with a door locked or sealed shut
This happens all the time. You and your mate have just finished unpacking your new apartment or home and you notice a door that you can’t open. You call the landlord and he knows nothing about the door. You attempt to break it down but it does no good. So finally you look through the key hole and you see something that causes you to jump back away from the door. So what do you do? Get out as fast as you can. Forget about your laptop or your new puppy, you can buy new ones. Because if you just let it be, before you know it you will wake up one morning and that door will suddenly be open or unlocked and you will want to go in the room. And if you go in this room YOU WILL DIE! So your best bet to stay alive is to check into a Motel 6 and never go back.
Your only Black friend has just died
You’re with your group of friends just hanging out and then the next thing you know Terrell is missing and no one can find him. After a short search you find him in the kitchen pantry with a knife in his chest. Everyone freaks out, but then you realize that “the black guy died first, we must be in a horror movie!” However, there is no easy way out of this scenario. The killer wants everyone to freak out and split up. So in order to make it out alive everyone must stay in one spot, not sleep with each other and don’t exile the emo girl.
Melodramatic music plays randomly
If you are at home and suddenly hear screeching music or a quite bass line getting dramatically louder then you may be in a horror movie. If this continues for longer than 45 seconds you might soon expect a sudden noise like a tap on the window or a Raven falling dead in front of you. But don’t worry; there is a way to escape. You need to run and keep running until you hear the music no more. While you run as fast as you can you may hear more dramatic and fast music, but don’t worry, it is only accompanying your running. With any luck it will be over soon.
You or your roommate bought something creepy from a rundown pawn shop
After a day of shopping, you stop at an old pawn shop and buy something creepy like an old book or a music box that doesn’t work anymore. But when you bring it home you notice some inscription on the item or the music box starts playing again. But when you go to return the item, you find that the pawn shop no longer exists, there is nothing but an empty lot in its place. More strange and creepy things will happen if you keep the item so the best option is to burn the item. No, you cannot simply throw the item away or throw it into a river, it will make its ways back into your home. You need to burn it, NOW!
You’re in a log cabin
Come on, seriously? Do I really need to explain this to you? You’re in a FREAKING LOG CABIN, how can this not end badly? First off, if you are in a log cabin there is no escape, you are going to die. You’re surrounded by woods and get no cell service; again you’re going to die. My best advice for you is to never agree to stay in the log cabin in the first place.
You own a ventriloquist doll
So you think that you want to impress the ladies by sticking your hand up a dolls ass and making it talk, so you buy yourself a ventriloquist doll. You practice a lot and get really good at it. Some people even think that the doll is talking by itself. Then one night when you are taking a break from practicing, you hear a distant voice. You follow the sound until you hear it coming from the doll box. Stop right there. Don’t even think about opening up that box to see if it is actually the doll talking. You know it is, so why unleash the terror? What you need to do is nail shut the box, find a distant grave yard, and I mean DISTANT and burry the son-of-a-bitch.
The power and the phones go out at the same time
Anytime the power goes out you may think, “No big deal,” and you go reset the breaker. But this time the breaker doesn’t reset, so you go to the phone. No dial tone. You go to your cell phone. No service. So what do you do? You’re obviously in a horror movie. Well, this one is easy, just get in your car and drive until you run out of gas. Don’t turn back, don’t stop at all, drive until you can’t drive no more!
Weird sh*t keeps happening that you can’t explain
Your TV starts flickering. A door that was previously shut is now open. You hear weird noises coming from your medicine cabinet. The lights start flickering. All of these can be classified as weird sh*t and are signs that your house is possessed. Now some people may think that just moving is the option here, but a possessed house will never let you leave. Your only option is an exorcism. Call your favorite priest and prepare for a long and stressful night. Once the room has finished spinning and all the dishes have been smashed to pieces, you know the demon is gone. But I wouldn’t stay in the house much longer, because if sequels tell us anything it’s that houses can and will be possessed twice.
Your friend wants to read out of a book at night that’s written in Latin
You are babysitting and your friend comes over and brings a book with her that she found in her attic. The book is thick and has a lock on it. Your friend breaks the lock and you feel a sudden burst of wind. You both ignore it like dumbasses and open the book to a random page. You find the book is written in a strange language and you start to read what it says. OK, now STOP! Before you unless whatever hell that book holds, you need to realize that you’re in a horror movie. You need to shut the book, lock it closed again and bring it to a pawn shop and get rid of it. Burning it or tearing it apart will do no good, it must go into another person’s hands, and as long as it’s not your hands then you should survive.
Your corn has children in it
You’re a big name farmer with thousands of acres of crops. You have some corn, some cotton, some wheat and some carrots. One day when you’re tending to your crops you hear the sweet innocent laugher of children. You go and follow the laughter to tell the kids that you’re about to spray pesticides and you don’t want anything to happen to them. However, when you find them they pull you off your tractor and turn you into a human scarecrow. But all of this could have been avoided if you would have taken action earlier. At the first sound of children’s laughter in your corn field, you should have lit the whole f*cking field on fire. Sure you will lose a lot of crops and money, but you will also burn those god forsaken children alive. You will not only be saving your own life by doing this, but the lives of everyone in the nearby town.
I hope you took notes while reading this and can now notice some sure signs that you may be in a horror movie. If you have any other signs that didn’t make my list, be sure to leave them in the comments below!
Top 10 Signs that you Might be in a Horror Movie